22 years old, senior in college, never kissed a girl, any tips on getting over regret and motivating myself to keep pushing?

Radinax · 2016-06-03T16:45:48+00:00

What you're experiencing is normal and part of the human condition. You fear for what the future may or may not bring and have regrets from your past and fear that you are missing out. The key to get out of this condition is to enter the present moment through self awareness. Read A New Earth by Eckart Tolle. You master the teaching in that book and you'll have to greatest tool a human can have: self awareness. Its also the best tool for game, but here is some more books for that subject:

Models: Attract Women through Honesty by Mark Manson
No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover
The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida
The Enlightened Sexual Manuel by David Deida
The Definitive Book on Body Language by Barbara Pearse

That's pretty much all the information you will need. Keep focusing on your career/passion, that should be the number one priority in your life, relationships come 2nd. If you keep weight training, reading/learning, persevering through failure, you'll be one sexy mother fucker by your late 20s. It needs to be hard, you need to suffer to become a man, to acquire depth and to harness resilience.

External12 · 2016-06-03T16:19:06+00:00

Focus on you. Finish school, and get a good job. Then just join a dating site and try it out. Make nice with your coworkers and go out on the town with them. You're really not in a bad position, you're only 22. It doesn't matter if you've kissed 0 or 100 girls, it works the same way.

There are two things you need to fix:

1) Stop making excuses

2) Realize that girls are people. You have literally no reason to be nervous. I know you can't just eliminate the nerves, but you're going to have to deal with it. Next time you're out somewhere just decide that you'll make a conversation with a girl. Could be as simple as asking the girl at a store to show you where the avocados are.

SSJZoroDWolverine · 2016-06-03T16:55:10+00:00

Let me tell you a story about my friend Dave. Dave, due to being physically and emotionally abused as a kid, did not have any social skills and struggled with anxiety and depression during his 20s.

Finally, when he was 29, he decided that he needed to change. He spent the next 8 years changing himself and it was bitter work. When I say he had no social skills, I mean it. The guy had no friends and his only source of socializing was going to family parties. So he started off with just saying hi and having conversations with his own relatives.

I'm not gonna bore you with all of the details of his 8-year journey. I'll just tell you this: he's 37 now, has had sex with a model, a porn star, and was in a polyamorous relationship with two bisexual chicks. He's now one of those guys who can walk into a room and have everyone's attention.

You're 22. And I'm sure you have way more social skills now than Dave did at 29. And I'm sure you can advance faster than he did in working on your social skills and also in seduction. You just gotta put the work in. You gotta make the time to put the practice in every day. Make it a habit. Dave sucked for a long time and he got rejected more than most guys on this sub combined. If you're willing to put in the work and have the courage to keep trying, I'm sure your 20s can be filled with love, sex, and adventure.

Edit: I included Dave's journey in a comment below, for those who were interested.

nike747 · 2016-06-03T20:52:10+00:00

Step 1: Quit jacking off. Step 2: Lift Step 3: Buy 1 or 2 new pieces of clothing that you like Step 4: THAT'S FUCKING IT. YOU GOT THIS!

puabookworm · 2016-06-03T17:14:31+00:00

Have you heard of the concept of "abundance"? Having an "abundance mindset" means realizing there are tons of girls available to you, and helps you be less nervous and needy- If things go badly with the girl you're interested in, there's more options.

How this manifests for me is: When I'm at the bar talking to a cute girl, I can be confident and crack jokes and don't feel very nervous, because at any point if it goes badly I know there are other girls in the bar. Or, if not, I know there are other bars. Or, if not, I know there are other nights I can go out - There's no "time limit".

For you, you need to not focus so much on this "time limit" of graduation, since it's eliminating your abundance. I know guys that started when they were 30 or 40! Personally I started just AFTER graduating, so I "missed out" on it too. Focusing on the time limit is only going to add to your anxiety and stress. Remind yourself how young you are and how much time you have, and don't feel like you need to rush! You have all the time in the world to get good at this.

If you have any more specific questions fire away!

thecubanrush4u · 2016-06-03T16:41:37+00:00

I think that you dont have to worry about the college experience that much, if you havent done lots of things with girls not a big deal, you have only 22. But one thing, dont waste more time and get up now and talk to girls. At first it will feel unnatural and a little scary, but thats only in the begining, once you start you'll realize that the fear and anxiety goes away. It all comes to practice. Also the only way of meeting girls is not in a club or bar, you can also meet them in the street, i recomend that you read two books: Daytime Dating by Jeremy Soul, and Magic Bullets by Savoy. That will get you started.

palkiabros · 2016-06-03T19:10:04+00:00

Hey dude. I'm in the same position as you.

As someone else said, women are people too. The more you pedestal or propup the idea of romance, kissing, dating, or women, the more stressed you are going to be and often the worse you are going to be at it.

Now it also bums me out when I don't get to flirt or improve my laking social skills. But we can't always be around interactions with what we want. Plus, if you are obsessing over it, you will seem less desirable. In these off days, try to work on your self, playing sports, hobbies, or work. People love to see a person that is sufficient on their own and dont need a partner to provide their enjoyment or complete them.

I used to come from a place where I was looking for a partner/romance to fill a void, and I obsessed over it. I have since realised that you want your life to be overflowing enough that you want to exchange with others. This created more genuine relations and made the ordeal much less stressful for me. I've also had slightly more success.

ASILKYBUSH · 2016-06-03T23:19:30+00:00

26 and a virgin here. The right time will come, just work to being an awesome version of yourself and those things will come.

iCespedes · 2016-06-03T16:51:33+00:00

Alright! I got you, man. Listen to me. Now, I don't log in and post often, but I had to because I see where you are coming from. I was kinda in the same spot not too long ago. There's a secret to talking to girls that not many guys realize. The secret is... are you listening...? The secret is that there is no secret. Everyone thinks there is a trick or something, but there isn't; sure, there are things that make it easier to talk to a woman, but that's it. Just talk to them. Now I know that women can be intimidating to talk to especially when you haven't been with one yet, but that's o.k., if it wasn't scary it wouldn't be very fun.

I want you to realize though that getting girls really isn't that big of a deal. So you get your dick wet... YAY! That's all well and good, but remember it's just sex. IF you're looking for something more, my friend, don't bother at this time. I say don't bother because you have jobs, and a major to maintain, and according to you, you don't have the time to work on this. This screams unavailable and will repel women. If you don't have the time than put your nose back in the books, get your masters or whatever it is you're doing then think about the ass.

Now, with all of that being said I will tell you how to approach a woman. It is so easy and works so well that, not to brag, but it gets the number every time for me. Use your skills. Not just any skill, an art skill. Women find it romantic as fuck. Women are visual creatures and are attracted to things of beauty, and if you aren't supper attractive than you need be able to make something attractive that they can appreciate. I'm not the most attractive guy in the world, but I can draw-- I've been drawing for years. So let me give you a quick 3 step tutorial on how to use this skill and other skills like it to talk to a woman.

1. I usually walk into a coffee house or some place sociable and draw the people around while looking for anyone who seems kind of just there. It gives me a reason to stare at them without seeming like a super creep and even gives me a conversation piece should I decide to talk to them. Now while I sketch people I usually look for the cutest girl or the most approachable one. If I am lucky they are one in the same.

2. After sketching and getting a feel of the environment I take a deep breath and kind of psych myself up. Gathering the confidence is key here. You have to be relaxed and level headed when approaching a woman. Even though your heart is racing you can't seem all geeked up on coke. So take a deep breath and calm down before you approach. When you approach walk over there like you mean to be over there. Don't forget to smile.

3. This is where your skill as a human and an artist (if you are one) come into play. Say hi. Smile. I tell them that I have this thing where I go to coffee shops at do figure studies on people. I let them look at my sketchbook a little and ask if they are ok with it. If they are than I say great, ask if I can take a seat and start a conversation while I work. This makes the situation really chill, and they get comfortable. I talk about anything, the coffee, what I/she does for work, or even the weather. Don't forget to smile. I finish the picture and have her look it over. They usually say something along the lines of "Wow! That's great!" and I thank them before I ask them to sign it with their name. After the name I immediately ask for the number just beneath the name and tell them that I would love to actually take time to do a more detailed one.

They usually giggle and agree.

I know this is a lot to read, and I wouldn't mind elaborating on it if you'd like. Idk. Let me know. I've got to go pick up my brother from school.

External12 · 2016-06-03T18:28:20+00:00

I don't like a lot of the advice here.

How do you feel about how you dress? How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about your personality?

This will help us suggest some things. A lot is mental and getting your wardrobe in shape or tour body can do wonders mentally and give confidence.

lItsAutomaticl · 2016-06-03T18:41:42+00:00

I understand your anxiety. The most important thing to recognize is that women are not the key to happiness. They alone will never leave you fulfilled. Think of them (and treat them like) something to accompany you in whatever great things you do.

third-eye-brown · 2016-06-03T21:26:38+00:00

Are you lifting at least 3 times a week? Get your ass in shape.

I found the most success after I worked out enough that girls found me attractive once I took of my shirt. Once I felt that confidence, it became much easier to do things that made me even more confident. It's a snowball effect.

Women are humans. Humans are animals. Animals have instincts that tell them who to fuck. Get your ass in shape and women will make excuses to get close to you. It really can be that simple.

Edit: I also used to have social anxiety really bad, but I spent years putting myself into situations to cure that. Look at curing social anxiety like going to the gym, or any chore you don't enjoy but is absolutely necessary for your personal growth. Lots of people sit around and say "I have social anxiety so I can't meet people :(" and I look at that the same way as "I'm weak and when I go to the gym I suck at it, guess there's nothing I can do".

I was addicted to meth for a bunch of years and weighed 126 lb at one point (I'm 5'11"). Disgusting. That's how I felt about my body and life. That was about 4 years ago and I'm finally digging myself out of that pit. Working out is very hard for me, but I suck it up and experience the pain every time, because the alternative is sitting around waiting to die without fulfilling the things I want to get from life.

IBeStrokin121 · 2016-06-04T08:28:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Notthe1urlooking4 · 2016-06-03T19:59:24+00:00

The game sucks. Your job after college will provide a better atmosphere for meeting someone.

scholarly_pimp · 2016-06-03T20:07:04+00:00

Idk how we view the red pill on here but I came across this list the other day. Was pretty straight forward and I think I solid approach to what to do.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2bmrtf/focus_on_you_first_and_second_and_third_andblah/

RosesSpins · 2016-06-03T20:39:50+00:00

so I have had little time to work on this.

You've got to stop thinking of this as something you have to make time for. Something you do outside of your regular, everyday life! There are girls in the wild! All those classes that keep you busy probably have girls in them. Those jobs you work? Probably girls there too.

So now that we know girls are there already how about just becoming friends with a few? Not with a goal. Not with an agenda. Just become friends. How? THE SAME WAY YOU WOULD WITH A GUY!

Use this last bit of college to make friends and become comfortable. It can only help right?

2016-06-03T20:57:23+00:00

I'm pushing forty, but I don't pretend to know everything. Or much of anything. But if there's anything I could tell my 22 year old self, regarding women, it is this: Rejection will hurt your feelings, but regret will crush your spirit. We feel regret only when we've rejected ourselves; by saying, "I'm not good enough."

I wish my attitude at 22 had been, "No woman is out of my league, unless she tells me so."

Don't decide for others whether or not you are good enough, and don't reject yourself- put yourself in front of them and let them reject you.

Life may surprise you. And you won't regret a thing.

blackhawks93 · 2016-06-03T22:11:01+00:00

Fuck a escort and that will get you up to speed very fast. Sex is easy and kissing is easy. It's not a huge deal.

thechilldojo · 2016-06-04T02:05:23+00:00

Get to the gym and lift some heavy weights.

yallapapi · 2016-06-04T02:30:59+00:00

When in doubt, whip it out

vivalarevoluciones · 2016-06-04T02:34:12+00:00

Experiment be patient and casual and outgoing and talk . Dont involve feelings in this phase once you feel good throw in your sentiments to the girl

Emrette · 2016-06-04T02:36:21+00:00

Start by at least saying hi to girls when going from a class to another. Just saying hi will boost your confidence and then by the time you get to class you'll have a lot easier time having conversation with the cutie sitting next to you. Also watch YouTube videos. The hose dude who give advice on there YouTube channels actually pump you up because it's not the tips/tricks your you're getting from them it's the energy you get from them is what can motivate you.

Booster93 · 2016-06-04T03:47:40+00:00

I'm 22 I don't even have money for college, I have to work retail 22 yrsold and never even doing community college till this fall. It could always be worse. Id kill to even be in any position close to what you have. My tip is you have it pretty great, just workout a lot, change what your body looks like for the better it's very simple and just force yourself to talk to more. Bars and clubs exist for a reason. Girls get to drink free for a reason. Perception is reality in a way. Please, do this. Youre on the Better side of the socioeconomic pool.

DBPickles · 2016-06-04T04:19:28+00:00

From what I understand of your situation, you don't have much free time. Try and worry less about graduating without any physical interactions with girls. You don't want that negativity to affect your education at all.

Focus on graduating with good academic standing. If at the very least you worry less and focus more on school, you could pull your grades up and possibly land a great job (just assuming your grades here). Worry about girls when you have time, once you're out of school. Girls will come once you are successful.

I'm just speaking on my experience on how valuable school is. I dropped out of an engineering degree after 3 years (still with a 3.0 gpa) and regret it so much. While girls weren't my problem, motivation and a having a positive attitude were my biggest downfalls.

ThreesusShuttleworth · 2016-06-04T08:14:57+00:00

I'm probably the worst person to give advice ever but I've only kissed a girl when asked to and it wasn't that hype. I rarely initiate conversation with girls, but if you just stand straighter and put on a non serial killer smile, girls will initiate conversation with you, if they don't at least you'll find it easier to initiate conversation.

altiuscitiusfortius · 2016-06-04T15:04:13+00:00

The best time to have first started messing around with girls was 6 years ago for you. The second best time, is now.

This statement works for anything. Don't let starting a bit late make you not start at all. Its still worth doing. You've got a good 40 year of getting with hot girls still. So what if other people get 46 years. Theyre a rounding error apart.

That said, Ill be honest, from 24-30 it is not as easy to get girls, for me at least. But 30 plus? If you have a job, and you shower every day, you become Brad Pitt to all those girls who got married at 19 and are now divorced and looking to play the field, and all those 29 year olds who never got around to getting married and are now worried that they never will.

IBeStrokin121 · 2016-06-07T08:29:02+00:00

I understand what you're feeling man, and by no means do you sound like you're whining. You sound like a guy struggling with insecurities/fears regarding females that EVERY GUY struggles with at one time or another. Unfortunately, societal norms for men your age (the ever-stressful early 20s) don't necessarily provide good outlets for sharing this kinda thing amognst your peers. So my first piece of advice is... RELAX, you're not alone...

You're not a 'special case' because you didn't kiss a girl in college. In fact, there are probably far more guys at your school who HAVEN'T had a lot of sexual experiences in college vs. those who HAVE (You just don't know it, because who's broadcasting that??). Additionally, upon graduation it is very normal to panic about things you DIDN'T do in college. I guarantee you every single person in your class regrets missing out on some aspect. Even the guy who banged a thousand chicks regrets something he never did.

Now to speak from experience, through pretty much all of my high school & college days I felt the same way you did, especially in high school. And even though I DID have experiences with girls, I never felt like I was doing it "as much as I should in my college years," and I was constantly under the assumption that guys around me were getting more girls than I was. Looking back on that mentality, I really regret it. I wasted so much time freaking out about the girls I was hooking up with rather than enjoying the TRUE college experience -- finding myself. And even a few years later when I've shared stories with people about those exploits, I've realized that it was ME who was the 'special case.' Most people had a LOT less sex than I did (and I didn't have much). So honestly, you've wasted nothing. You got your college degree without the distraction of girls & parties & whatnot... You'll appreciate that one day (I spent a year partying & chasing girls so much so that I failed out of school and had to get back in, resulting in 5 years of college instead of 4!). So relax, enjoy your graduation, and be proud of yourself.

Lastly, I know you feel like you've missed out on so much that is now in your past, but for realz... the rest of your life is ahead of you, and life gets SO much cooler after college. Stressful as fuck, sure, but far more interesting. And now the girls aren't only at the bar, they're everywhere! At the coffee shop, the gym, at work, your apartment complex, some random place you could never have anticipated you'd find them. You've got plently of time to practice your game, and the real world is the best place to do it, because you're no longer trying to get with girls age 18-23, you can try to get ANY girl you'd like. So read up on some conversation techniques, some good lines, some men's fashion advice, and try 'em out, little by little. You'll get there eventually.

Oh and START WORKING OUT! Don't need to get ripped or anything, just get your endorphins flowing. I promise you you'll find confidence you didn't even know you had.

juloxx · 2016-06-03T19:48:51+00:00

Deal drugs. Sorry reddit white-knights.

It forces you to meet people, it makes said people instantly like you (despite your personality), gets you invited to parties, gets you invited to fun events, keeps you in social loops, girls associate you with good times, all while making you money, etc

No its not "the best" solution, but it is the quickest and most effective.

SuperLazyUnicorn · 2016-06-03T17:02:44+00:00

Hey man, I'm only 19 but I think I might have a simple tip for you (as I kinda relate to your situation a little bit, I might even post about it someday, but it's not important now).

For me, the number one thing is talking to strangers all the time, male or female, it doesn't matter, it will get you more confortable around people.

Example: you go to the gym, and ask someone how his/her day is going on, make small talk and then proceed to do your workout.

As someone said earlier, girls are people, so if you get confortable talking to anyone (with no intention of flirting) it will make meeting new girls much more easier.

This is not rocket science, you just have to be yourself, accept yourself, do not let your past determine your future, you haven't kissed a girl yet, just because you haven't until now it doesn't mean you never will.

You just have to stop making excuses, stop counting down the days to graduation, stop obsessing over it, the more you stress about it the worse it becomes. Just chill, try some meditation, it might help with some of your problems, just 5-10 minutes a day.

incans · 2016-06-03T17:17:57+00:00

Hi dear, I've passed through a very similar situation so I'll try to help you as much as I can!

I was also pressed by social anxiety and started my journey with almost zero friends and girls. Right now I feel extremely satisfied about my social and relationships life. I did a lot of cold-approaches (thousands), but besides that what I've found that really makes the difference is expressing myself without giving any fuck about what others might say. Calm down, I'm not trying to say act crazy, but I would like to say: ACT YOU (Lol).

I mean, if you see a nice girl just go talk to her, same for guys! If you find something funny or you would like to have a small talk with someone, just do it. And do it as an experimentation (not too seriously), just be curious to see what happens. Nothing wrong will happen :)

Well, I find extremely hard to compress years and years of trial and errors in a reddit reply, so write me trough this form from my website http://www.invinciblestate.com/contact/, maybe we can DM, I'll try to help you (for free of course LOL).

Toastwaver · 2016-06-03T20:06:59+00:00

Get drunk, find a drunk girl that is not quite as attractive as you, and get it done. That will give you the confidence to aim higher each successive opportunity.

xman1518 · 2016-06-03T15:29:02+00:00

give it another year.. by then if things aren't working out get a escort

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