My life's journey has been quite a ride. Growing up in an affluent community, I was the poorest kid around, leading me to feel lesser than my friends / those around me. Despite being overweight and not athletically inclined, I was the funny, chubby kid who was friends with girls but not seen romantically. I was popular but also subjected to bullying and called ugly by "alphas" (who I've since realized are mostly losers) in both my early and adult life.

At around 15, puberty hit, and I underwent a transformation. The weight dropped off, revealing a chiseled jawline and high cheekbones. I started hitting the gym, taking up sports, and becoming more serious about school. Suddenly, girls began to take notice, intrigued by my change. Taking up boxing and Muay Thai, I punched a bully in the face, changing my male classmates perceptions of me—I was no longer a target.

Despite this newfound confidence, I grappled with imposter syndrome until around age 27. After college, where I was a bit of a nerd and a bookworm, I had many (hundreds of) casual relationships, and by 24, I felt it was time to settle down and stop "spinning plates," or actually find a girl to respect and be faithful towards.

At this time, I found myself on Wall Street, earning $200k/year, and dating a wealthy girl. However, the relationship soured as she constantly compared me to her father as well as constantly asking me to take her on the lavish trips and restauraunts she was accustomed to. Breaking up with her, I shortly began dating another very wealthy girl in my circle who gradually became controlling, criticizing everything from my manners to my clothes and even my acquaintances (mind you, I wear very nice clothing and have good manners). This toxic relationship eroded my self-respect, and over time, a girl who I once had massive sway over, earned command over me.

Following her breaking up with me, I realized she had completely destroyed my self worth, and entirely cracked my frame. Post breakup, I focused on self-improvement, my mental health, developing a strong identity, getting in top shape, and even advancing my career to $400k/year at 28.

Now better than I've ever been, i am getting massive attention from women, although I now question the purpose of dating. My past relations have left me wondering if it's worth the investment of time and money, as girls seem to continue to demand more from me as time goes on until it becomes unenjoyable.

So why allow it to reach that point?

For instance, just last weekend, I connected with a girl on Raya, an exclusive dating app. I took her on a two-day vacation without having met her previously. (I was planning on traveling there anyways and she was down to come. I figured I'd enjoy having the company of an attractive female (who would likely be having relations w me.) We had a great time, and fucked like rabbits, but it's hard to ignore the fact that I footed the bill for a luxury hotel room and her meals.

She's eager to see me again, but I question the point. Is it just to spend more money on her? I've had my fun, and that seems to be the extent of what I can expect from most women—a fleeting enjoyment, until their expectations become ever increasing.

To also be clear, I am NOT bitter that this girl from raya is using me for my money. She actually seems pretty chill and invited me to stay w her family at a resort in Mexico this weekend.

What I am saying is, what's the point of taking it PAST this, when I find all girls want at the end of the day is a shmuck who is going to pay for them, spend ludicrous amounts of time w them, or both.

I've witnessed people finding their equals, such as my uncle. He has a wife who makes as much as he does and they have a HHI of $2mm combined, living a great life, with a strong, independent and smart partner, complementing one another and working towards a shared goal.

I am looking for someone who is an asset rather than a liability. However, almost every woman I encounter seems to be a net negative to my life and productivity, a long-term liability, not an asset.