Send it?

Visual_Cycle_1066 · 2024-03-08T01:05:20+00:00

This short story is a good example of why you never move out of the house. Brother you provide no details as to how it happens to be that you are living separate from your kids and have no current control of the situation, but for illustrative purposes and for the benefit of the forum, it doesn't really matter. Gentlemen, do not move out or allow the wife to leave with the kids, period full stop, without a signed sealed delivered custody agreement.

I personally endured 8 months of in-house separation with my then wife because it took that long to separate property and come to a custody agreement. I did agree to allow her to keep the house (but I pulled my share of equity) so I was the one who ultimately moved out (wouldn't do that again - keep the house). I was not budging from the house until then. I didn't even budge from the master bedroom.

My brother I feel for your bad spot and you need a lawyer yesterday. Do you have a credit card you can use to retain one? Borrow money? Sell something? Get a lawyer man.

Don't send that text. Do text her that you want to see the kids and work out a custody schedule right away. I would text her every other day until you get a response and also, in case I didn't mention this already, get a lawyer.

Oh yeah I almost forgot, one more very important thing, get a lawyer.

Wishing you well my friend.

bluephotoshop · 2024-03-07T20:12:41+00:00

Lawyer up one way or another. Consider driving to the kids -with a police escort for safety. Get her to sign a custody sharing arrangement. The longer you let this slide, the harder it will be to get ANY custody arrangement.

huggsnkisses · 2024-03-07T18:42:37+00:00

Here's what I'd send.

I miss them, when can I see them?

Next day same

MartyMcFly7 · 2024-03-07T18:15:52+00:00

Nope. Say as few words as possible and stick to times, dates, and other logistics.

Assume that if the kids were in trouble, she'd be blowing up your phone. It's natural to worry, but your kids are fine.

When it's your turn to see them, by whatever agreement you work up, you probably don't want her asking how they're doing (or telling you about how her life is going). It just seems like there's an ulterior motive there.

Reflog1791 · 2024-03-07T18:12:12+00:00

On one hand this message sucks. On the other hand if you say nothing she will claim that you never tried to contact your kids.

Therefore my advice is much simpler shorter email straight to the point. Send it once a week, no more. “Good morning, I would like to check in with Jack, Christopher, and Diana. Please let me know when they are free to chat.”

Reminder: you know she’ll make it difficult. She’ll say all sorts of nasty things or nothing at all. Maybe she’ll have the kids call you but probably not. This short weekly message shows the judge that you have requested contact. When you ignore her spiteful angry replies, you are also collecting evidence of her anger and poor judgment AND evidence of your restraint and good judgement.

potatotornado44 · 2024-03-07T18:04:39+00:00

First off, no, absolutely do not send that message.

What does your parenting agreement say about your parenting time schedule?

There should also be specific rules about the method of communication and response times for a message sent..

Is your divorce not final yet?

pikohina · 2024-03-07T18:01:35+00:00

No. Full stop.

Your inner logic is telling you the answer, hence the post. You’re too emotional and crossing a boundary. You are showing her you don’t trust her with the kids. Nothing you can do about it. Stay no contact, gray rock, and only comm logistica about the kids. You will get through to a good place eventually.

Title	Send it?
Author	Cheb44
Upvotes	5
Comments	22
Date	March 7, 2024 5:54 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1b90yek/send_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/send-it.1426135 https://theredarchive.com/post/1426135

Comments