I find it easy to flirt and pick up girls who I'm not massively interested in, but turn into a nervous weirdo around girls I really like.

MyWorkHereIsDone · 2013-04-17T06:29:19+00:00

Work on your outcome independence. If you are fine around girls that you "aren't interested in" but turn into a mess around the others you care more about you are too concerned with results and it's screwing with your performance.

The mentality that you likely have with the girls you don't care about as much is probably "if this goes well, sweet, but if not it's totally not a big deal" and that is the same mentality you should have with all women.

Edgar_Allan_Rich · 2013-04-17T14:08:02+00:00

It's common. You get over it with experience. You're still putting them on a pedestal. There are a billion hot girls in the world. Most of them unfortunately have horrible self esteem and are generally annoying to be around. There's no reason to treat them any differently. If anything have sympathy for them.

wnnr · 2013-04-17T06:17:13+00:00

Sounds about right for us beginners. What I do if I have an off night is work on my inner game a little bit before the next try.

Nervousness and anxiety is another way of saying you're excited.

helpgrandma · 2013-04-17T13:28:58+00:00

This is so common that most boot camps have an exercise for it. For example, Juggler has his students play bingo with old ladies. Then once you know how you act around someone you have zero attraction to, you can know how to behave with someone you are attracted to.

helpgrandma · 2013-04-17T12:58:01+00:00

[permanently deleted]

elleadnih · 2013-04-17T08:59:56+00:00

I will sound super geeky with this one, but try for a min or two a power position, like the superman stance with arms and fists to the hips, and have a manly pose, this, believe it or not, even for womans, it tricks your mind into becoming confident, there is a study and even a ted talk about how the body actually tricks the mind into been confident, this may help a little, it sure help me up sometimes. (of course do it where she cant see you trying too imitate superman xD)

ketwerkah · 2013-04-17T14:09:17+00:00

Treat her like any other person. Girls ALWAYS know when a guy is flirting, and girls know why guys flirt. If you really like her, you shouldn't "flirt" with her or try to play any games. Just be genuine and if you guys don't vibe on the same level, it probably wouldn't work out very well anyways.

centurijon · 2013-04-17T14:55:41+00:00

I'm going out tonight with a HB9.5 who is a really cool person and has a ton in common with me. If I thought about it too much, I'd be crazy nervous about seeing her.

Know what's going to be in the back of my head? "We've already kissed, so I know she likes me, and if I screw this up, I still have [HB7]"

yuyo874 · 2013-04-17T15:28:06+00:00

I usually just remind myself how subjective the concept of beauty can be and that I shouldn't put anyone on a pedestal. Go in for the kill with confidence and always make eye contact.

glt512 · 2013-04-17T16:03:28+00:00

stop masturbating. that is all.

madog20x · 2013-04-17T06:21:14+00:00

Same problem here. I think it just takes practice to desensitize(spelling?) yourself talking to beautiful women. Chat, flirt, and have have fun with them and I think eventually you start acting consistantly regardless of looks. Im just speculating though.

robh1701 · 2013-04-17T11:08:53+00:00

It's probably down to inner game... with girls you're not interested you (consciously or otherwise) know you're good enough for them. BUT with girls you're interested in, you probably think maybe they're a bit out of your league and the second you start to doubt yourself BOOM nervous wreck. tl:dr Work on inner game, believe you're awesome and the nervousness will slowly disappear

MrADHD · 2013-04-17T15:45:12+00:00

As everyone else has said you need to be more outcome independent.

My advice, if you just cant shake it: start climbing the ladder.

It's an old technique that works- but it is more of a band-aid on the problem than anything else. Basically you start talking to chicks you are comfortable with and slowly discard the uglier ones as you start to talk to/bang hotter ones. As you get hotter and hotter ones you become more comfortable.

The problem is you still are assigning WAY too much value to looks alone. Rather than just saying fuck it, I'll see plenty of beautiful girls today, tomorrow and the next day so who gives a shit or I might get hit by a bus and die tomorrow so who gives a shit.

PuffyCheek · 2013-04-17T16:30:12+00:00

Everybody's nervous when the stakes are higher, you don't give a shit if you get rejected by girls who you aren't attracted to because who cares if you're not going to date them. Girls you're attracted to though, you know if you screw up they're not gonna want to stick around and you're gonna get all sad and shit.

turnpikenorth · 2013-04-17T18:09:57+00:00

right there with you brother

2013-04-17T18:36:26+00:00

Let the attractiveness you feel be your motivation

glusnifr · 2013-04-17T20:48:57+00:00

Welcome to the club! We've got t-shirts.

helpgrandma · 2013-04-18T01:52:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

6PoolPwnage · 2013-04-19T20:07:37+00:00

Look at girls without make-up on.
Realize most girl's aren't goddesses from heaven.
Approach.
Get laid.

Title	I find it easy to flirt and pick up girls who I'm not massively interested in, but turn into a nervous weirdo around girls I really like.
Author	helpgrandma
Upvotes	216
Comments	70
Date	April 17, 2013 5:50 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1cimp5/i_find_it_easy_to_flirt_and_pick_up_girls_who_im/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-find-it-easy-to-flirt-and-pick-up-girls-who-im.1350822 https://theredarchive.com/post/1350822

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