Kids at age 14 can "decide who they live with." How does this work?

FloorUsual6324 · 2025-12-08T16:16:41+00:00

I’m in Georgia. My 14-year-old daughter has been living with her mom (and younger brother) for almost 2yrs without me. I live on the opposite side of the state, about 4 hours away.

About six months ago right before her freshman year, she told me she wanted to come live with me. She said she feels more connected with me, that I understand her goals and interests better, and that she feels more supported here. Her mom and I talked about it at the time and agreed to let her finish the first semester of high school to see if she still felt the same way.

We’ve reached that point, and she’s still very adamant even more so now about wanting to live with me.

I tried to work this out directly with her mom without involving lawyers or the courts, but her mom took it as an attack on her parenting ( i think she thought it was a phase or not a serious request) and insists this needs to go through lawyers. A couple of things complicate the situation:

I’m active duty military, but on the back half of my career (only 3yrs left). I’m an instructor with a stable schedule and I’m not deployable, but there is a possibility I could move one more time before retirement.

Her mom recently remarried someone who is active duty and has already moved to Texas, but my daughter and her mom haven’t moved yet.

I’ve spoken to a lawyer, but I’m still trying to see if this can be handled without turning it into a full legal battle.

My question is: In Georgia, how much weight does a 14-year-old’s custodial preference actually have? I know the law says their choice is “presumptive,” but how does that play out in real cases? How often do judges override the preference? And given the military factor, how do courts usually see that?

Any insight from people with experience in Georgia family law would help a lot. I’m just trying to understand what to expect if this does end up going through the courts.

GlumHelicopter2785 · 2025-09-11T20:31:13+00:00

When my sister was 16 she emancipated herself mom just signed it and she was a legalize adult there was too much going on in the house lots of abuse and she was already working and had a place of her own so judge granted it. I know that’s not the answer to your question but I was just saying in the mean time you can live with a family friend or my sisters case a friend until your 16 and then get a job and show the judge you can support yourself. It sucks that lots of kids go thru this or you can also go to court and have them appoint you a guardian ad litem people who listen and who protect the best interest of the child and it’s free. Best wishes 💜🌻

National-Pea-6897 · 2025-08-01T00:55:04+00:00

In my opinion it is a mistake. A minor is not allowed to vote and lots of other things. When they get big influence like which parent they can misuse it. My kid decided to pick mom when 14 and didn't go to school for a year.

After a year my ex got worried and we got our kid to go to school. But our parenting rights were gone. I had no rights and my ex had to be careful or kid might pick me. This is just bad policy.

My savings for tuitio were based on a 4 year college. It dragged into 6. Then on all sorts of demands a married couple could resist. Now I am broke and nothing for graduate school. My kid does not ask anymore.

RockstarRaccoon · 2025-06-28T10:37:35+00:00

IANAL, but from what I've seen, every case with any contesting involves some level of interviewing of the children by a neutral party, regardless of age.

Most simply, the judge pulls the kids aside and talks to them if they understand what's going on, what things are like with their parents, what they want, and why. If they say something like, "I want to go with parent A because parent B is abusive", they usually give more custody to Parent A.

The Jeff Younger case was like this: The transcripts are harder to get now, but it's very difficult for him to get custody because CPS is so afraid of leaving him alone with his children after interviewing both of them. We don't know what the kids said in those interviews, but apparently the children have repeatedly said they don't want to be alone with him, so the best he can get is supervised visits. Supervised visits are intended a temporary measure for the courts to see if a person can act within the bounds of a set agreement with their kids, (Ie, no hitting, no swearing, no drugs) while lowering the risk of the kids being completely alienated from the parent, and giving an opportunity to regain some custody. (But, once again, if the kids say a parent is abusive, they don't get custody)

OFlahertyLaw · 2024-11-23T21:19:00+00:00

In Illinois, children do not directly choose which parent they live with during a custody dispute. However, the court may take the child's preferences into account depending on their age and maturity. According to Illinois law, the court can consider the wishes of a child age 14 or older when determining custody, though it is not required to follow the child's preference. For children younger than 14, their preferences may still be considered, but other factors, such as the child’s best interests and the parents' ability to provide for the child, will be the primary focus of the court’s decision. Ultimately, the court's goal is to make a custody decision that serves the best interests of the child, weighing factors like the child’s safety, emotional well-being, and the parents' living situations.

The above information does not constitute an attorney-client relationship, it is merely for information purposes.

Smooth-Cat-9392 · 2024-08-14T00:06:48+00:00

I have a female friend who’s going through child custody battle. Dad wants to move out of state and take the kids, proposing home schooling. Mom is the breadwinner, much smarter, successful and fighting to keep kids in school they grew up in. Kids want to go with dad cos home schooling doesn’t require waking up early for school. Kids are misinformed. Mom so worried and felt betrayed. It’s a 50/50 state for divorce. Anyone seen this and if so who win?

13MrJeffrey · 2024-04-26T09:35:00+00:00

My son was 13 and chose to stay with me I was awarded sole custody of him by the court.
My attorney said the filing was roll the dice see how it goes.
My X-wife proved herself to be an idiot she completely agreed with the no contest divorce.
I say idiot she had someone who is an immigrant from Southeast Asia read the divorce papers and interpret the content... he told her everything was good it was 50/50 custody lmao.
Supposing something were to happen to me she and I were still together and some shark comes along with a scheme that sounds good and she signs everything away...

Not my responsibility to explain what the terms of the divorce were/are.
She was of the belief it would be 50/50 custody... I let her believe that.
My son is attending school with classmates he began kindergarten with, she was planning to uproot him take him to an urban shithole where she is currently living.
Some people hate me more now IDGAF.
My son is living where he has lived his whole life, he is happy here he has his friends.
Sucks his mother chose her material desires over her family, and attempted to bully me into an unhealthy situation. That p u s s y ain't all that good.

2024-04-26T04:57:15+00:00

Not always the case if the other person is willing to dump tons of money on attorneys.

Jake_Barnes_ · 2024-04-26T04:16:30+00:00

You need to ask your lawyer to file a motion to appoint a guardian ad litem asap. They don’t represent the kid, they represent what’s in their best interest. Sometimes the kids wishes don’t go along with that and the GAL can help your case

jimsmythee · 2024-04-25T20:56:03+00:00

Kids 14 and older can express their wishes to the judge. And the judge will take into account their wishes. But if there is a reasonable view why the kids should not get their wish, then the judge can overrule their request.

For example, 14 year old kid says, "I want to live with dad. I don't like step-dad. He beat me." Ok fine.

Other example, 14 year old kid says, "I want to live with dad. Mom has too many rules." And the dad's home or his previous experience states that he won't make the kids do their homework, etc. Judge overrules this.

Reminds me of a 1990's joke.

Judge says to the kid, "Do you want to live with your mom?" Kid says, "No, she beats me." Judge says, "do you want to live with your dad?" Kid says, "no, he beats me." Judge says, "Well, who do you want to live with them?" Kid says, "The Arizona Cardinals. They don't beat anybody."

Prior_Accident_713 · 2024-04-25T19:58:13+00:00

My parents, being incapable individuals at parenting, when I was 14 made me choose. They couldn’t sort out what made the most sense. Gotta love being a Gen X kid with parents that never really wanted you. My wtf about my own parents and their falling aside you should be able to ask the kid rationalize with them and choose. Take their opinion to heart but try to get them the best for them

whiskey_piker · 2024-04-25T19:54:03+00:00

I went through this w/ my 14yr and 17yr olds a few years back. My Ex is super emotionally abusive and they were done w/ her. Wanted to stop going over to her every other week. This all occurs about 18mos after divorce is finalized.

Working w/ my same attorney, we prepared for court. Cost me an additional $8K just to have my 14yr old tell the judge what was happening. It was a Female judge this time since our male judge had retired. When she heard son’s testimony she absolutely blasted my Ex for how horribly she treated the kids. It was October and the judge was like “it’s going to be tough not seeing your kids for thanksgiving or Christmas; but you need help. Get counseling”

Do courts listen to the kids at ages 13+ ? Absolutely. The costs are still there as well as the risks of losing.

kublakhan1816 · 2024-04-25T18:37:54+00:00

The court doesn’t have to follow the child’s wishes. In our state the child can talk to the judge at age 12. I’ve been practicing for years I don’t actually like pushing this. I think it’s weak and it’s a lot to put on a kid.

pk2at · 2024-04-25T18:24:15+00:00

Its not going to change the father's CS obligation

RichardCleveland · 2024-04-25T17:57:30+00:00

The judge will compare future living arrangements on both sides. Income, stability, history of each parent and even the school and possibly the child's support system. The child's wishes weigh heavily on the scale, but it's left up to the judge's discretion (obviously).

Some specific things that come into consideration are; past abuse, will the kid have their own bedroom, will other family be nearby (or will the child be isolated), school changes, available transportation, parents work schedule (how long will the kid be left alone), and so on. Fairly basic things that do make sense.

However... one big issue can be the "mom" factor. Women always get a bit more weight added to their side of the scale. Most here know how hard it is to take full physical custody away from the mother. But if your child REALLY does not want to live with her for good reasons, it will make a difference.

Side note: The process works by the child having a private discussion with the judge. A child therapist will normally be apart of the discussion as well.

dday_throwaway3 · 2024-04-25T17:52:59+00:00

You're in Georgia I assume? That's the only statue where a child's choice is presumptive at age 14.

Title	Kids at age 14 can "decide who they live with." How does this work?
Author	Prior_Accident_713
Upvotes	17
Comments	67
Date	April 25, 2024 5:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ccx2y0/kids_at_age_14_can_decide_who_they_live_with_how/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/kids-at-age-14-can-decide-who-they-live-with-how.1516382 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516382

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