A girl I'm hanging out with insists on chatting over text. What should I do?

ThrowawayPUA · 2017-04-23T14:24:05+00:00

She wants free entertainment. You are free entertainment. Any decently hot woman has tons of people chatting with her. Maybe you stand out as a better form of entertainment, but you're still just a cheap thrill that requires no investment on her part, and gives her plenty of validation.

Flip the script. Make her validate you, make her qualify herself to you.

q31 · 2017-04-23T13:09:38+00:00

You fell for her dumb trap, now I don't know that you get out if it. Possibly slow play the hell out of her by not texting back quickly.

If she complains, I'd reiterate that you don't like the texting angle and people who really want to get to know each other, spend time with each other getting to know them.

Prismagraphist · 2017-04-23T13:19:02+00:00

Until you two actually have sex, only use texting to set up a meet up time for a date, to share something EXTREMELY funny, or to share something sexual (only at night, so she's more aware that she's sleeping alone). Other than that, just be slow to respond back. You will not win her over by being the best texter.

marrymeodell · 2017-04-23T17:56:51+00:00

As a woman who doesn't know much about seduction, I am confused. Would you be okay with texting a lot after you guys start dating? Or do you just hate texting in general? I'm like the girl you described above. I want the person I'm talking to at the time to text me and I'm not playing games at all. I will meet in person too, but I like texting throughout the day and knowing that they want to talk to me. If they're unwillling to text me, then I see it as them not being interested in me.

a_shbli · 2017-04-23T14:30:32+00:00

Just tell her if she wants to get to know you better, she can do that in person and dont respond until she agrees.

easygo · 2017-04-23T17:33:07+00:00

Maybe you can ask to call her and talk on the phone when both of you have time. This satisfies her need for communication and doesn't make you seem like a weakling. That's what people use to do back in the day

progggrammerr99 · 2017-04-24T01:26:10+00:00

TELL HER TO PUSH THEM BRICKS NIBBA

252life · 2017-04-23T22:52:11+00:00

If you don't want to text her, then keep the texting to a minimum. If you don't want to text her but you keep doing it anyway, then it will start to show in the quality your text messages. Reluctant text messages lead to boring conversations and the attraction she has for you will quickly fade.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-04-24T02:38:10+00:00

______1: Your post is incomplete________

I hung out with this girl a week ago, and we had a good time but didn't do anything sexual.

A sexual time is not required for a good time.

She is definitely into me, she's told me multiple times.

What do you mean here? What exactly has she "told you" and how many times is multiple?

I met her through a mutual friend, but I slid into her dm's before I knew who she was.

You're glossing over some really important details here.

How did this meeting occur? What were you guys doing and where?
Who opened who, and how?
What did you talk about?
How did you guys end up swapping contact information?
What do you mean by saying that you started direct messaging her before you "knew who she was?" You didn't realize that you knew her from before? And you just direct message random people you don't know?
What was the substance of those DMs? What did you discuss with her?
What was her reaction to your direct messaging her?

We're talking about the set-up for all of this and you gloss over it with two sentences, assuming that it's not important, I guess. Which kind of suggests that you overlooked something in this early-going. This stuff isn't rocket science; the results don't come out of nowhere.

_2: Creating attraction by arguing, doesn't work_

It worked and I convinced her to hang out. Now 2 days ago she tells me she wants to "get to know me better" by texting me. For anybody who reads pickup forums, this is a huge no. I tell her that I don't like texting because I don't feel like it builds a real connection, and I'd rather hang out with her in person. She gets upset and says that she likes chatting over text and feels closer to the person.

The reality is, after you hung out with her in person, she didn't want to meet you in person after that, and wanted to text instead. Focusing on how some dudes on PUA forums say this is a no-no, is missing the point: She asked for this downgrade based on how things were going up to that point. Either you made a mistake by that point, or she just wasn't feeling it.

Either way, she had a valid reason to ask to back things up, so telling her that it "builds a real connection" to meet in person, is kind of a ridiculous argument to be making with someone who JUST told you where their boundaries were. She told you where her boundaries are, and you responded by telling her that you don't think those boundaries should be valid to her.

This won't fly. And you have already seen that it didn't work: she doubled down and got angry when you tried to explain away her feelings.

She also tells me she feels like I don't want to really get to know her, even though I'm the one who asks her to hang out in person.

Again, you're missing the point. SHE doesn't seem to want to get to know YOU better. Trying to argue with her about it is pointless. You can argue that she has "told you she's into you," all day, but in the end, what we have is a girl who doesn't want to hang with you, only text. Doesn't sound like she's that into you.

_3: This girl doesn't actually seem attractive to you anyway_

So now were texting everyday and it's about stupid shit that I have no time for. I don't know what to do, she's really hot and I want to date her but I don't want to text like this and she insists on it.

Listen to yourself. What are you really saying here? You find it attractive to want to be with someone who doesn't want to hang out and wants to talk about shit you find stupid. This is who you want to be with? Why? It's like you're masochistic. Just because she's physically attractive to you, doesn't mean shit. Obviously.

If you wanted a fling, this girl isn't it: she's slowing things way down like she wants a relationship. If you want a relationship, this girl sounds like a terrible idea since you think the things she wants to talk about are stupid.

_4: PUA advice is not coming from a single source_

Every piece of advice I've read says not to do this.

This post made me realize how stupid some PUA advice is

It's a common mistake to go onto forums and think that "every piece of advice" is from some unified source, when really, MOST of it comes from a variety of dudes. If you're lucky, SOME of them have SOMETHING figured out. Many of them are basically talking through their own issues and exploring ideas, when they post their "theories." Even those who post a theory as "fact," often find that their ideas evolve as they mature.

So I'd say, stop taking all this as if PUAs are all reading from the same handbook. And just because you read it on a forum, does not give it some magical authority. So it's a post on Seddit or some pickup forum? Great, it means that some dude was able to find the forum, the moderators didn't delete his post, and didn't ban him. That's basically all it means.

IWriteForGroupies · 2017-04-23T12:52:03+00:00

Compromise

CaffineAddictNYC · 2017-04-23T15:13:56+00:00

Just don't text her until a day before you want to schedule a time to meet her. Tell her your busy if she asks why you didn't text her. You're not her boyfriend.

deville05 · 2017-04-23T15:53:08+00:00

I'd yr not fucking then you are not gaining anything. Chat on text for a bit. Give her a taste of what chatting with you could be like then cut off if it doesn't lead to sex. You can chat again with her is she is on rotation

ForeignInUsA · 2017-04-23T21:59:39+00:00

Every girl requires different amount of texting. The best you can do to compromise is to call her. This will build a little bit more comfort, but again don't do the 1h calls. But yes if you have abundance and are busy you would not spend 10h per day texting. With that said a lot of guys here will tell you what to do. However decide by yourself what your boundaries are and always fucking stick by them. If you do this I guarantee you that you will have more girls to hang out with and more girls that respect you.

Jaymilineal · 2017-04-23T22:19:16+00:00

you say in the post, "it's about stupid shit that I have no time for."

don't make time for it.

2017-04-24T00:47:59+00:00

Do what you want to do. If you wanna text her, than do it. If you don't want to because you'll get needy, then don't. I personally built a real strong relationship over text. As long as you keep living your life instead of making her the center of your world, you'll be fine

thefickle500 · 2017-04-23T16:25:56+00:00

Great advice from ThrowawayPUA, however, I would like to talk about the fundamentals. Your fundamentals in this case...

You see, you are trying to date her because "she is really hot". Now, that maybe because you want to have a self-validation (like what she is doing right now to you). Or, you just simply want to sleep with her - which is understandable, she is hot. The dating part is what bothers me... Reverse engineer your beliefs. You are saying "you tell her that you don't like texting", but you are doing it anyways... That shows that you not only do not support your standards but also needy and will do anything contradicting towards your belief system in order to please her. You say "don't want to text like this and she insists on it" - so don't! You are not free entertainment, you are not a cheap thrill. You are a man that has your own standards and knows what he wants. Now, some practical advice: 1.) Don't respond for a day, and see her reaction - you are busy with your life, and it is exciting! 2.) Make her want to be in your life - tell her about the amazing things that you do in your life for her to have a fear of missing out. Make this relatable to your text conversation. 3.) Be independent of her actions. You are not a game that requires 25 cents to provide an entertainment - you are a man that has standards and has an exciting life.

All the best, Nikita ;)

2017-04-23T16:51:45+00:00

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LSDoughnut · 2017-04-23T16:45:42+00:00

You obviously don't have time for her, why should she waste time with you? Girls love to text, deal with it. Women are hardwired to communicate, thats why you see them blabbing about nothing on cellphones while they drive, or calling people for no reason other than to say whats up, i had the best mochachina coffee today, etc... A guy that can't communicate with a woman might as well be a hermit.

Shadowking_XIII · 2017-04-23T17:54:19+00:00

What the big deal about texting? Why do all the forums say not to do it?

TotesMessenger · 2017-04-24T01:32:57+00:00

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

[/r/drugscirclejerk] When /u/LSDoughnut takes a break from PUSHING BRICKS...

^{If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads.} ^(Info ^/ ^Contact)

santereality · 2017-04-23T19:09:57+00:00

I don't think it's such an awful thing that she wants to text you. Obviously you don't want to break contact and move on like some of these weaboos are suggesting.

If it were me, I'd just make the predominant theme in your conversations that you intend to sleep with her. If she strays from that theme for too long then don't text her for an hour or something.

mistermorteau · 2017-04-23T16:20:22+00:00

Next question she asks you by text, you tell her she will receive the answer at which place, which time.

DaygameCoach · 2017-04-23T19:22:15+00:00

Where is your "abundance mentality" and "I am the prize" frame?

skinisblackmetallic · 2017-04-23T16:38:16+00:00

So, you're not actually nice. I see.

GimmeSomeLiquid · 2017-04-24T00:19:40+00:00

Dude you are obviously incompatible, move on. If this is not your thing and even when you force yourself to do it she doesn't say anything that interests you it's a no match. Don't do it just because she's hot, there are plenty of hot women out there that you are going to be compatible with

CibrecaNA · 2017-04-23T15:58:32+00:00

Uhhh... when she says something stupid say "I don't have time for this." She'll either chase or you'll be relieved of her.

Either way, eventually just tell her you'll be at so and so bar later that night and tell her she can meet you there. Make it a bar that you'd actually be at--or that you'd be close to in case she doesn't confirm she'll be there [or go with friends.] If she shows up--escalate sexually and remind her "this is way better than texts." If you have sex with her--then you can go back to texting--BUT NOT REALLY--just text a hook up i.e. "I'm at home watching a movie. Seen 'Get out?'" [Lol I don't know movies.]

Hope that makes sense?

You can even say, "I don't have time, I'm getting ready to go to a bar and hang out with friends." If she shows up and you're alone--just say they left. LOL.

2017-04-23T16:28:43+00:00

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skinisblackmetallic · 2017-04-23T16:22:49+00:00

You like to explain shit to chicks and believe what they say instead of what they do.

2017-04-23T19:32:52+00:00

she's shit testing, maintain frame.

youlovethisish · 2017-04-23T19:45:53+00:00

Everyone here is right, she's just using you. But you might as well have a little fun with it.

Utilize all the points mentioned here, but also don't be afraid to make the text conversation sexual. sextual, if you will. You'd be surprised at how quickly a deeply descriptive erotic paragraph will moisten the loins of virtually any woman (edit - if she's already at least mildly attracted to you). If you're articulate, do it yourself. If you're not, ask your English major friends for help.

COMMO_Fix_It_Bitch · 2017-04-24T00:32:13+00:00

This is the first thread on /r/seduction that I've encountered so many "females" posting. A lot of the posts tend to be "well I'm the subject matter expert because I'm a woman, and that's not true" when it's something as basic as "some women want your time, you're free entertainment"

Is this subreddit being brigaded?

STylerMLmusic · 2017-04-24T00:38:24+00:00

Move on, don't validate her behaviour.

Veganpuncher · 2017-04-23T16:46:36+00:00

Don't respond. Make her come to you.

Txt isn't communication, it's junk mail. Be a man.

Title	A girl I'm hanging out with insists on chatting over text. What should I do?
Author	LSDoughnut
Upvotes	116
Comments	108
Date	April 23, 2017 12:42 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/67211h/a_girl_im_hanging_out_with_insists_on_chatting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/a-girl-im-hanging-out-with-insists-on-chatting.1423747 https://theredarchive.com/post/1423747

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TELL HER TO PUSH THEM BRICKS NIBBA