Why are so many people afraid to make a move?

LakerNation1991 · 2024-02-12T19:30:38+00:00

I think the reason I’m afraid is because I don’t understand that nuance, have no idea on where to start on how to build attraction so I choose not to approach than stumble into something

IanPowers26 · 2024-02-12T16:15:51+00:00

I guess approach anxiety kind of does the job for me :)

nintendoborn1 · 2024-02-12T18:44:38+00:00

Not sure. Trying to get to talking to girls though and not be afraid

NightPilot14 · 2024-02-13T04:21:23+00:00

1) I don’t want to make women uncomfortable; the current trend appears to be that women don’t enjoy being approached in most contexts (exceptions being that they are in social places and are in the mood for being approached)

2) I have nothing to say. The work I do in college is uninteresting. My interests aren’t something that can be brought up in normal conversation. Given the amount of shit I have to do for school, I don’t really engage in stuff outside of that besides video games on some nights. In summary: I’m boring.

3) I am unable to flirt; I never learned how to behave “sexually”, and was more or less taught to think of flirting as sexual harassment. I’m more or less a robot with the personality of cardboard.

4) most importantly: I don’t feel attraction until interacting with a woman on at least a few occasions. The last time this happened, she mentioned her boyfriend in conversation (rip)!

convemma · 2024-02-13T07:29:30+00:00

A man most likely will rejected by women even though he is above avarage. You have to play stupid mind games which is almost every girl fall on it. This is not my thing i dont want to play a game all i want to have a healthy relationship.

Also i find most women are boring in theese days. When i have a conversation with a girl i realised that im the one whos always trying find a funny toppic. Not worth it.

TRTGymBro · 2024-02-12T17:54:20+00:00

I think because people tell themselves "If I make a move I may get rejected and that will be uncomfortable". Which is a sane and true statement. But then they usually add (spoken or unspoken), "and if I do get rejected it means that I'm a worthless loser and everybody will laugh at me, therefore I MUST never fail". Which of course leads to total avoidance, playing it too safe, or being too platonic and taking weeks, months and even years to express your interest.

The second part of that thought though is completely irrational. There is no evidence that a rejection has a deciding factor on your self worth as a person. Also, there is no evidence that every move MUST lead to a desirable outcome. We would certainly prefer that, but to say that it is an absolute MUST is just insane. You can't control how another human being reacts. They may or may not reject you. So why demand of yourself that every time you make a move it must lead to the best outcome? That's just crazy. If that were the case wjth everything we would never ever do anything in life because there is always the risk of getting an unfavorable outcome. Furthermore if you get an unfavorable outcome, such as a rejection, while it may be temporarily unpleasant it will certainly not prevent you from continuing to enjoy your life.

Women and sex, contrary to popular belief, are not essential to life.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2024-02-12T20:33:29+00:00

People are afraid to make a move because they see engaging with a woman and vibing as a chore...a puzzle to solve, a hurdle to jump.

It should be FUN and comfortable for both people. This is what the majority of guys are missing out on.

They just need to learn to make it fun for themself and the girl.

The fun comes with polarity. Once a man understands this concept it is possible for him to charm most women at will regardless if they are actually interested or not. Liking someone is voluntary, being attracted is not, dudes just have to learn the nuisances.

the_chromozone · 2024-02-13T06:57:21+00:00

Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of embarrassment. Avoidance. Anxiety.

AnAIAteMyBaby · 2024-02-12T22:48:48+00:00

I think it's two things fear of rejection and a misunderstanding of what women want.

The type of guy who hesitant to make a move is generally a nice guy. He's been told that women don't like strangers acting inappropriately towards them so he thinks that acting like a gentleman (ie not really making a move) is what women want.

The reason some guys go too far in the other direction is a lack of empathy. They don't really understand how female sexuality works and assume it's very similar to how their male sexuality works. They would be happy if an attractive woman treated them like a sex doll so they assume women will respond well if they do that to them.

Whole_Day9866 · 2024-02-13T01:59:21+00:00

The amount of porn that is easily accessible makes men never have to gain the courage to approach women

BigStudley01 · 2024-02-13T03:21:43+00:00

A serious lacking of self confidence and boys who haven’t yet had the proper opportunity to become men.

Also, a lot self-sabotage and doubt created by all the Information streams that keep trying to teach us that women don’t want to be bothered by us, or that those feelings and impulses we have are inherently bad. We basically sabotage our own DNA.

DevDom316 · 2024-02-12T20:04:11+00:00

What are some of your favorite ways of firmly establishing your desires in a way that isn't overt as you say?

richion07 · 2024-02-12T21:51:14+00:00

“You can lift the stone without being prepared for the snake that lies underneath”. Sometimes when we make a move, we aren’t prepared for the consequences that follow. If it goes badly, then of course it’ll hit hard. And of course, the potential outcome of getting “metooed” and being embarrassed in front of a crowd but chances of that happening are near zero. Though zero would definitely be nice. If it goes well, sometimes people find it hard to process thinking “I never thought I’d make it this far” and don’t know how to handle it.

EmperorofXhia · 2024-02-12T23:32:26+00:00

Boredom, but to flirt is awsome in generally, teasing, push and pull,like a wave but OK in order to do that you have to be in places with women, and yeah, I am not going much in those places, - until today - future is unknown etc - so I have no game years now, - ofcourse I may come back this year - or not we will see (I took your post as an excuse to rant myself lol)

DryIndependent1 · 2024-02-12T23:46:30+00:00

One word: COVID.

ConfidentMongoose874 · 2024-02-13T01:17:58+00:00

I think the metoo movement might have something to do with it. It's like there was 3 types. Guys who don't know how to Flirt and give it a shot and might fall on their face. maybe be cringe but improve with time. Over time he turns into guy number 2. Guy 2 is a reasonable person. Shoots his shot, not creepy, reads social cues, respectful etc. Guy 3 is the creeper. Nuff said. When metoo happened, rightfully so, it gave Guy 1 the idea that " woman don't want to be bothered at all." "I don't want to be a creep so I'll leave them alone or maybe ask them out and if they say no never ask them out again." Guy 1 never learns nuance and Guy number 2 becomes more rare or Guy 1 becomes so frustrated and warped by incel culture he turns into Guy 3. I have heard from female youtubers interviewing other woman and from the anecdotal evidence from those videos it seems overall woman are approached less and imo its because everyone's afraid to be labeled a creep.

FanAccomplished7407 · 2024-02-13T02:42:53+00:00

Some people are just too shy to talk to someone they’re interested or are attracted to it is not easy for someone who’s extremely shy it takes a lot of courage to step outside your comfort zone

DryIndependent1 · 2024-02-12T23:43:16+00:00

I just assume everyone has COVID-19 atm.

pm_me_w_nudes · 2024-02-13T02:22:22+00:00

Lol I just saw a video where the girl said she humiliated the guy because how dare he talk to her or think he was worthy of her time 🧐

i_am_smoothbrain · 2024-02-13T00:51:38+00:00

I don't want to get accused of bothering women in MY BAR

Leather-Analysis1729 · 2024-02-13T03:30:18+00:00

Society these days have given so many insecure and too many options to hide/ avoid.

SugarDynamiteDelight · 2024-02-13T04:39:32+00:00

Man Im pretty good with approaches but totally laid an egg earlier this post just reminded me of that and how action beats inaction and regret every time

Imscubbabish · 2024-02-13T05:57:52+00:00

I think it's the fear of rejection. Or the fear of how the other will react. Took me a long time to finally get over that. RIP to the opportunities we all miss due to fear

LaughingStockTheBoat · 2024-02-13T06:30:53+00:00

What do you mean by making a move?

3boodqt · 2024-02-14T05:27:57+00:00

For two reasons..

They have being faced with rejections too many times.
They don’t have no flirting skills, so they’ll afraid of being awkward and creepy.

If you see my last post, you’d see I literally get anxiety from approaching three girls who sat together. Two I can handle, three is too much on my body; Blood pressure is high, leg shaking, all in all awful experience

Title	Why are so many people afraid to make a move?
Author	Smittit
Upvotes	16
Comments	73
Date	February 12, 2024 4:03 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ap3dgs/why_are_so_many_people_afraid_to_make_a_move/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-are-so-many-people-afraid-to-make-a-move.1427692 https://theredarchive.com/post/1427692

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