How do I give a shit again about dating after breakup?

juju3435 · 2018-06-25T03:29:38+00:00

For what it’s worth, in my experience I have found the best answer is time. I went through something similar a few years back and couldn’t even think about dating someone else for awhile. Then one day I woke up and I was over it. I have now been with my current significant other for 5 years and I am much happier than I ever was in past relationships.

This probably is not the answer you are looking for (I know it wasn’t the answer I was looking for at the time) but it’s the truth. Just give it some time you’ll get there.

Reaver_ · 2018-06-25T05:39:18+00:00

Don't do something you don't actually want to do. Don't do something because you think you should. Do it because you want to. If you don't actually want to approach girls right now, then don't. You just got out of a 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIP. It's gonna take more than a couple weeks to really get over that. If you want to just be alone for a while, then be alone. A bit of isolation in times like these is good. Take time for yourself to process everything, take time to be alone and feel sad, like ACTUALLY let yourself be sad if you're feeling sad. Hell, cry it out my dude. Have yourself a good solid cry if that's what you're feeling. Like solid, heaving, ugly cry. Nothing has ever made me feel more rejuvenated than after a good man cry. But that's a complete digression. Look, you'll know when you're ready to start dating again, and now is clearly not the time. So just focus on yourself for a bit, and put time and energy into your friends instead of random girls you don't actually give a shit about. Hope you're doing okay, my guy. I don't know the details of the relationship or breakup, but you're not alone, you've got friends and fam who love you.

fuzzyjw · 2018-06-25T03:56:38+00:00

I went through the same thing a year ago. My advice would be to hangout with friends, make new friends. Try new experiences, new hobbies. I wouldn't worry about meeting someone new, go have fun and do whatever the fuck you want.

what-diddy-what-what · 2018-06-25T06:07:27+00:00

Give yourself time bro. It heals everything. Once you are no longer crying, or thinking about the loss, then ease back into dating. Most of your initial relationships are going to be fuck ups. Rebound dating is bad for you and your unlucky partner. Thats life. The best advice though is to wait till you're over the uncontrollable emotions, and you'll have a better change at doing as little damage to others as possible.

Riversfomo · 2018-06-25T06:08:38+00:00

You sound jaded. Put yourself on a sabbatical and go cold turkey. Don’t be messing with women when you’re not feeling any of it. It might mess you up mentally. Only do what you wanna do. Socially, you should always do what you feel like doing. Don’t force yourself into anything else. Although, you can always try new things even if you don’t feel like doing them because you might discover something you like.

fakingglory · 2018-06-25T06:09:39+00:00

In three months, it’ll stop hurting. In three years, your memory of her will be the same as an old roommate. In thirty years, she’ll just be another notch on the bed post.

Sh1do · 2018-06-25T07:11:01+00:00

Like others pointed out, do whatever you want.

Theres no need to date new woman that fast after a long term relationship.

You should give yourself some time to heal and analyse the relationship. What worked out great or what didnt work out and why did you two break up.

There is a big opportunity to learn from your mistakes, so you dont repeat them.

You are going to make the same mistakes again otherwise.

Big life changes like that are a big chance to work on yourself and focus only on yourself.

If you go out and find some women, you will only use them to cope with the pain that might be still there.

And since you attract what you are, I could imagine that you will find a girl that wont enrich your life in any way.

Stay alone, try to accept that situation and find out how awesome you can be on your own.

Once you build a good foundation, you can think again about dating again and you will find the girls that you truly deserve.

purplestuff11 · 2018-06-25T06:42:14+00:00

Time. It's like a cut. You can scream and get mad at it all you want but that won't make it heal faster. But if you just accept that it happened and leave it at that one day you'll realize it's gone. Doesn't matter what it is, a bad experience with an activity will make me avoid it for awhile but I know I'll get over it or forget about it eventually. You will too and just knowing that could help you feel a little better now.

hunterpua · 2018-06-25T18:47:13+00:00

Why should you try to give a shit? My philosophy is if you want something then go get it, if you don't want something then don't bother.

Besides, what are you looking to feel?

When I went through a breakup I just picked up girls so that I wouldn't need to masturbate too often. It was purely about sex. It was never about filling some sort of void or getting a sense of fulfillment. Heck, that's still technically the reason I go get girls now.

Getting laid will only give you a sense of fulfillment when you used to suck at it but when its established that you've changed and you know you can get girls, getting laid will only feel like getting laid.

So if you're feeling empty, getting girls wont fix that. Go after something else that's meaningful in your life. That's what I do.

storystoddy · 2018-06-26T06:27:29+00:00

There is some great advice on this thread. I really can relate to you, bro. I was with someone for 6 years. It was intense, toxic at the end. Also, she worked at hooters so there's that too lol

Anyways, please learn from my mistakes.

I met girls almost always online because I had nil social life with the long, toxic relationship and being 30 and my career, etc. I met two girls that I actually would of considered amazing to date if I met them tomorrow. Smart, funny, hot, younger than me, etc.

Instead I was so emotionally dead inside I could not even make any sort of connection or commitment. I showed zero affection after sex and, even worse, I did not trust them so I did not even try to commit. Obviously, I banged girls, but I will never lie to you, this helped ZERO. don't listen to anyone who says, get laid that solves it.:

Simply untrue.

My advice for you do something for YOURSELF you have been with another person for years. So seriously even if you think it is something lame just get a new hobby. Then make some new friends so you have no connection between them and your past life.

Finally, you will eventually want to get back out there. do these things first don't do what I did. you will just hurt others, and ultimately yourself and drop into a dark dark place.

rawdfarva · 2018-06-25T05:43:24+00:00

Pick up a new hobby and meet women with similar interests.

kaleidoscopekitten2 · 2018-06-25T11:21:43+00:00

There is a subreddit for breakups. I’m not on it anymore, so I forget if it’s breakup or breakups. I’m also unsure how to link other threads. It was helpful for it’s time and then I had to do my own legwork. Today I’m actually going and claiming this bar that has fun crafting activities from an alcoholic that doesn’t deserve such a fun place. This feels like the final step I needed to recover. I guess seeing him and being fine would be the final step, but this is really close to that step. Good luck. It sucks, but healing takes time.

ReighIB · 2018-06-25T12:39:34+00:00

Damn man Im sorry to hear that. That's rough.

Like others said, just give it some time and go back to dating when you're ready. The time part sucks, though, at least for me.

I want to say keep yourself busy but I couldn't really do that without having intruding thoughts every now and then. How could you not, you know? Also the feeling of I don't really want to do anything doesn't exactly help either.

One thing I did was write down all of my rumination on paper. For me, writing things down on paper makes it somewhat less worse than just thinking about it. Don't know if that'll do you any good but that's what I did.

Sending good vibes your way.

IWLoseIt · 2018-06-25T12:55:40+00:00

Give yourself time to heal. How can you care about other women when you've just lost the one you cared so much about? Time heals all wounds, let it heal yours. The rest will come.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-06-25T14:16:39+00:00

1

How do I give a shit again about dating after breakup?

I recently got out of a relationship that lasted over 5 years a few weeks ago. I've been trying to care about meeting women again, but i just don't lately.

I used to be part of this sub years ago

First thing to acknowledge is that a lot of seduction philosophy that was floating around 5 years ago, was more likely to include things that actually increase the chances any relationship created out of those methods, will blow up in your face.

2

Approaching is difficult, partly because it's been so long but also because I don't even care and feel apathetic. For example I forced myself to try and rebound thinking it would help, wound up making out with a girl I met at a bar, but I felt nothing at all. Like I didn't even enjoy it and didn't even want her to come back with me because I just wanted to be by myself.

Sounds like you're saying that this rebound attempt involved:

You going for a girl just because you could. Like you saw the angles and how to work them and went for it.
Sounds like there was less concerned about what you actually wanted in a person, just a focus on reclaiming your manhood or something. Getting your groove back. Etc.
But since you just going there because you could, not because you wanted to, it was like you were selling yourself out to get there, is that fair to say? Going through the motions to push her buttons but none of it was pushing your buttons?

Sounds like you also still need to recover yourself after the break-up. So it just might feel disgusting to be with people for a while.

3

I'm not trying to get back with my ex or anything like that, I'm obviously upset about it, but I realize that it's for the best currently.

Look, I hate to ask, but the past often affects the present, especially in things like this.

How did the break-up happen? Who initiated it? Why? How did the other party react?
Did you see the break-up coming? If so, for how long and how did you figure it out?
How did the relationship start, basically? How did you meet? Who opened who, etc.? How did you end up with titles, etc?

4

Maybe I'm trying to push myself too quickly, but I'm having issues with not only confidence, but also just caring in general.

It's a common thread for humans, really. Sometimes a rebound is good after a break-up. Sometimes they're the worst possible thing. You don't have to justify a thing; if you need time, take it. That's normal. If you don't need time, that can be normal too. But only you can say.

But as Juju3435 mentioned, time is a factor. Another factor is reminding yourself of how the break-up is for the best and processing the loss to a place of acceptance as soon as possible.

WeaponLord · 2018-06-25T17:02:38+00:00

It's goooooing to take awhile and you'll never be the same again, you'll have trust issues and be wary of fully giving yourself to someone after being with someone so long, FYI just know that you're never going to be the same again but you will meet someone who eventually takes that pain away but in the back of your head you'll always be giving half of yourself because you know it can f you over. (lots of guys mask this pain by going out with a shit ton of girls ..that really doesn't do anything it's just temporary relief, the best thing to do is just focus on yourself and you'll randomly meet someone and it'll naturally happen when you aren't looking or trying)

ahoysnailer · 2018-06-25T19:04:06+00:00

I don't have any advice, but I am also going through this (I'm a girl though), also was in a ~5yr relationship which makes it harder too because you are so used to that one person. it sucks but I think it's pretty normal and will come back in time

Drueee · 2018-06-25T04:06:55+00:00

Yeah. Let yourself just get used to being single again and enjoy just focusing on you. I don’t remember where I heard it but it’s pretty stupid and made-up but some relationship “expert” said you should give yourself 1 month to recover for every year you and your ex spent together before dating again.

It sounds like bullshit but ultimately just listen to yourself. Forcing yourself to fuck other girls when you’re not into it isn’t doing you or the ladies any favors.

brago97 · 2022-02-01T10:26:45+00:00

How are you feeling now ?

DarkArtsPUA11 · 2018-06-25T04:07:32+00:00

you'll start caring again once you're horny

Title	How do I give a shit again about dating after breakup?
Author	zoyzause
Upvotes	41
Comments	33
Date	June 25, 2018 3:20 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/8tnbid/how_do_i_give_a_shit_again_about_dating_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-i-give-a-shit-again-about-dating-after.1448727 https://theredarchive.com/post/1448727

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