Today I want to talk about: Pauses as you talk

juicycatnipples · 2013-12-08T22:49:34+00:00

I'd love more posts like this on /r/seduction. Less "BE CONFIDENT" or other extremely general 'tips' which everybody knows already and more simple yet effective advice that can actually be immediately put into practice and used to improve yourself. Kudos, OP

2013-12-08T23:23:37+00:00

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JihadDerp · 2013-12-08T23:13:04+00:00

This concept can be expanded outside of tempo, too. Practice changing up pitch and tonality. Practice switching up volume and inflection. There are so many nuances within the spoken language outside the words themselves, and people don't realize this makes up at least half of what is ultimately communicated.

In comedy, they say it's 50% content, 50% delivery. The best comedians can tell the worst jokes with a delivery that will make the audience laugh. Your average Joe can butcher the best joke because he has shit delivery.

It's not what you say, it's how you say it.

2013-12-09T19:19:27+00:00

Girl: "So, what do you do in your free time?"

You: (10.0s pause) "I drive..."

nobody2000 · 2013-12-08T23:50:57+00:00

East Asian culture utilizes the power of silence with mastery. In the US/most western cultures, silence is uncomfortable because it's so out of place.

I watched some tapes of me doing some presentations/public speaking, and a tape of me acting in a musical. Even when I got rid of all the "ummms" and whatnot, I noticed that I was rapid-firing my words. I was confident, but I didn't sound confident and commanding because I avoided silence and pauses.

I work in international business, so when I present and talk to people with English as a second language, I'm FORCED to pause, talk slowly, and even speak DEEPLY. Customers a few years ago gave me lip service as to how they liked my presentations - I was smart enough to know they were bullshitting me - so I knew I had to fix it.

Think of how you speak similar to how you would write formally. You have words, spaces, punctuation and paragraph breaks. Do the following:

Anytime you'd speak a comma, pause for 0.5s
Anytime you'd speak a period, pause for 1-2s
Anytime you'd speak a paragraph break, pause for up to 5 seconds.

It's hard. It'll make YOU uncomfortable. But as you do this, and maintain eye contact, you can do this with a confidence that you'll in turn communicate. Suddenly you'll find others hanging on to every word you speak.

Be warned, however, that in order to achieve this, you still have to be concise. If you're telling a story, don't drag on, stick to the interesting parts, and make sure your hands are animated, and of course if you're talking to a girl, make sure that your hands are all over her when you're telling the story.

policeandthieves · 2013-12-09T00:43:29+00:00

Just try not to talk like Christopher Walken.

2013-12-09T00:16:48+00:00

At first I read that as 5 seconds and thought "wow those are some long fucking pauses"

instagigated · 2013-12-09T00:55:14+00:00

Pauses are good! You can also talk as if you were talking to yourself. Obviously not everyone has a conversation with themselves in their head (I do when I'm trying to solve problems or unstress myself over a situation by thinking rationally) the same way I do. My conversations with myself involve pauses as well as slowing... my, speech... down (as if I'm lost in my own thoughts in my own thoughts). By doing so, I can quickly come up with the next thing to say.

This also allows the person you're talking to a chance to jump into the conversation (if the topic you are discussing really interests him/her). When you're going on and on and on, the other person(s) are unable to jump into the conversation or interrupt you for fear of feeling rude.

ofcrazed · 2013-12-09T14:15:20+00:00

If i did that. I would just sound like. Christopher. Walken.

eien_geL · 2013-12-09T00:54:53+00:00

Btw, I really love that opening "...so I had to meet you". SO smooth and inoffensive. I am going to use that from now on.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-12-09T00:19:26+00:00

I have been reviewing some old material by Mehow, he suggests pausing every 10 to 15 seconds while telling stories. The idea is to make each section come to an emotional spike, rather than just going on and on without the listener being able to react. Each pause lets them absorb the emotions, and are left waiting for more.

2013-12-09T01:21:17+00:00

don't pause too much, especially after dishing out compliments, because it might look to her like you're asking for her approval!

Dexter77 · 2013-12-09T20:34:54+00:00

Having been in the community for a decade, I have to say this is one of the best advices I've ever heard. And something I had not read before. Thank you, sir!

warriorman · 2013-12-08T23:22:32+00:00

This advice applys to EVERYTHING. Job interviews, meeting the parents, etc. Just about any time you talk to someone make sure yo use pauses and if done right you will come across confident and relaxed, and like you know that what you say is important and people want to hear it so you don't need to rush to get it all out.

eien_geL · 2013-12-09T00:53:23+00:00

I always try to keep this in mind when I talk to girl, ESPECIALLY at loud venues, such as at a club or a bar. It really helps the other person with to catch up with your pace, and actually have time to process what you are saying and the situation.

I can't do this very well when I am too sober, but when I get the tipsy-confidence, I pull this better, and it is a winning technique.

It will also earn you a bit of time for you to think for the next word with ease.

JebenKurac · 2013-12-09T03:06:35+00:00

I've been doing this for years and not for this reason lol. 7 or 8 years ago someone I knew gave me the advice to just pause if you were about to say "like" or "um" so I wouldn't sound like an idiot. The hardest part is learning to catch yourself, but taking a 2 second pause to think about whatever nonsense was about to come out of your mouth is almost always a better idea.

masterrod · 2013-12-09T03:35:47+00:00

Pausing is really good. People don't' realize that people can't really pick up everything you're saying. Just by speaking slowly, and pausing from time to you make sure people know what you're saying, so you're automatically seductive. Then content becomes important.

Alcoholic_Satan · 2013-12-09T03:51:58+00:00

You: I know this is random (0.5s pause) but I just saw you from there and I thought you look cute (0.5s pause) so I had to meet you.

Some girl in my public speaking class actually talked like this and I wanted to blow my brains out. I couldn't stand listening to her. Others might feel the same.

XionGuard · 2013-12-09T04:44:20+00:00

Best advice I have seen in a while on here.

2013-12-09T06:07:23+00:00

I like this advice.

2013-12-09T06:16:02+00:00

That's a really good way to put it. Just last night I caught myself talking too much but for the rest of the night I was able to remind myself to chill out. No one likes getting barraged with words or interrupted.

DirtyProjector · 2013-12-09T06:29:25+00:00

This is crazy, as I JUST talked to a friend about this an hour ago.

This is actually common knowledge for people who have studied human behavior. If you talk slowly, and thoughtfully, and project respect for what you are saying, other people will respect what you have to say in return. If you just verbally diarrhea everything, it conveys that you don't have much respect for what you have to say, so why should they?

yamehameha · 2013-12-09T07:23:24+00:00

I don't know about that second pause on your example. In my head it feels retarded coming out.

What about "...I think you look cute and [pause] I had to come meet you"

Alternatively you could just elongate a word which would be the same as pausing "I think you look cute andddd i had to come meet you"

cooledcannon · 2013-12-09T07:34:32+00:00

I heard it wasnt a good idea to compliment girls, at least not right away, and not about her looks.

ArtilleryCamel · 2013-12-09T07:52:28+00:00

Wow, that makes a lot of sense. I never thought talking slower made you seem more confident but now that I think of it, you can tell somebody is nervous when they are talking fast, why not the other way around?

JD42305 · 2013-12-09T08:03:13+00:00

And STOP LAUGHING TO FILL SILENCE. Jesus I do this way too often "pause after amusing thought: HEH!" URGH. There can't be many things more unsexy than being unable to handle tension and to have to fill the silence with small chuckles. Be your authentic self--if something makes you laugh, laugh. If something isn't funny enough to make you laugh, don't laugh for the sake of it.

popeyepaul · 2013-12-09T14:40:06+00:00

Absolutely. I used to talk in a very fast pace, and it was most likely because of my insecurities. I would feel that I have to quickly finish my sentences, because deep inside I felt that whatever I was saying wasn't very important and was just bothering everybody, and afraid that if I took too long people would stop listening, or stop me from talking.

Practice speaking slowly. Make meaningful pauses. Never use filler words like "umm" or "like" (it's like, very important).

2013-12-09T15:04:03+00:00

Make sure you don't come across like this guy

Jayizdaman · 2013-12-09T15:26:48+00:00

Great tip and if anything, read up on public speaking. A lot of the main points carry over to everyday conversations. Why? Because some of the best speeches are those in which the speaker acts/talks as if they are having a conversation with the audience and not just reading a script.

Vary your tone and pace when needed and, as this OP recommends, learn how to pause. The silence will feel uncomfortable and like it lasts for an eternity, but once you become accustomed to it, it will become second nature.

WhitePhillip · 2013-12-09T17:16:00+00:00

Be William Shatner. Got it.

twiceuponatime · 2013-12-09T17:45:56+00:00

Also, try not to use "um" or "like" when you pause.

2013-12-09T19:03:48+00:00

IOW, don't talk like you're a character on Grey's Anatomy?

Attila_TheHipster · 2013-12-09T00:15:11+00:00

Straight outta Toastmasters perchance? I learned to use pauses to mask my 'uhm's when I get nervous/forget what to say. Helps looaads.

2013-12-09T01:10:27+00:00

Yup, the power of language manipulation is a beauteous thing.

Just don't use the pauses too often; you'll just end up sounding like Captain Kirk.

Also, I'd like to add a bonus tip to this. When you speak to a girl, always try to keep your tone of voice at a 'matter of fact' level. What I mean by that is, never sound like you're asking a question with your tone of voice ramp up while ending the question. Ask a TON of questions, just make those questions sound more like sentences.

2013-12-09T03:44:41+00:00

Compared to everything on this subreddit, I don't think a TLDR is necessary. Great post!

k1ngmad · 2013-12-09T15:55:51+00:00

Example: "Luke, I am your father..."

ArchangellePussyrape · 2013-12-09T04:48:57+00:00

Who the fuck are you?

How can we trust you?

For me you're just another reddit neckbeard.

Today I want to talk about: Pauses as you talk

Example: I'll demonstrate with this day time opener.

Comments

Title	Today I want to talk about: Pauses as you talk
Author	mhrdth
Upvotes	710
Comments	72
Date	December 8, 2013 10:19 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1sewp8/today_i_want_to_talk_about_pauses_as_you_talk/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/today-i-want-to-talk-about-pauses-as-you-talk.1362748 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362748