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[–]freebeer69247 118 points119 points120 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Soldier, what's the status?
[–]throwawaymusur 64 points65 points66 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Updated
[–]charm33 12 points13 points14 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You did what you were supposed to. Good job!
[–]throwawaymusur 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Appreciate it!
[–]bIueberrygirl 223 points224 points225 points 6 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link
Uh, I think you should let it go. If she sounded and acted uninterested, she probably was.
[–]iTohke 31 points32 points33 points 6 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link
Some people can just naturally come off that way, i’d ask her out to get an actual answer, if she’s uninterested then move on.
[–]bIueberrygirl 72 points73 points74 points 6 years ago* (16 children) | Copy Link
I’ll tell you, most girls (myself included) will act interested if they are. I’m quiet/introverted, and if a guy I was interested in was trying to start a convo with me like that, I’d JUMP on it and reciprocate. However, if I’m not interested and I’d prefer a guy to stop talking to me, I’d act how the lady in his story did. If he REALLY feels like it was just the situation and not him, then he should go for it I guess.
[–]IllStep 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m quiet/introverted, and if a guy I was interested in was trying to start a convo with me like that, I’d JUMP on it and reciprocate.
I think the issue is that this sub wants to believe that you can MAKE her interested (I guess that's the idea of 'game'. Even if you are not her physical type/thus she isn't interested, you can make her interested)
Not that i believe in it either, but that's where they're coming from
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I didn't know my gf was interested in me AT ALL. Until she told me she loves me. She seemed like there's no way she'd have the slighest bit of interest until she dropped "I love you". So yeah, I wouldn't be generilizing one's personal experience and thoughts onto almost 4 billion people!
[+]whomeverIwishtobe -6 points-5 points-4 points 6 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link
That’s nice but guys have to be more aggressive and try harder in dating. So even if we know it’s a super slim chance, we have to take the rejection on the off chance that it’s not gonna turn out that way. We don’t usually have endless matches on tinder to fall back on or women approaching us regularly. The best advice I’d give OP is sure approach the librarian again but more importantly, keep approaching more than one woman and don’t fixate on random women you don’t know, like this library chick. Resist becoming attached in any way, especially to the outcome of approaches, until you are shown signs of serious interest. Also, you should be doing approaches constantly if you’re serious about dating. By serious about dating I mean actually wanting to find dates on a weekly basis.
[–]nutella-boi 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Nah.. we don’t have to “be aggressive and try harder”. 95% of the time, when its clear that there is no interest, there isn’t. It simply isn’t worth being a nuisance and making someone feel uncomfortable.
Stop propagating this “you’ll get it if you try hard enough” mentality. Listen to the signals and be respectful.
[–]salemslots 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Stop propagating this “you’ll get it if you try hard enough” mentality. Listen to the signals and be respectful
Yeah, this confuses me, tbh. I'm like 'Wait. Are we saying that basically 'game' doesn't exist?'. LIke, you can't make a girl like you. he either thinks you're hot or she doesn't. If she does, she'll speak back and engage. If not, she won't. No matter what. I don't really understand the point of this sub and all the PUA courses etc as it seems like, as you say, you really can't convince a girl to be sexually attracted to you tbh
[+]whomeverIwishtobe -13 points-12 points-11 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Nah. that’s the kind of bullshit that keeps men trapped in little boxes. The kind of attitude that makes men more depressed on average and more likely to commit suicide. The kind of attitude shoved down all mens throats, to the point most men wont talk to women at all. Most men do have to try harder than women, so women have to deal with rejecting more men. That’s simply life my dude. Men annoy women, women annoy men, nobody is hurt by it though, unless you’re a freak that gets mad at being rejected.
If you’re a man reading this, talk to everyone as much as possible. Don’t let assholes like this guy keep you trapped in the box.
[–]nutella-boi 15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If you’re a man reading this, talk to everyone and have the intelligence and the decency to stop when feelings are not reciprocated.
Your strength is in your wisdom and your morality and your self-control, not in this false braggadocio and banging on your chest like an ape.
You don’t sound calm or happy, my friend. Maybe your methods aren’t so enlightened afterall.
[–]HazyAttorney 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
and the decency to stop when feelings are not reciprocated.
He isn't saying that clues/hints aren't the best way to measure if feelings are reciprocated. Rather, being direct and actually asking someone out is. He isn't saying that a person should persist even if the other person expressly says no.
[–]whomeverIwishtobe 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude I literally said be willing to accept rejection MORE OFTEN as a man. Meaning, when a woman makes it clear she wants you to leave her alone, leave her alone.
How is anything I said braggadocious in the slightest? Being willing to talk to as many people as possible and extend a social olive branch?
I am in a happy relationship, date, and make friends all the time. That’s because I talk to everyone, am open and honest about who I am and my intentions and I listen and learn about everyone I talk to, and just because someone isn’t engaging the first time I speak to them I don’t assume they want me to fuck off. I’d be alot lonelier if I had.
I even told the dude to not fixate on any one woman, but to talk to everyone and see where it goes. Be more aggressive meaning talk to more people. Thats it! That’s more aggressive for most dudes.
Sorry you don’t seem to understand what this subreddit is about or how most of the men seeking advice here feel. The type of men like OP struggling to talk to any women and seek advice.
It’s funny that people like you only exist on reddit. I think it’s because this site is made up of mostly very socially awkward people and conservative people that aren’t open about social situations.
Not once have I had a bad experience just by talking to a person.
[–]croe3 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You're mistaking his point. He is simply saying that asking and being rejected is more sure than assuming she's not interested. Sometimes its very clear, and others it isnt. The upside of being wrong in your judgement of interest is that she may say yes when you thought she wouldnt, with the downside being that a girl you think might be uninterested simply says no when you ask her out. The upside outweighs the downside in this case. I dont believe hes suggesting keep berating a girl aggressively if you ask her out and she says no.
[–]TigerDank -5 points-4 points-3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Who give a shit if someone thinks you’re a nuisance?
[–]ChessenClook 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I think they just have to learn how to tell the difference between a woman who is and isn't interested tbh, women who are interested are usually trying to show it in some way. If you want a definite answer, ask her out.
[–]whomeverIwishtobe 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Learn to move on, that’s the most important part of dating for a man, accepting rejection and lack of interest. Respectfully most of all, don’t get nasty when it’s clear a woman doesn’t like you. You will hurt all men by doing that, make talking to women harder for everyone because the assumptions made about men based on that kind of behavior that men exhibit every day.
[–]ImanShumpertplus -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
In a normal situation yes, but work is completely different. Can’t hurt to talk to her again and see if it is any different now that he isn’t a stranger
[–]TigerDank -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You have no clue about this girl or what her mindset is.
[–]throwawaymusur 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I agree
[–]throwawaymusur 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Do_it_for_the_upvote 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Some people, especially those working, often are, because you're some rando who's never been around before. Many of these people will be willing to reciprocate more as the person comes around more often and becomes a name and a personality instead of just some faceless customer.
[–]Cacho_Later 87 points88 points89 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
He's in the trenches, boys. Walked in a boy, gonna come out a man.
[–]Imperator_Pyra 128 points129 points130 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
No, he's in the library and he's gonna come out with a book.
[–]Cacho_Later 23 points24 points25 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
A phone book of numbers he just scooped from the library.
[–]throwawaymusur 6 points7 points8 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]XtoDoubt 81 points82 points83 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Comfort is the opposite of arousal. You're asking interview questions. You need to get an emotional reaction out of her. Tease her. If she reacts well keep going with the tease until she asks you a question. Then chat a bit. Then get her number. Then bounce.
[–]Aerial_penguin 15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Comes from experience too tho
[–]SerialAgonist 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yea, those were super boring questions for her to answer
He just wasn't her type. It's all good. Nothing you can do. The girl in this thread above even said that she'd have jumped in and reciprocated them questions IF she was interested/he was her type
[–]TigerDank 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. Joke around. Cold reads. Observations. Self amuse.
[–][deleted] 44 points45 points46 points 6 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link
Leave people alone at work. They have no choice but to interact with you. Don't take advantage of that.
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This. I’m a guy but I work retail. I don’t want my customers bothering me like this, I don’t care how hot you are I’m in customer service and I don’t have time to flirt.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
[permanently deleted]
[–][deleted] 15 points16 points17 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Don't though.
Especially at a library.
Libraries, more so than any service industries, are unique because there is no limit to the amount of time a customer can be in that space and thus librarians have to deal with creeps longer and more often.
When they're on the floor, doing their job I assure you, they're not interested in your approach.
Leave them alone.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]FleurWeasley 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I'm a librarian. Please don't.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You seem incapable of viewing this from anything but your point of view.
If the librarian is interested, they'll make it known. If they're behaving in a strictly transactional manner; trust me, listen to me, believe me, leave them alone.
[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Or read what I wrote about librarians.
I don't remember mentioning yoga instructors.
[–]nutella-boi 32 points33 points34 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Move on dude. It’s part of her job to answer questions and be nice. Most librarians are lovely to talk to. If she didn’t even grant you that, then she must have sensed something and she’s taken. Or there’s zero chemistry. Or she was having a bad day.
If you really wanna try again, just go ask something and make a funny comment again and see how she reacts. If she’s cold, we’re done here. If she’s nicer, then maybe it was just an off day that day, and you can build slowly from there.
Just don’t blindly “keep trying” or “be direct” like some comments would suggest. It’s awkward for everyone involved and not nice to the person who is repeatedly being approached while working.
[–]throwawaymusur 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah
[–]G00PZ4DDY 18 points19 points20 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Send nudes
[–]OnARolll31 20 points21 points22 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
Never hit on someone in a customer service position. It is literally their job to be nice to you. And its very uncomfortable for them. Approach girls at a bar or club, somewhere that social interactions are voluntary not mandatory for their job position.
[+]TigerDank -6 points-5 points-4 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Why is it uncomfortable for them.
[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Because we’re working.
[–]OnARolll31 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Because if they don't like you or think you're creepy they can't just say "fuck off" and walk away. They have to stand there and be polite even if they don't want to.
[–]TigerDank 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
It sounds like you’re being negative. And if they do like him?
[–]OnARolll31 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Its still inappropriate, kinda hard to flirt on the clock.
Idk, I say make your move, however don’t do it in a place that you frequent. It’s hard to hit on girls if they’re busy at work, easy if they’re bored.
Appreciate it
[–]DrixlRey 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Awesome! Good reflection, although it wasn't slam dunk, you can totally learn from this.
[–]ImJustSo 8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
On the clock, doesn't want the cock.
[–]sk1ndeep 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Update please
[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
What happen bro?
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]throwawaymusur 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
How was that bothering? A few simple questions?
Its just small talk, jeesh. Id rather ask questions and talk to people rather than be an antisocial robot.
[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
She didn't sound interested judging by what I read. I think you should move on.
Yup
[–]buttermilkmeeks 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
don't approach women while they are working or at their jobs. that isnt making an approach. that is cornering someone who has to be nice to you as part of their job.
[–]throwawaymusur -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
How is that cornering? A few questions like that wont hurt you
[–]buttermilkmeeks 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
its cornering because you didn't meet them in the wild and they are forced to interact with you. would you call it an approach if you went up to a girl in a strip club?
if you see her in the street one day, at a local cafe, or at an event then make an approach. its never an approach if someone is performing their job.
[–]throwawaymusur -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I didnt tell her to suck my dick. if you read the post i barely did anything. you overthink it wayyy to much bud
[–]MemphisBro 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
you didn’t even get past small talk. there was no gamble here, you didn’t take a chance on anything. why not ask, so i’m new around here what do you do for fun? and when she answers you say well that sounds fun we should go sometime what’s your number? then you either win or lose but you didn’t even take a shot. end of rant
Like I said she didn't seem interested at all and I wasnt going to go any further especially where shes working
[–]forcefultoast 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Uh. She’s not interested. Don’t try again. Don’t be creepy. You’re being creepy.
[–]throwawaymusur -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
And how so?
[–]forcefultoast 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
She’s at work, not a place people wanna get hit on, and she obv was curving the shit outta u dog. Don’t fucking go back and try and hit on her again shits creepy.
[–]throwawaymusur -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
yeah you prolly got the fuck curved outta you cuz your creepy. fuck off with that negativity bro
[–]forcefultoast 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
lmao ok dude.
Edit lmao youre literally a porn addict you sad fuck ahahahaha get a fucking life ahahahahaha go outside you fucking incel
lol going though my stuff you creepy lil bastard
[–]wondershrimp 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re a hero
[–]Raddish_ 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Here’s the silver kind stranger!
[–]throwawaymusur -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
What?
[–]bidnessmayneh -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
i dont see what op did wrong, he started out slowly/casually, could sense it wasn't going anywhere, and refused to go any further? In this situation all he did was make extra conversation
As someone who worked retail before, plenty of women asked extra questions and tried to make conversation while I was ringing them up. Did i take it as a bad thing or an advance? Not really, having small talk conversations in these situations is normal
Exactly, thank you, some people on this sub swear they know everything
[–]badboi707 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You copy , soldier?
[–]Cirrustratus 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
the thing is that you started it as not an approach but like a regular costumer and started asking personal questions without presenting yourself like that. She was probably watching the computer and not looking at you when you asked the first personal question, of course she wasn't going to respond excited for it. Next time you could go actually cold and dont ask anything about books, and tell here she is cute and then tell here that you were looking for x book before she catched your eye, try to have her looking at your eyes and hold eye contact bro. But now you know, so go get them tiger!
Appreciate it thanks for the advice
[–]A_solo_tripper 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
good job
Thanks
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Good shit bro, like it was nothing, and you learned something
Thanks bro
[–]JoeyDemarco18 -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Go get em brother!
[–]MrBhavin -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Do it like a champ tho
[–]Stockfromdablock -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
YO dude great job there, deffo looking forward the outcome of your situation please keep us updated and I'm crossing my fingers for you!
[–]shahaman06 -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
!remindme 10h
[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Did this recently with a clerk at the college..got her to laugh but I didn't feel she was reciprocating interest..I asked about if she goes to school at my college and if that how she landed her job there...she just said "no just pays good" without going into depth on anything..I smiled said thanks and bye bye. Just didn't get any real signs of interest/attraction from her. I should try harder but I'm stuck between that and plenty fish in the sea. Thinking the latter more as I'm approaching and talking to random people more often and at minimum asking people how their day went or is going, and if they have any special plans for the weekend if it's towards the end of the week. Very easy way to extend a conversations and have the person do more of the talking. Plus often they reveal relationship status,if they have family and some of their interests.
Next is getting a bit more aggressive with cueing to them I'm attracted and getting rejected.takes deep breath wish me luck boys.
I would come out clean and ask her out to get to know each other better, but I’m not sure if I would brag to reddit about it. Oh, who am I kidding, of course I would tell reddit.
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