For those of us who want to get married, is there a way to do it right?

phe_nom · 2014-05-05T15:49:47+00:00

Find a girl that doesn't know the meaning of the word divorce. Phrase the prenup like this 'I need you to show me that you're serious about this relationship and you intend for it to last forever like I do.' If she won't sign a prenup, you're in next territory. You have to go in with the mindset that this is make or break for the marriage, you cannot betray any weakness in this situation. If she refuses to sign the prenup, realize that divorce is considered a possibility somewhere in her head.

Your strat of saying 'I have plenty of options' is part of the mindset you should have, but I wouldn't vocalize that to the girl. You need to show that every day by living a life that shows you have options, saying it shows weakness and insecurity IMO.

I am just like you man, I plan on getting married and having kids too. Just recognize that it has to be on your terms. I am considering going the foreign route, but for now I am still stuck on American girls. Just know that you're taking a risk by wanting that, but it's a risk I'm willing to take because I want kids and I want them raised in a traditional family unit.

Cyralea · 2014-05-05T17:08:15+00:00

I'm in the same boat myself, I want children. Your best bet is to mitigate your risk:

Find a foreign girl, especially one from a culture that frowns heavily on divorce.
Make sure she has a very low partner count. Less than 5. According to studies of its type, infidelity goes up by roughly 1% for each partner they've had.
Find a smart girl. Intelligence is correlated with marriage fidelity. Plus, intelligence is highly heritable. You don't want dumbshits for kids.
Make sure her parents are still married. A girl raised by a single parent will be shaped by that experience. Further, she'll have all sorts of other delusional ideas about gender dynamics if she comes from a broken home.
Make sure she has a good relationship with her parents, especially her father. I have never met a girl who had a bad relationship with her father and was also a pleasant person. This is the biggest red flag.
Stay away from self-proclaimed feminists. They were kind enough to display their marriage-ineligibility for you, you'd have to be a moron to marry one.
Low-to-modest earnings/salary. Divorce is correlated with a woman's income. Hypergamy won't allow her to stay with a man she out-earns.
Is feminine. A cheerful girl who doesn't mind cooking, cleaning and being nurturing is a great find for a potential mother. You're going to be with this woman for life, you don't want a lazy broad with a chip on her shoulder.

Good luck. Be aware that you can do all of the above and still be divorce-raped.

30303030303030 · 2014-05-05T16:26:05+00:00

with a virgin met under 20

Statistics are clear, the more she had the bigger the chance that marriage will fail. The less she had the bigger the chance you will be happy.

ss_camaro · 2014-05-06T05:28:57+00:00

Would you put a bullet in a two chambered revolver, spin the cylinder, put it to your head and pull the trigger?

This is the difference between thinking men and 21st century "romantics".

[deleted] · 2014-05-06T11:05:27+00:00

[permanently deleted]

semigod__ · 2014-05-05T16:12:48+00:00

no there is not. you have to realize:

that modern women are prone to divorce is not part of a mentality that is due to them. todays women are no different than women 50 years ago.

the only difference is that the modern laws handed them the keys to take half your shit whenever they want, as soon as you marry a woman.

i dont get men who want to marry. its like buying a lottery ticket at a cost of half your net worth, with a 50% chance of winning back half your net worth, and 50% of winning nothing. why would ever want to take such a bet?

FortunateBum · 2014-05-05T16:09:23+00:00

Use the Founding Father strategy.

(Almost all the US Founding Fathers were unashamed social climbers. They almost all married women significantly wealthier than themselves - on purpose.)

Marry women significantly wealthier than yourself.

Income is not the issue. They can quit their job or be fired. What matters is if they have a fortune.

No fortune, no marry.

jessetdtklamf · 2014-05-05T20:59:09+00:00

All these people recommending foreign girls are full of shit. Foreign girls are no better than Western girls. The only group that might be an exception is Arab girls, but I don't know enough about them to know how true it is.

Gstreetshit · 2014-05-05T17:14:08+00:00

I married a preachers daughter with one other sexual partner under her belt.

She is a dirty dirty whore in the bed room.

inb4 she lied about her past.

edit: also prenup

jcakmac · 2014-05-05T17:32:15+00:00

Very good post here: http://wallstreetplayboys.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/Project-Two-Chainz.pdf

Wolfwoodd · 2014-05-05T19:37:14+00:00

Develop realistic expectations. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Forget all the Disney bullshit about soul mates. You are forming a union with somebody so that you can provide a good environment to raise offspring. Don't necessarily expect long-term fidelity.. it's really not the point of getting married. The endorphins firing when you and your partner get together wont last forever. It's really all about the kids.

Make sure you're getting married for the right reasons. Get the prenup and choose somebody who'd make the best mom. Marry the girl who's good at conflict resolution (i.e. if a girl is constantly fighting with you, then don't marry her). If you can handle ending relationships like an adult (i.e. without being too bitter and angry about it all), then you can usually avoid the messy, hurtful divorces.

JonFrost25 · 2014-05-05T20:53:32+00:00

I'm of the same mindset as you. Having children and raising them in a traditional family is a non-negotiable goal in my life. It's unfortunate that our present laws and culture will make this a challenge, but that's life. Here's an old post I wrote on the subject:

http://www.thumotic.com/how-to-find-a-wife/

The most important part is: Accept that you will probably fail. Lose your kids, lose your $, maybe even lose your freedom. But like I said, this is a non-negotiable value.

Besides, the USA is not the barren hell hole that some guys would like to think. There are millions of men out there with good wives and happy families. Any man who claims that there are zero decent girls in his reality ("unicorns") is just telling you something about his reality, not about the actual state of the world.

Worst case scenario, go get your Zebra Bitch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cq8nUyO-0SY

TheD_ · 2014-05-05T23:04:55+00:00

Date a lot before deciding the girl you're dating is the girl you're marrying.

MartialWay · 2014-05-06T03:11:03+00:00

But what about those of us who would like to get married, have children, a family, etc.?

This is the problem, most guys WANT a kids and a family, and they associate a strong, stable family unit with marriage. This is understandable, because for thousands of years marriage functioned to stabilize families. This is the first time that marriage laws have actively functioned to de-stabilize families through a series of perverse incentives. It's like giving the girl a quarter million dollar signing bonus to take your kids away and shack up with another guy....and people are responding to these incentives.

It's a big paradigm shift, but you've got to realize that your best chance of having a stable family is to not get married.

2FAM0US · 2014-05-05T14:53:23+00:00

aim young. find a virgin and raise her into the perfect wife.

_TheRP · 2014-05-05T19:08:41+00:00

Be pragmatic - marry someone of means.

Women do this all the time and the people in this subreddit love to point it out like it's some devious plot - it's just smart. There are all kinds of women out there making good money, or better yet from wealthy fucking families. Find one that floats your boat and keeps you company.

If it goes south you make out like a bandit, if it doesn't you get exactly what you want.

FrostyGoingHisOwnWay · 2014-05-05T19:34:49+00:00

Judges can tear up pre-nups in front of the man if they think it was signed under some kind of duress or false verbal promise which the woman might not even have to demonstrate to be true in order to have the whole thing void.

We don't have a huge number of examples of prenups being ineffectual, but we have enough to say that it's not some magic silver bullet to the problem, the bottom line you have to come to accept is that it's a risk.

All I can advise is study the law where you are and consider possibly moving to start a family, that sounds extreme but some places have truly awful alimony/palimony laws and child support laws. In some parts of the world you can find yourself owing more child support than you can mathematically pay which is a fast ticket to jail, or even legally obliged to pay child support for a child that's not bioloigically yours.

users like Cyralea made some great points on mitigation, you can help mitigate the problems using some basic steps but they're mostly limited to picking a good partner and not relying on the law to protect you, the law is there to take from men and give to women, the sad truth.

jakethesnake76 · 2014-05-05T20:07:20+00:00

http://youtu.be/v708EouLudo ..check it out ,

BluepillProfessor · 2014-05-05T21:20:27+00:00

How can someone living in a Western country not get hurt during a divorce?

You can't. The only thing that provides some protection is if you marry a woman who is worth a lot more money than you. Good luck with that.

A pre-nup? Don't women seem to be offended by the idea—would even suggesting it ruin a relationship?

Who the fuck cares what some 'abstract woman' thinks about a man protecting himself- or trying to do so. This goes past Beta into Omega territory.

JG60 · 2014-05-05T23:01:34+00:00

Live in a state with no common-law marriage, get a church wedding but never an actual legal wedding. The tax benefits are negligible to what you may loose. Don't co-mingle assets. Be in charge of the finances and keep three accounts (hers, yours, combined) transfer money from each of your accounts (evenly or proportionally) to cover expenses. If you are the only one working make sure that the house is in only your name. Women don't want a marriage anyway.. they want a wedding. Child-support rape... well there is nothing you can do about that. DNA test kids.

PlusGoody · 2014-05-06T01:29:54+00:00

Marry a young, beautiful, educated woman from a good family -- generations of business and professional attainment; if from a highly class-stratified country should be from the aristocratic class. You should have positive evidence she has been averse to carousel culture. A good job or graduate school enrolment is key: not because you want her to stay a career woman but because a single woman with proper qualities will pursue that automatically while waiting for a good man to come along.

Divorce prospects if you do this? 5%-10%. Not perfect but worth the risk.

otiswild · 2014-05-06T01:45:35+00:00

Work hard all the time to maintain frame and dominance, keep a discreet hitman on retainer, or don't get married.

General_Fear · 2014-05-06T22:14:53+00:00

As long as there is a welfare state and/or alimony marriage is damaged beyond repair.

There was a time in human history when there was no welfare and no alimony. And women had no career opportunities. If women left their husband, they were screwed. They no means of supporting themselves and their kids. The husband's income was the glue that kept marriages together. Now women can walk anytime they want. If they have a career they don't need a man. Or she can file for divorce take you for everything you got and live off of alimony. And if all else fails, there is always welfare.

So here is my advice to you. You want to get married. Then marry a rich woman, that way when she files for divorce, she owes you alimony.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wy4YkeBLnD0

[deleted] · 2014-05-07T16:07:41+00:00

You can find the perfect woman and she will still have the capability to justify to herself cheating, divorce, and taking your money. It's a challenge, but it's worth it. You have to work your ass off to maintain your value, but you want value regardless of marriage.

Crazystarf · 2014-05-05T16:14:32+00:00

We call them unicorns for a reason.

[deleted] · 2014-05-05T14:44:38+00:00

In contemporary America, it's simply too risky.

Unless you can figure a way to consistently hide large amounts of assets (and that's way harder than you think) you live at the whim of divorce lawyers and a legal system that has been out of control and still going the wrong direction for decades.

henry589 · 2014-05-05T18:01:04+00:00

Prenup She should have no children Low sexual partners Same cultural background or similar enough values Conservative values tends to make a better wife than liberal values Religion if you want same religion preferably

wanderingfun · 2014-05-05T21:27:58+00:00

As the institution stands today in Western nations, I cannot in good conscience recommend marriage as a default goal. They are called unicorns for a good reason, they truly are exceedingly rare. Men should plan on leading a life of their own, and just surprise themselves if they happen to run into their unicorn. In the meantime perform activities that increase their odds of running into their unicorn. If you want exceptional rationality and intelligence for the future mother of your children for example, then don't spend all your time at strip clubs; sure there are bright girls there, but they're the exception and not the rule. Go where they are generally the rule; STEM or STEM-adjacent majors in colleges are one such area.

Note that you do not have to look offshore. A lot of Western men forget that "foreign" is simply one of many shortcuts for "non-mainstream feminized culture". Girls from stable, conservative "flyover country" families can be just as eligible as the subreddit-promoted foreign girls; I'd bet the average Muscovite party girl is far less ring material compared to the average conservative rural upper-middle to upper-class family girl.

I'll toss out one of many qualities I looked for that I haven't really seen mentioned yet: a girl who knows how to dress and act classy when you take her to a Michelin-starred restaurant and then afterwards to a luxury hotel via a town car, but doesn't act entitled to that level of entertainment, and next month is just as happy to be with you in a campground roughing it, and happily and enthusiastically participates with you fucking her senseless in both situations. The key is the leadership and validation come from you, and not from what you provided, which was merely glitter to the substance of the activity, which always centers on you leading her.

apackofwankers · 2014-05-05T16:42:54+00:00

Take your intended somewhere they are out of their element, like a third world country where neither of you speak the language. You want to marry someone who can handle situations they aren't familiar with (the future is full of these situations), and travelling in a 3rd world country is a good test for that. If you find that your intended is the kind of person who makes difficult situations better, go ahead, if they are a net drag, or they whine, or they need constant support, don't marry them.

Oh and yes, get a pre-nup. Define the terms of your marriage yourself. Write the pre-nup so that it escalates her share of any payout according to progress in the relationship and her actual sacrifice (as in, if she becomes a stay-at-home mom, by mutual agreement, she would get more of a payout). Put in penalty clauses for breaking vows. Stipulate what her responsibilities are, and what yours are.

lightfire409 · 2014-05-06T03:58:02+00:00

I'd be wary of the advice here; most of it is speculation since a large majority of people here are young and very unmarried.

[deleted] · 2014-05-05T14:52:53+00:00

Go learn about what community property is and revisit your question to us.

Title	For those of us who want to get married, is there a way to do it right?
Author	The_BitterTruth
Upvotes	23
Comments	82
Date	May 5, 2014 2:40 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/24s081/for_those_of_us_who_want_to_get_married_is_there/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/for-those-of-us-who-want-to-get-married-is-there-a.15032 https://theredarchive.com/post/15032

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