Guys who have a crush on your GF and your GF tells you... How to react? Is it a test?

WIA20XX · 2018-09-01T13:13:05+00:00

I see if we can get something out of him. Maybe he'll send a pizza or something.

You seem to be threatened by her telling you about her life. That will not bode well.

PUA isn't really good at teaching relationship management, which is a bit of an indictment of 99% of the gurus out there.

JSintra · 2018-09-01T17:37:10+00:00

First of all, women, and especially attractive ones, will always be getting attention from men. It's just how it is, and you have to realize that every guy with a girlfriend has to just live with it. We can't do anything about it, nor should we try.

With that said, it's totally on her on how to handle this kind of situation. A good and mature girlfriend will defuse the situation (they're painfully aware of what's going on and how to do this) or ignore it, either moving the conversation in another direction or drying it out. Sometimes they may share as an ego boost, but they know what must be done and will do it. When past gfs have shared things like this with me, all I did was laugh and ask what she did and how she felt, making it fun to talk about the event.

You shouldn't be feeling anything except for amusement. Since this isn't the case, it's obvious you're feeling a bit insecure, and that's ok. You're probably young and inexperienced, and nobody is born knowing it all.

Understand that this is outside your control: there's nothing you can do or say that is going to cure the insecurity. Your gf is going to go through life being approached by multiple men. She'll have to decide what to do, and there's little you can do to influence her, except for being a stand up guy she will prefer over the others. Which is why internal game is so important: if you're the best version of yourself, you know you're going to be ok no matter what happens. If she leaves or cheats, she's just another dumb girl who can't appreciate a man, and you'll just go find a better girl.

You're not at this point yet, but you should try to get there. This is something you can do even if you're in a relationship.

As for her question? I'd answer "do what you want, it's your problem, not mine", shrug and smile, and talk about something else. If you're confident enough (and actually feel like doing this), you can turn it into a fun event; maybe ask her how she plans on turning him down, or maybe tease him a little bit. I'm over that kind of thing and have no interest, but others might want to have some fun with the situation.

Don't think about him. He doesn't matter. Just some loser who doesn't have the balls to straight up state his interest and resorts instead to subterfuge to ingratiate himself with your gf. She's probably read him like a book and has no interest. She's probably just trying to amuse herself with the situation, and perhaps (I can't tell for sure) is testing you to see how you react.

dromance · 2018-09-01T12:31:20+00:00

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Oranha1 · 2018-09-01T12:55:28+00:00

I’m totally with the guy ☝️ there. Listen bro, either your gf is a very shy and delicate person- in which case it’s completely ok, but... if she’s not, she’s 100% testing you. You are the only person who can tell which of the following is more likely. And btw- telling her how to react in such circumstances will not only show her that you are committed, but that you’re protecting her- which is important for girls to feel that way. Good luck! Hope this helps!

prettyheartbreak · 2018-09-01T18:42:56+00:00

First thing I do is contemplate if it’s worth going to prison for taking him out I forgot to mention I’m the jealous type in serious relationships.

2018-09-01T18:56:04+00:00

That guy's sounds like a creep lol I would just block him. Don't even understand why your gf is asking you what to do she must be dense or something.

2018-09-01T21:56:52+00:00

How long have you been with her and how committed are you two? If it's only been a few months, it may be her testing you to see how much you want her and how committed to her you are.

Alex_O7 · 2018-09-01T16:32:41+00:00

You don't have to overreact of this. Be yourself, if your girl picked you that would be a reason. Make joke about him with your GF, but don't take it too seriously or she could think that you are a frighten beta male.

If he continue to text your girl for a while, say to her that she have to stop answer back "because is bad to put guys into friendzone for no reason... and you are a good girl, don't you?"

Ikuyas · 2018-09-01T17:18:21+00:00

If he is worthy for you to make a friend with and do it, it tells your girl friend that you are a super alpha. Likely he may not. Maybe your girl friend can reply to him that you are wondering if you are a cool guy to hang with and ask what he does for a job and so on. If he actually does or have something then you can kinda take advantage of him not the way you exploit but do something both get benefit from. You may help him find a date and so on if it he seems worthy to spend some time for. I am not just suggesting this out of the blue. It is a totally your alphaness showing off opportunity this way. You can show off that you care about little people around. If you do this much, the guy won't be able to do anything to your girl friend.

tryrforrob · 2018-09-01T18:05:33+00:00

This question is what went wrong with the community...you really don't know what you feel about your gf being chased by other guys ? Ffs, some authenticy maybe ? If you lose her cause you tell her you feel bad about it, it's either you don't feel u deserve her and it shows or she really is into some other guy

ajswdf · 2018-09-01T18:38:53+00:00

It depends on a lot of things, including your relationship and personality. But if it was me I'd tell her she should date him in a joking way. If he's good looking I'd point that out, if he has a lot of money I'd tell her to be a sugar baby so she could take me on vacation. You get the idea.

DaddyB0d · 2018-09-01T21:06:24+00:00

You: amused "Thirsty boys everywhere. What are you say to him?"

kellykebab · 2018-09-01T21:09:29+00:00

Depending on the girl, getting mad will make you seem unhinged. Nothing of real consequence has happened yet, so an overreaction on your part will look insecure.

If you're not okay with this messaging nonsense, calmly tell (don't ask) your gf to ghost this guy. She was nice enough to ask you how she should proceed, so fucking tell her. Women want a leader. Be that leader.

Kissofdeathxoxo · 2018-09-01T21:11:02+00:00

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iliketreesndcats · 2018-09-01T22:12:23+00:00

I think it's fair that you're coming here for help - but i also think that it's most important to process your personal feelings first in situations like this.

How does it make you feel for guys to talk to your partner? To joke? To flirt? To touch?

How does it feel for you if she has a positive interaction with someone whom you may consider "competition"? What if the interaction made her happy, or contributed meaningfully towards something she cares about and she is grateful?

When we analyse these kinds of feelings, we gain more control over them. Knowledge is power and power over one's emotions is quite some power indeed. This sort of stuff is polyamory101 - because lots of people don't want to throw a hissy fit when their partner has a positive experience with "the competition". So we CBT ourselves into feeling the way we want to feel when presented with that sort of situation.

I'm not saying that you are having a hissy fit; just that most people do and it blows my mind - the rules, restrictions and expectations people put on their partners. Some relationships are more like a zoo than a bond between humans

ImJustSo · 2018-09-01T23:36:35+00:00

Let me find the post, then I'll edit this and let you know

2018-09-02T00:13:19+00:00

Don’t be insecure about it because that’ll show her you’re threatened by the presence of another male and she’d rather be with a guy who isn’t threatened of other males because females seek security and someone to validate them

Kissofdeathxoxo · 2018-09-02T01:28:48+00:00

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2018-09-02T01:38:45+00:00

I can't remember who said that, but it's something that saved my bacon quite a few times :

''If you think she's testing you, and you don't know what to do or say, just shrug and ignore it''

alienturtlebake · 2018-09-02T01:40:20+00:00

Depends if I like him some really good guys love the woman in my life and I allow them to have that something special but when a douche bag comes along its my duty to keep him away from her if it's some bro looking for a fuck move along cause I ain't no cuck but if it's someone i can really adore spread the love and take some more

chronosthetitan · 2018-09-02T01:42:54+00:00

wonder what u/Hector_castillo thinks about this.

2018-09-02T03:59:49+00:00

I would suggest that she says...‘ since you know I have a bf, you shouldn’t be messaging me...’. Play it cool, there’s nothing to get mad about

jsteppe · 2018-09-02T04:05:39+00:00

I usually say something like "yeah, bad for him, let him be jealous, cause you're mine."

asthebroflys · 2018-09-02T04:23:27+00:00

My worthless two cents:

She's not testing you. Think about what he said in the message. "Hopefully your boyfriend isn't mad". First and foremost, she already told this dude about you. He's well aware that she is taken. That's big.

Second, he's a customer at work. If it was some random dude she wouldn't need any help crafting a reply. Pretend you're in her shoes:

A client at your job flirts with you. She looks you up and sends a harmless message, then another to gauge your interest. You tell your girlfriend and ask for advice on how to reply.

Are you playing head games with her? Are you testing her somehow? Of course not.

While I agree that this may not be the best sub for advice, a few others hit the nail on the head when they said don't act jealous. Acting jealous says "I'm insecure" AND "You're untrustworthy" at the same time.

The best way to reply is to give her good advice on how to let this dude down gently, and tease her a little.

"Are his biceps as big as mine? Probably not mine are huge."

"Oh man he drives a Corolla? I can't compete with that."

robershow · 2018-09-01T19:45:44+00:00

I think you should post this in /r/Relationships or /r/Relationship_Advice . I had a similar situation, me and my girl were in a club the guy had my girls’ phone number (her customer) he called in the middle of the night. I told him to fuck off and that he was going to sleep in a cold while I was fucking my girl. He stopped.

Cha_Cha_cho · 2018-09-01T16:57:11+00:00

She wants you to be the alpha. Instead of this, go out and game. Watch RSDMAX’s new video about quitting game. You won’t regret it.

smokesomeweed420 · 2018-09-01T13:37:45+00:00

hello again, how did things go with that retard hugging your gf? anyways i wouldn't bother texting ur gf about it, unless its really bothering you (but it shouldn't be it's not like she was instigating it). seems pretty alright to me, IMO she told you about it and maybe wanted to have some fun with it or something idk

Aristox · 2018-09-01T18:39:48+00:00

Why is this something that's intimidating you? Why is this something you would be mad about?

Are you mad at your GF for being attractive? That would be pretty stupid so I presume it's not that lol. So are you mad at this guy for trying to talk with your GF? He probably shouldn't be pushing since he knows she has a BF but fuck dude it's just no big deal. Chill out.

If your GF likes you then she'll stay with you. If she was planning on cheating on you or leaving you for him she wouldn't have told you about him and asked your advice. Honestly I think it's kinda disrespectful to your GF for you to be being worried about this and treating it like it's some huge problem to be dealt with.

If you're threatened by other guys then just focus on improving yourself, and developing a closer relationship with your GF. That's always gonna be the best protection against the relationship going bad.

If she wants your advice just give her legit advice like you would give to your sister or female friend if she was in the situation and wanted your advice.

Oranha1 · 2018-09-01T13:11:02+00:00

Do that! Whatever way you choose, I’m sure she’ll get the idea! Good luck! Tell me how it went, will be 🤞

dontstopmenow1966 · 2018-09-01T14:58:55+00:00

You know what is going on - she is telling you to get a reaction from you.
That doesn't mean she has to like the reaction that she gets from you, though.
You are welcome to make her feel small, insecure or afraid by telling you that.
Or, you can turn on her desire for you by your response.
How you do this is up to you, and you have many other choices in the way that you respond.
Remember, that what you say doesn't matter so much as how you say it.
You don't even have to say anything.

Gnostromo · 2018-09-01T16:26:34+00:00

“When girls hit on me subtlely I’ll be friendly but move on with my life “

“When girls hit on me if they are outright hitting I let them know I’m in a relationship”

“When girls hit on me I might flirt a little but I’m too busy for that crap”.

My point is it makes her put the shoe on the other foot also she may not be realizing you could be getting hit on also...

Title	Guys who have a crush on your GF and your GF tells you... How to react? Is it a test?
Author	dromance
Upvotes	100
Comments	65
Date	September 1, 2018 12:24 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9c2nu1/guys_who_have_a_crush_on_your_gf_and_your_gf/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/guys-who-have-a-crush-on-your-gf-and-your-gf-tells.1452592 https://theredarchive.com/post/1452592

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