How did you start out?

SenseiCAY · 2013-02-03T05:06:29+00:00

Got friendzoned hard by a few girls, and I decided that the nice-guy-white-knight routine wasn't working for me (and hell, who would have wanted to date me the way I acted then?).

Really, I never completely got past the approach anxiety. It still gets to me now and then, but what did happen was that I worried less about what others thought of me and started actually showing my interest in women instead of just being their friend and hoping that they would come around. I wouldn't call myself a PUA by any means, but I'm certainly no longer frustrated by my dating life. When I'm with people, they know that I love what I do, both at work and at play. I was once told, before an event, to "dress like you're proud of yourself," and started taking that more to heart.

Basically, I made little improvements. I never intended on going out and sleeping with a different girl every night. Sleeping with girls is nice, but I really wanted to make my dating life a non-zero thing.

McPoople · 2013-02-03T05:42:55+00:00

Honestly, I had somewhat of a breakthrough last night. I met up with another Sedditor, and he was really pushing to just walk up to people and say hi. The breakthrough I had was that EVERY FUCKING SET (guys, girls, or mixed) responded by being a little bit thrown off initially. Nobody responded overly warmly right when he walked up. I always felt like I was doing something wrong when people did that, so I would be a little more hesitant to approach, but every single set dropped their guard in about 10 seconds, and conversations proceeded like normal.

I never did a "beginner's challenge" or any sort of incremental progressions. I would typically open about one set a night when I was out with my friends (AFC's through and through; one of them hasn't gotten laid in over a year), and yesterday alone I opened about 5 or 6 sets in two hours. It just clicked. There's very little skill in walking up and saying "Hey guys, how's it goin," so by waiting for the day when you're "really good at approaching" and hoping for girls to jump all over you as soon as you approach, nothing will ever change. If you're waiting for AA to go away before start, you'll never start. There's a break-in period that will not begin until you start approaching. Accept the fact that you'll have to go through 5, 10, 20 nights out (different for everybody) before it goes away.

Whether it's uncomfortable or not, just remember that every approach you make is one approach closer to whatever it is you're looking for.

Klarkson1273 · 2013-02-03T07:07:33+00:00

Many people say that drinking is a bad solution, for me it has always been to just know where you need to be mentally. I just have like 2 or 3 beers and just relax a bit. This tends to work well because I'm able to drive, I'm completely competent, but relaxed enough and care free enough to get passed a rejection. I get to a point where I really don't care what she thinks. I started this when I started seeing success while being fairly intoxicated, but since then I've found that all I really need is to be in the right state of mind and there is nothing like drinking one of my favorite beers.

For example, I was in a situation last weekend where a group of very cute girls walked in, and there was a more average looking girl who was eyeing me from the corner. I approached the girl eyeing me and started having a great conversation with her. She was laughing I was laughing, others sort of joined in. Things were looking pretty good with the more average looking girl, I had my confidence up and I saw the prettier girls from before getting another drink at the keg, so I decide to go fill up my cup. At this point I start talking to them. They are somewhat interested but are trying to be a little stuck up. The average girl then walks over and asks me to fill up her cup. (clearly trying to get my attention) So, I sort of pull a triple play. I somewhat blow off the prettier girls and then lean in to kiss the more average looking girl. I later get her number and she leaves with her friends. After she leaves I go up to talk to the prettier girls again. This time they are far more interested and trying to flirt with me. In the end I got their numbers also.

Now I did have the chance to bring this to spending the night however, that sort of thing really isn't for me. I'm not into the one night stand sorta deal.

TLDR:

I find that having a few drinks and finding a girl or two to get my confidence up works really well. The trick for you is to finding the way that makes you feel relaxed, care free, a little confident but more importantly sexy. See this as sort of a game. Because it is. Just because you die once doesn't mean you should quit and cry about it the rest of the night.

Damn_ImGood · 2013-02-03T09:23:38+00:00

Was getting a good amount of attention from multiple quality girls. Never once capitalized, even when they made it blatantly obvious that they wanted to date/fuck. I was too scared to escalate and I just didn't know how.

Gradually I realized that I could have fucked a couple hot girls (even without the game) easily and it pissed me off that I was such a bitch. So, I cut that shit out and here I am.

july25 · 2013-02-03T03:32:43+00:00

Wasn't easy, but once you get through the initial pain period and start having really good nights you're hooked.

DJCDee · 2013-02-03T11:46:58+00:00

At first I actually really hated PUA. I thought it was pathetic how guys need to use lines to get girls. Then one day I got friendzoned by a girl I really liked. That really dropped me hard and I wanted to find a way to get her. I eventually found seddit and as soon as I began reading stuff on inner game, I realized I've been wrong to hate on PUA.

My whole mental attitude basically changed in over a week. I accepted the shit qualities I had in me and worked towards moving forward. The first advice I took was "Talk to everybody" and damn it paid off. My confidence boosted, I was able to make conversations with strangers. Can you believe that? I couldn't believe it at first.

Slowly but surely, I became more of a conversationalist. I didn't persue seduction directly but more towards becoming a people's person. I found joy in talking and finding out stuff about new people I meet, wherever it may be. Approaching then becomes second nature to me.

So i didn't exactly, went straight to approaching girls. I became more social and became a people's person which ended up in me unintentionally approaching girls. I read books on persuasion, influence, that book by Dale Cardigan everyone talks about, body language, speech techniques. I got rid of my stutter and pronunciation issues.

Afterawhile I decided, ok maybe it's time to put some thoughts into "game". I first read Models by Mark Manson. Then followed with Magic Bullet by Savoy.

Then that was it. This is where I'm up to 2 years later. (I actually just finished Magic Bullet a few hours ago).

TLDR; got rejected 2 years ago, fixed inner game, started talking to strangers, became a people's person, talking to girls came as a result of being a social person, now focusing on how attraction works.

robot_army_mutiny · 2013-02-03T17:33:06+00:00

Frustrated. Googled "how to get laid". Found the web version of ASF (which I was familiar with from newsgroups, but never gave any credit to). Started reading. Found it fascinating. Read everything I could. Started going out to public places to try and open girls. Was too nervous for a long time, then I butchered my way through some horrible sets. Like one every few nights.

Then, I met a guy in my area on the old Mystery Method website (now Love Systems). He was a little bit ahead of me, but a newbie also. Met him on Mill Ave. in Tempe, and watched him open a set with a classic opener from The Game, and it worked. Blew my mind. He opened a couple more sets, then I just copied him.

We ended up doing the whole "newbie mission" (open 300 sets in a short amount of time) together. Became ferocious at opening and battling AA. Got in with all the other Scottsdale/Phoenix/Tempe PUA's. He became really close with J-dog from "The Pickup Artist", so I got a lot of good training by being in with him. We took over the Mill Ave. scene. It was epic.

We kept daily journals of our newbie missions, mine on the MM forum (it's still on there, as Love Systems forum - if you are interested, search for "Sun Slayer's newbie mission"), his on AZPUA. A lot of people really got into it, and supported us and we inspired them to do the same. I made some amazing friends and met some amazing women. That was in '04-05, I think.

I got really sick at the end of 2006, like almost dying sick, and dropped out. Haven't been actively sarging on a regular basis since then (also had a gf for a lot of that time, so that kept me from it as well). I had some other problems with my health and have been struggling with those ever since. I'm just now starting to get back into physical and mental and financial condition to where I can go out again.

Only1nDreams · 2013-02-03T18:44:33+00:00

Second girlfriend tore my fucking heart out in November 2011. Unwittingly stumbled into a one nighter on NYE2012. Next morning I woke up with my count at three, made my new years resolution to get to ten by 2013. Didn't actually start reading any PUA stuff til December. I got to eight by new years. Had number nine while I was in Jamaica for a field course last month. Now I've made a pledge to myself that number ten will be a ten.

What I've discovered about PUA culture, despite what the world might think on first impression (myself included) 90% of us are not just out there for the kills. We read and post and game because we want to better ourselves. Had an experience last night (FR posted) that really crystallized everything for me. I can honestly say that I've never felt more confident in my life.

I have guys like you to thank. Much love, Seddit.

BeatBoxing_Abe · 2013-02-03T02:41:17+00:00

Ooooh I had this super complicated technique called talking to girls. How did I get past AA? I fucking manned up and did it. I did a newbie challenge, 30 nights in a row of going out. There where times I wanted to jump off the fucking balcony rather than approach but I pushed myself to do it and now its not such a big deal anymore. After talking to enough girls your logical brain finally comes out and is like, ohhhh shit wait

Maybe walking up to that cute blonde will not result in dire consequences. I mean, she might tell me to fuck off and I might find another ten girls as cute as her by the end of the night.

I think specific techniques to work on are more important for intermediate to advanced guys. For newbies, just approaching and trying to stay in set is enough to make lots of progress especially if your still dealing with AA

2013-02-03T09:32:01+00:00

Got dumped by my first proper girlfriend after she cheated on me, so i went the nice-guy road. I wanted to help people, and all that BS.

Eventually i got so sick of everyone just relying on me, and using me, without ever giving anythign back, so i said fuck it. No more taking care of people who do not deserve it, i.e everyone.

I started talking and "dating" online, and had some success. Then, with the increase confidence and the "i don't give a fuck about you" attitude i began hooking up at parties etc.

It went so far as to me once going out, while my friends was sitting at home drinking, coming back one hour later with 3 girls, took the hottest one into my room and let the others take their shots on the other 2. At other parties, i would show up and within minutes get surrounded by girls latching on to me. My friends were begging me to bring them to the parties, or to help them hook up. People began asking me about girls, and how to hook up etc, and i am apparnetly quite infamous amongst the guys in the town where i began.

Had a few dips where i lost confidence and didn't get any girls, but eventually got out of all of them. In a small motivational dip right now, but i'm not very worried.

But bottom line is: Fuck people. The singly most important person in your life is you. If someone is holding you down, he have no place in it. Do what you want to do, but be stylish about it.

Don't lie to get in bed with a girl, but you don't need to overdo it either. If someone passes out from drinking too much, don't sit up all night checking up on them. But don't just leave them on the floor. Pull them into the bathroom and just check that they are alive once every hour.

Pretty much don't give a fuck about people, but don't become a stone-cold asshole either.

ysef95 · 2013-02-03T14:13:39+00:00

I started as semi natural with a lot of confidence and virtually no AA. The problem I had was that I couldnt escalate kino properly and I dropped way too many IOIs and often supplicated heavily. This led to me not getting a lot of high level girls and so i just shut myself off from ever approaching or gaming anything above HB6 or 7.

When I discovered seddit id been on a fairly long dry streak and after a couple of weeks reading PUA material i got quite a few k closes an f close and number closes were easy. My real breakthrough though was realising just how much girls actually wanted to hook up. I thought of them all as angels who were all chaste and pure but really every girl wants to be touched and loved you just have to do it right.

I am still on the journey and ill probably never stop tweaking and perfecting my game but I actually really enjoy gaming women now and I try to help some of my friends stop being too AFC as well.

TrueloveJ · 2013-02-03T18:03:16+00:00

Mehow... Lol!

2013-02-03T20:03:08+00:00

Use to be terrible with woman, had approach amxiety, never picked up on their cues, would act like your stereotypical AFC. Now I am much more confident, much happier, and more successful with women. I still have more ways to go before considering myself "good". But i'll get there!

The_DukeDevlin · 2013-02-03T20:37:12+00:00

After making AFC mistakes and dropping the ball with two girls I decided I need to learn how to meet new women. I started out in a small farming community, so I spent hours just looking for somewhat attractive women to approach, I also had no friends so no social circle to work with. Since then I've gotten laid quite a few times and now I have a really good social circle.

reallytricky · 2013-02-04T05:14:44+00:00

I'm not sure if I ever had it since I'm naturally a confident person, but I did a lot of public speaking (I did have some stage fright though) in my younger years and I think that has also affected it. Ive held speeches from small groups to a couple of thousand people. I guess you could count my public speaking into my development and progress. I dated a lot of very hot chicks in high school, but ended up not getting laid that much. Obviously I wanted to change that, and so I did. Before discovering seddit I changed my wardrobe a bit, got more colors, chinos, shirts, etc. Changed my hair style, and started going to the gym. Then I discovered seddit and started reading theory, and practicing it irl.

Overall it has been small steady changes through a time span of a few years that got me to this point. I never really intended to get into weekly one night stands with a different girl every night, but ended there. I just wanted to get laid every now and then. Now its a habit.

Drinking obviously helps for a lot of people, but I suggest getting into public speaking. It boosts your confidence overall.

kingcal · 2013-02-04T10:45:50+00:00

In 2010, I started to lose weight. By 2011, I was getting more attention from girls, and I continued to lose even more weight. During 2011, I got laid more than I ever thought I would in my life, but it was always was the result of "getting lucky". The quality of most of the girls weren't that good, though I did get a couple real good looking ones, and it was always a "right place, right time" kind of deal. Often the girls would approach me and then I would just not fuck it up badly enough that I'd get them to come home with me.

The problem was that by the end of 2011, I was getting a hugely inflated ego. I was extremely outcome dependent as well. I would go out expecting to hook up, and if I didn't, I would become upset at myself, the girls I struck out with, or the world in general, and then after that, the fall out would just be a lot of self-doubt and criticism. It was far from a healthy mindset.

Around April 2012, I stumbled onto Seddit through a comment someone posted in another sub. I immediately read everything I could and put it into practice. In the first month, I got ten #-closes and 2 F-closes, both with extremely good looking girls, one of which who became my girlfriend for the next five months or so. While I dated my ex, I continued to read Seddit, practice the social skills and personal development it preached and pulled numbers, though I never did anything beyond that out of respect for my ex.

When we broke up in October 2012, I immediately got back into the game. Using numbers I had collected while we dated, I ended up sleeping with a girl five days after we broke up, and she became my fuck buddy until recently. During 2012, I only slept with five women, but I prided myself on really raising the quality of the women, as well as putting myself in control. I was out there gaming and becoming the master of my world.

Through the end of 2012 and beginning of 2013, I took up interest in online dating. I met a handful of girls, but nothing spectacular happened, until two weeks ago. I met a real special girl and I can see it going places with her, and I can tell she feels the same. I've cut out the fuck buddy and I'm going to have a "talk" with the new girl when she comes to visit me for the long weekend coming up.

In just over the last two years, I went from being an extremely lonely, depressed, overweight guy to a happy, out-going, attractive guy. I've gone from scarcity mentality and outcome dependence to abundance mentality and outcome independence. I couldn't really be happier with how things have turned out. Weight loss had a lot to do with my initial success, but without Seddit to really focus my energy in the right direction and get my inner game right, I think it probably would've been a long time before I could get to the place I am now.

patropolis55 · 2013-02-04T10:50:44+00:00

Girls had fucked me over too much, every girl I had been with had gone off with another lad or just dropped me off. Last one Happened over Christmas. So I figured id just start talking to more girls, asking them out and all. Then I found Seddit, and shit picked up. In fact, got a date on Wednesday where she changed her plans to suit me of her own accord. Fucking A.

InfiniteBlink · 2013-02-04T21:26:02+00:00

I came off a 7 year relationship (last december), I just naturally didnt give a fuck afterwards so getting rejected didnt mean shit to me so i could talk it up with anyone.

If we rewind back to prior to my relationship, i was an AFC when it came to doing approaches. Everything had to be just right in order for me to attempt. I wasnt good at escalating and keeping a sexual vibe.

I've progressed this year, partially from reading a ton of content in the areas I was deficient at, primarily just cold approaching and escalating. Once i got those out of the way, going out is gravy.

One thing I did post break up was a wardrobe upgrade, paid FUCKING dividens my friend. I get girls and guys complementing me on my style all the time.

bayank · 2013-02-03T04:30:26+00:00

Start talking to strangers; guys, girls, old ladys, the bus driver, etc, good way to practice bullshitting with someone you just met. I am in no way a PUA pro yet, but the 3 sec rule helps you get to action before your logical brain has time to talk you out of it. Also, confidence in yourself. Even if you have none, you have believe you do anyway until it feels normal, no matter how many times you get blown out. My recent success story: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/17pjjd/fr_okcupid_txt_game_3_dates_back_to_back_f_close/

Title	How did you start out?
Author	Yodaddyo
Upvotes	66
Comments	36
Date	February 3, 2013 2:05 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/17sa9i/how_did_you_start_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-did-you-start-out.1346819 https://theredarchive.com/post/1346819

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