I'm sorta fascinated by this text exchange and wonder what you would do differently?

willowaverie · 2024-03-30T06:35:35+00:00

She’s coming off as super aggressive. Never chase a situationship

DarlinggD · 2024-03-30T07:32:05+00:00

Cringe. She needs to chill

templilwitch · 2024-03-30T12:20:35+00:00

I'd be turned off if a guy tried communicating his desires/needs in that way - can't even imagine how it'd come across for a woman to behave so aggressive/demanding. But - I've been in her shoes before.

I think, during the vetting stage, it's important to analyze and ask yourself whether this person just doesn't text that much as a habit or if it's out of a lack of interest. Which, to me, is her number 1 mistake - she assumes that her needs are automatically the standard. She needs more frequent messages, therefore if she doesn't get them, it's an attack on her.

I've gone about this in two ways:

Situation one: I explicitly asked if he could text more (good morning/goodnight). I told him that it would make me feel safer and more comfortable (allowed myself to be vulnerable), that I understood completely he was busy (accepted that his circumstances were also valid, and wasn't blaming him) but that it'd mean the world if we could reach a compromise. He understood it. We reached a compromise.

Situation two: guy wasn't consistent with his texts. He was very busy, and it was an awkward time in his life, so I got it. I decided to go with positive reinforcement instead: telling him I appreciated hearing from him in the mornings, that my days started out better when I heard from him, that I really appreciated his messages and how thoughtful he was, etc.

I think the main takeaway is that men will be much less willing to listen to you and to meet you halfway if you come across as entitled, aggressive, and like you're blaming or attacking him. Instead, allow them to feel like they're doing something for you and be grateful if the change does happen.

Demanding anything, which she did, and being unwilling to listen to the other person's explanation and situation, makes you come across as nagging, selfish, hard and not super understanding - which aren't feminine traits.

hangun_ · 2024-03-30T11:32:47+00:00

Yikes what a jerk she is

Economy-Criticism768 · 2024-03-30T08:44:46+00:00

The first mistake she made was thinking 'situationship' and 'setting boundaries' are two compatible ideas. She's giving it up for free and thinks she gets to set terms now, lol.

slurpslurpcrunch · 2024-03-30T12:50:19+00:00

She needs to chill. Social media addictions have made it seem like we’re supposed to be glued to our phones. If anything it’s a green flag he isn’t (it would hurt my feelings a little if he didn’t respond to me but was obviously active somewhere else online, but even that there’s reasons).

I had this problem with my (now) husband when we first started dating and I got over them and it totally resolved itself after we built our relationship because we were together more often than not.

Just because you want something and it would make you feel better doesn’t mean you’re “setting a boundary”, you’re just demanding something from the other person. Not even in a nice way.

Side note, he seems a little avoidant, personality wise, and thats not “bad”, but by making demands like that, yeah of course you’re gonna scare him off 😅

Jenneapolis · 2024-03-30T15:53:09+00:00

Another example of someone saying they are “settling boundaries” when really what they are doing is bullying someone into doing as they wish.

Damodara-Echo · 2024-03-30T05:32:40+00:00

I'm not the OOP and I'm not sure what the rules are about cross-posting someone else's post. Sorry if this isn't allowed.

I'm also fascinated by how her friend was in her ear, encouraging her to "set boundaries".

Ngl, if a man said this stuff to me, I'd be terrified.

emerald_e · 2024-03-30T08:17:32+00:00

"Situationships" are pathetic. I wouldn't be in one in the first place.

tinerene · 2024-03-30T10:11:31+00:00

I simply wouldn’t reply at all

Fae_Leaf · 2024-03-30T14:38:19+00:00

I really do not miss dating and people playing these weird games. Just communicate like an adult.

But also, situationship says everything.

inhaledpie4 · 2024-03-30T17:33:27+00:00

If someone didn't reply back after I told them to take "melly" I would assume they took a melly and went back to sleep 😂

BudgetInteraction811 · 2024-03-30T16:10:03+00:00

She’s doing way too much and being too aggressive. He’s taking 10 hours to reply and being dry as hell. In my experience when people do this it’s because they’re trying to phase you out but can’t use their words. Save your pride and walk away.

ygfam · 2024-03-30T17:22:20+00:00

theyre both cringe honestly. i wouldnt of worded anything because you wouldnt see me with this type of guy

Hang_your_halo · 2024-03-30T12:08:00+00:00

IMO, girl needs to chill. The fact that she thinks she’s entitled to get a quick response from someone, or a response at all, shows how she feels about herself and I feel like would be a turn off to a man…as it appears was the case since he didn’t respond. Personally, I would have been more worried about his mood and let him know that he if he needed to talk, I’d be there to listen. I feel like that’s more RP.

Also, at the risk of sounding old, what is this new thing called “situationship”? Is that the new word for talking or FWB? LOL!

zibabeautie · 2024-03-30T18:01:27+00:00

I don’t think she’s wrong for setting boundaries. She just was talking to the wrong guy for that though.

It’s all text anyways so I’m not going to be like the other comments and make assumptions about her tone.

And if the guy (or other party, regardless of gender) is interested in her, she’d never even have to ask for more attention.

But for me, I would’ve just stopped texting him to begin with. I’m not chasing anybody nor am I going to even have to spell it out for them.

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Annual_Resolution232 · 2024-03-30T20:03:47+00:00

Firstly, I've never been in a situationship, and I am vocal off the bat to the men that I date with the intention of marriage as the end goal. If the guy doesn't like that and doesn't agree to be on the same page as me, I simply break contact and move on. This woman wasted 2 months being with this guy.

If I'm not getting the communication I want from a guy, I call him not text him to talk about it. I try to reach a compromise with the guy so we're both satisfied with it. If we don't reach an agreement, I simply break contact and move on. I have this conversation with him within the first two weeks of getting to know him. If he doesn't follow through with our agreement, I bring it up to him again that I really need him to do it for our relationship to move forward. If I don't see changes after I had the conversation for the second time, I break contact and move on. This woman doesn't have self respect and that friend's counsel is terrible. Perfect way to have the cops called on you for threatening to harm another person. Absolutely foolish.

Shaiziin · 2024-03-30T22:07:55+00:00

I'm annoyed for her. She should either cut her losses or talk to someone else in the meantime whilst he gets himself together

Firm-Fix8798 · 2024-03-30T10:14:53+00:00

I think you're a very smart and practical woman but there's no way this relationship or whatever it is was going to go where you wanted it. I think you saw right away he's not ready to be seeing anyone. Back in the early days of dating apps, I thought okcupid's questions were really way better than anything else out at the time but it really opened my eyes to how irresponsible many women were by the kinds of answers they'd give to certain questions, especially thinking it's fine they're still hung up on an ex. Nowadays mental health is a more central concern to serious dating than it was then. I don't know if it's an excuse or if he needs some kind of medication but you are right to call it as you see it, either he's not emotionally available or not well. Remember to remain practical, neither of these are things you can change by arguing about it and you really can't rely on others to tell you they're ready to be dating when their actions say differently. It's better to maintain grace and composure. It's one thing to clarify some expectations if a small disparity arises, but another to have to point out something that should be obvious as you said so yourself.

Edit: this was directed at oop. My mistake.

TheDogDream · 2024-03-30T13:24:26+00:00

2 words: get out

AutoModerator · 2024-03-30T05:26:19+00:00

Title: Situationship ghosted me after setting expectations about replying back faster. Was I overreacting?

Author Damodara-Echo

Full text: Was I being too harsh when setting boundaries with expecting him to text back quicker? My friend was giving me some stuff to say and at the time I felt good about setting expectations. He said he would reply in the morning in the last text and it’s been two days now.

For context, we’ve hung out many times and have texted everyday for the last two months, even if some days it just a few messages exchanged when he takes 15 hours to respond back. I’ve made a comment in the past about how long he takes to reply and he diverted the conversation to something else.

Part of me feels like a jerk/I may have been too forward and another part of me feels like his emotional maturity is not developed and this just showed me his true character. Was I overreacting?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

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maturin_nj · 2024-03-31T09:24:28+00:00

Lighten up ladies. You all want hv guys who are on their mission. And you want them texting you like one of your gfs. As if they have nothing better to do. Texting is for setting dates. That's where we get to know you. And are willing to give you our undivided attention. Men are pulling back on texting. Its a losing proposition for guys. Genuine Betas, distinguished from the BP alpha, will text you all day long, then they'll put you up on the pedestal. And in a week you'll ghost them bec you want your space.

Title	I'm sorta fascinated by this text exchange and wonder what you would do differently?
Author	Damodara-Echo
Upvotes	9
Comments	37
Date	March 30, 2024 5:26 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1bra3p9/im_sorta_fascinated_by_this_text_exchange_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-sorta-fascinated-by-this-text-exchange-and.1513469 https://theredarchive.com/post/1513469

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