I have no friends. How to I go about finding a girl?

sillymallard · 2012-03-19T08:34:13+00:00

A lot of people are giving shitty advice. You don't need friends to get women. I go sarging alone and get girls' phone numbers without her ever needing to see my friends, and many other PUAs can confirm this. One thing though, I think that you mean you don't have any friends at your current college. If by not having friends, you mean no friends at all who don't live elsewhere, then you need to start learning how to make friends, because you'll need the same skills when building rapport with a woman. Otherwise you are setting yourself up for failure.

Honestly, it sounds like you are really scared, so bite the bullet and go sarging at a mall a little far away where nobody knows you and will not see you around your normal environment. Go and learn how to make eye contact and say hi to random strangers. Start with old people, moms, and salespeople. Then learn how to make a 20 second conversation as simple as asking them what the time is or the date. You could ask for directions. Don't go from step to step until you feel comfortable with the current.

troyfawkes · 2012-03-19T08:16:34+00:00

Make friends first, then find a girl.

lasagnaman · 2012-03-19T10:27:39+00:00

Make some friends and work on your social life before you try to work on pickup.

sayrith · 2012-03-19T07:59:31+00:00

I have no friends

yes you do. All of us at reddit :)

Necronomiconomics · 2012-03-19T07:12:08+00:00

Women assess you on the basis of your social standing: Social status, status among other women, status among your friends.

Women will suddenly want you if they see you are socially competent and functional with other women, and with your circle of friends.

Women are going to want to meet your friends. If you have none, you are better off misleading her about this. If you just moved to a new city, that also isn't an excuse.

Don't make friends simply to make friends. Be yourself. But, as with social experience with other females, you're better off not telling a woman you're a virgin, or socially inexperienced, or sexually inexperienced. Experience is cache. Don't think you garner sympathy by admitting inexperience -- think in terms of "theory of evolution" -- women are seeking to nest with the male who has points in his favor, not points in his disfavor.

Don't ever tell a woman that you have trouble making friends. This is a red flag to a woman, as it should be (for different reasons) if a woman tells you that.

Don't ever tell a woman that you have no friends. This makes you look like damaged goods. Something is wrong with a person who has no friends, in most cases, whether that includes you or not.

How do you go about finding a girl? Rule #1: Do your own thing, get your own life, and the rest (women) will find you. Follow your own interests (beyond playing video games or sports), develop your interests into a life, and have your own life outside of women.

After all of this, if you still have nobody interested, then the problem is either a personal background deficiency in natural bonding ability, which is related to having zero sisters or a shitty mother; OR, the more likely problem is lack of social contexts to meet women -- which is easily enough cured: join a class, volunteer at an animal shelter, or in worst case scenario, get a part-time job at a restaurant or bar or movie theatre, where you will have endless opportunities to meet women.

wildcardpua · 2012-03-19T07:24:15+00:00

that thing you said: "because what if I make a fool of myself" should be revised. Instead, think "so what if I make a fool of myself?"

30vanquish · 2012-03-19T07:59:03+00:00

approach outside of class. if you're in a big city, it shouldn't matter if you make a fool of yourself at first.

To the other commenter: social proof is important but for a beginner like the OP, that's not top priority. It's important that he learn to connect with people whether that is through a club (with girls) or cold approaching.

2012-03-19T08:16:14+00:00

[permanently deleted]

breadrising · 2012-03-19T13:19:33+00:00

it will make the rest of the semester awkward not only to the girl, but to the people around me who heard my advances.

This is where you're wrong. I'm just going to say it; no one gives a shit about you or whether or not you strike out with girls. I don't mean that as an attack or anything; I'm saying in general people do not care about other people's personal lives. For instance, when you're in class, do you eavesdrop on the other people in there? Do you know who they're dating or who they're interested in? Do you know if they tried to pick up a girl in the class and failed? Probably not. Because you don't care. You have your own life and your own worries, as does everyone else.

Point is, don't let what other people might think taint your confidence, because chances are that anyone who may actually care probably has more self-esteem issues than you do.

But, if I'm to give any core advice its this; make friends first. Its okay not to have a big social group, I understand that's not everyone's thing. However, in general its good to have at least a few people you consider friends for all sorts of reasons. And as another user said, the social skills you build from getting to know people and making friends can directly be applied to getting to know women.

Unholytrista · 2012-03-19T18:03:23+00:00

Hey girl here! Dude.. so what if you get rejected? and your advances are not reciprocated.. you dust yourself off and move onto the NEXT BITCH. Where do you live? If i was near you.. I'd totally... be your wing girl and show you the ropes. =P

m2c · 2012-03-19T16:29:32+00:00

Go to local meetup groups or any organizations where you can meet people - if you find someone interesting, chat them up and get their contact info.

2012-03-19T16:34:24+00:00

Let me guess? You're in college. Let me guess something else, you felt exactly the same way in high school. Uhmm let's see, let's try to predict the future: it's going to be the same once you finish college and you are out there in the world working and stuff.
YES indeed once you finally get the balls to start approaching women or friends, you are going to make mistakes, nobody is perfect and has 100% success score, but that's not failure, there are only 2 types of failures:

Failure to Launch (that's where you are now)
Quitting

So, have the attitude that with each try you are going to get better and better, ans before you know, you'll have more friends and more women that you won't know what to do with them.

calaber24p · 2012-03-19T19:48:59+00:00

you dont need friends to get women, but having friends is something very fulfilling and even if they are girls that "just want to be friends". That is if you dont get attached to them sexually.Just start talking to people and slowly make connections with them. Small talk gets you FAR if you are just looking for a friend. EVEN with guy friends, the main thing is confidence, granted to be a douche and put people down, just be comfortable with who you are and when talking to people and the friends will come.You also have to put in the effort and text them and sort of nudge your way into their plans. It feels awkward at first but as a confident male you believe they want you to be there. Good luck

woeisyou · 2012-03-19T20:38:43+00:00

Well, friends are a huge asset in pickup so i'd consider focusing on that for a while if you can. I don't think it's a must-have or anything, to each his own, but I know things got a lot better for me after I moved when I focused on making friends instead of just meeting women.

Few reasons:

Social Proof
It's easier to get into a social mood when you can call up a buddy on the phone
A good wingman can help your game tremendously
You do interesting things more often and have more interesting stories to tell girls
You can obviously meet girls through them
You can more easily throw parties or events and invite girls

It takes a lot of work to meet friends (just like Pickup) - approaching folks randomly and starting up conversations obviously is one route. Alternatively, you could spend a day looking up classes, meetups, networking events, basically ANYTHING in your area where you there's a lower barrier to meeting people. It takes work to build up a network but it's awesome once it's there. And also, you might meet some cute girls along the way.

foggynotion · 2012-03-20T01:24:14+00:00

What is your living situation like? When I was 20 I had just broken up with my GF of 3 years and had almost no social life/depressed all the time, so after realizing I wanted more out of life and to meet new fun people I decided to take action and check out craigslist. Found a room in a house close to the city that same day with 5 people looking for a new roomie (3 girls, 2 guys), and moved in a week later. They key is to find a place that has a good ratio of girls/guys and everyone is pretty good friends. First it forced me to change how I acted, especially when you live with 3 girls haha. Instead of being alone almost constantly I was suddenly around a group of people 24/7 having fun, so I didn't really have time to just sit around and feel sorry for myself. We had parties a few nights a week and I got to meet all their hot friends. In the course of a year I went from maybe like 2 good friends to 30, not including all the mutual friendships I also gained through knowing everyone. It's been a couple years and I have met hundreds of people just by moving in and becoming part of their social circle.

2012-03-20T02:47:19+00:00

I go sarging almost daily ALONE. I have like, two solid friends which I hand out with a couple times a week. You don't need a ton of friends to be good with women.

TheMangoPeople · 2012-03-20T04:31:38+00:00

I am nervous to approach in class because what if I make a fool of myself, it will make the rest of the semester awkward not only to the girl, but to the people around me who heard my advances.

OP, if there's a girl in your class that you think is cute. FUCKING TALK TO HER!

You will not make a fool of yourself as long as you do these two things:

You are direct. NO round-about-equivocation-here's-a-poem-I-composed-to-honor-your-heavenly-visage-bullshit. Talk to her. If you think she's cool, tell her you want to hang-out with her outside class. Like a boss, with cojones and a dick.
You are COMPLETELY OKAY with the girl rejecting you. Don't avoid her afterwards, or stop talking to her, or feel bad because she rejected you. This is ALWAYS what creates awkwardness, so don't do these things.

If you can do (1) and (2), YOU WILL BE FINE. It will not be awkward.

As for anyone who thinks it's foolish for a man to like a woman, well they're a weird little nebbish anyway whose opinions you shouldn't concern yourself with.

2012-03-19T10:42:46+00:00

Go outside.

2012-03-19T15:34:58+00:00

Get to know the girls that are in your class better without becoming the "gay best friend", then game their friends. It works wonders, and you'll soon have friends and girls.

Title	I have no friends. How to I go about finding a girl?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	18
Comments	33
Date	March 19, 2012 6:29 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/r358b/i_have_no_friends_how_to_i_go_about_finding_a_girl/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-no-friends-how-to-i-go-about-finding-a-girl.1330145 https://theredarchive.com/post/1330145

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