Partner doesn’t compliment my appearance?

honeysherbert · 2024-06-26T04:59:10+00:00

Some guys think and observe and make note of things without ever vocalising them, but it is disheartening to never get any compliments at all from him... Do his actions in other areas of the relationship communicate his attraction to you? Eg. The binoculars thing (cute).

Have you tried being playful/girlish about it? Like, sometimes I compliment fish from my husband by acting silly and exaggerated, twirling, shaking my hair out, just being corny to make it obvious I want him to notice something. It generally works and he finds it funny.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2024-06-26T07:54:17+00:00

I have brought up before that I feel a little sad sometimes because he never says anything nice about how I look

"I love when you say X, it makes me feel so beautiful"

Different angle. No criticism. Easier for him to win.

I know you don't mean it as criticism, and he probably didn't take it as such, but "you never do X and it makes me sad" might not be the best way to word it. If you want something from him, the easiest way is to make it easy and enjoyable for him.

Some people simply do not verbalize as much as others would like. If he's like that, he's like that. I'd avoid turning it into a huge issue... if he shows he's attracted to you, it really doesn't deserve a protracted sit-down conversation.

Silly compliment fishing might be your answer. Keep it playful.

flower_power_g1rl · 2024-06-26T07:16:40+00:00

Some men are just like that. They don't know the value of compliments to a woman's appearance especially when it is their partner, obviously they find her beautiful, so they just assume that she knows. Next time you're getting dressed nice, or just curious about his thoughts on how you look, ask him "How do I look?" He will say something nice and you will feel temporarily better. It is not fishing if you ask directly when you are genuinely curious. The rest of the time, don't try to manipulate it into happening, don't give him more compliments so that he can give you some, and don't tell him 'how it makes you feel' when he doesn't give you.

inhaledpie4 · 2024-06-26T21:14:43+00:00

I used to have a hard time with this as well. I too thought that if I asked for love to be expressed a certain way, that it wouldn't be genuine. But if you read the 5 love languages you realize that we're all just speaking different languages. We have to learn to speak the language(s) of our spouses if it doesn't come naturally. I came from a family that never spoke words of affirmation. Perhaps your fiancée is in a similar boat

Exact_Attention · 2024-06-26T13:09:46+00:00

Sending my sympathy. I’ve tried to have this same conversation with my bf. It’s really frustrating to hear your bf comment on other women’s appearances and ignore their gf’s. My bf didn’t really give me an explanation for why he doesn’t call me beautiful (it’s been two years since). I leave it alone because I don’t want to nag. Also, before anyone comes for me I fit western beauty standards quite well, just yesterday my boss called me beautiful 🤢 OP, I totally understand where you are coming from and your situation. I hope we can get some solid advice and thanks for posting this. Good luck!

LittleTomatillo1111 · 2024-06-27T18:07:19+00:00

My partner (M25) is the same. Once in a blue moon I can get a "I like your nose" or something but it is very rare. I have talked to him about it and he says that he sometimes thinks I look nice but doesn't feel the need to verbalise it for some reason. I used to give him a lot of physical compliments so I stopped to see what would happen and nothing happened. He still thinks I think he looks good. I think that he just doesn't get how it is important to keep saying it. He said "you are my girlfriend, obviously I think you look good, otherwise I wouldn't be with you" and thinks I am the weird one for wanting to hear it over and over when I supposedly already know it.

yktvvvvvvvvvv · 2024-06-26T04:55:17+00:00

If your goal is to get more compliments from him, then have a conversation about this. Ask him if he finds you physically attractive and just doesn’t vocalise it or if there is something missing. Make sure you don’t take your emotions out on him when he responds. Make it a safe space for him to share. He might just be the type of man that is not a words of affirmation.

Personally, I don’t agree with asking men for a behaviour. I find that they get defensive or feel less than. It’s akin to criticism for them. Also, the women is then receiving the compliment but it may not be genuine. You would rather he be so enthralled in your beauty that he lets you know.

What I would suggest is those few times you see him looking at you or he does compliment you, show him and tell him how much you appreciate it. Tell him it gives you butterflies and you feel giddy in hearing from him that he finds you attractive and give him a big kiss. You could also try on outfits for him and ask him which one he thinks you’re more beautiful in. Then wear the outfit and say thank you for telling me I look beautiful in this. You can do this with really any behaviour you want to see more of.

Reinforce what you want to see with appreciation and ignore what you don’t.

Another sneaky thing that might work but is slightly manipulative is casually mentioning to him how you’ve been getting so many cat calls lately and people have been telling you you’re just glowing. Even get dressed up and have friends or family tell you you are so beautiful while he is in earshot. This would work well if you post photos on social media as well. It might peak his attention a bit.

In all honesty, considering he rarely complimented you even in the dating stages, I’m a bit confused as to why this is a problem now? Do you anticipate him changing? How did he catch your attention if he didn’t compliment you? I’m assuming there were plenty of date nights where you got dressed up that warranted a compliment. Did he just say hi and continue the date?

I couldn’t date someone that wa

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-06-26T09:07:03+00:00

Anyways, is this normal of men?

Yes. This is 100% learned behavior for us.

Are they just not wired the same way..??

Also yes. We are not your girlfriends or your gay friends so it is not part of the factory install. Even ladies' men need to learn it from scratch.

it’s just him hearing him refer to someone as beautiful when I don’t hear that from him often hurt.

This is a "you" problem.

I’m kind of at a loss here and don’t know how to inspire compliments more or how to bring this up again without fishing for them..I don’t want insincere/unnatural compliments either.

Le Sigh. So want compliments, but you want him to know to do this without telling him? Men hate this, btw. When confronted with this situation I will generally say, "Could you just SAY what you mean? If I wanted to play games, I'd get a PS5."

This is entirely learned behavior for us. We don't do this with our dude friends. I promise you, never once have I said, "Geez, Tom, your butt looks great in those jeans."

I’m just a loss and don’t know whether to suck it up or what..

Your bf undoubtedly loves you and wants you to be happy, but if you want him to understand smth you need to tell him, out loud and using words. Things will go much better that way.

Do you know his love language? Take a test together. Point out that yours is "Words of Affirmation". Do this as many times as is necessary. You will (hopefully) like the results.

Melodic-General-3948 · 2024-06-26T04:30:49+00:00

Awe 🥺 this is a tough one. I don’t know what to make of it On the one hand, he may just not be thinking and there’s nothing malicious . On the other , I can feel the pain of where you’re coming from and it hurts . I believe in the same way you feel the rush of urgency to tell him how handsome he is and play with his hair, you absolutely deserve and should receive the same. The only solution I see is direct Don’t worry about his perception of you, just worry about saying how you feel. It’s easy to over complicate in our head but in reality you need more information from him and i believe you’re justified to bring it up to him

AutoModerator · 2024-06-26T04:08:02+00:00

Title: Partner doesn’t compliment my appearance?

Author olivegreenpolish

Full text: I don’t know if Im in the wrong, if im right, if my insecurities are getting in my head, or a mixture of both.

My fiancée (both 24, together 2 yrs) rarely compliments my appearance. Truthfully, he’s gotten slightly better. I have brought up before that I feel a little sad sometimes because he never says anything nice about how I look. In the last few months if I start getting undressed/changing he’ll sometimes pretend he’s using binoculars or taking a picture, or makes an “O la la” comment lol. That’s nice! I do like that.

However, he never makes any comments like “You look pretty/beautiful” when we go out, when I get ready, when I’m at home, never! Has never really complimented any of my features. This boggles my mind because sometimes I just look at him and see how handsome he looks and I can’t help it and I’ll tussle his hair and tell him how handsome he is, stroke his cheek and tell him he’s so cute, etc. So I guess in my head I think he doesn’t really feel that attracted to me since he never reacts that way towards me. Even when we started dating, he only told me once something like “wow that’s a beautiful photo of you!!”. It’s not a case of him stopping over time lol. Anyways, is this normal of men? Are they just not wired the same way..??

I must admit I kind of spiraled because he got really drunk, I had never seen him drunk, and he was mostly just goofy and silly and he was retelling this story to his mom of how he had been used as a wingman when he was 5 years old. It involved him kissing the hand of a woman a man was trying to impress and when he set up the story he said something like “I was 5 years old, Rob was trying to impress this woman, she was very beautiful, etc etc”. I know he didn’t mean it disrespectfully and obviously it was when he was FIVE lmao, that’s not the issue, it’s just him hearing him refer to someone as beautiful when I don’t hear that from him often hurt. So I don’t know. I’m kind of at a loss here and don’t know how to inspire compliments more or how to bring this up again without fishing for them..I don’t want insincere/unnatural compliments either. I’m just a loss and don’t know whether to suck it up or what..

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BoBinCar · 2024-06-26T13:42:18+00:00

Make a list of what he could say to you in those situation, also pick lines from some from movies if you want, more or less formal, then give him that compliments-list.

SweetSunnyPositive · 2024-06-26T05:21:08+00:00

Are you overweight?

shreyasi_plantmommy · 2026-07-02T19:08:32+00:00

My reply is late, but I am currently going through this but thankfully I have a good self esteem at this age or 32 years and it does not get much into my skin now a days because I really dont care what he thinks about my physical appearance. He has like said I look "good" and "fine" like 1 time in my 3 years time while he keeps calling other women he knows as "extremely beautiful" face like a "goddess" or shit like that. But trust me, the funny part is he does not fit the general standards of a good looking man at all but i found him handsome and gave compliments regularly. But he never gave me compliments. But many men would beg to differ with the opinion of my boyfrnd about my looks 😏so it does not matter anymore now. I have been too stupid to nag him about compliments. Now i just take it from strangers and remain happy

Title	Partner doesn’t compliment my appearance?
Author	olivegreenpolish
Upvotes	32
Comments	34
Date	June 26, 2024 4:08 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1dopn1n/partner_doesnt_compliment_my_appearance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/partner-doesnt-compliment-my-appearance.1522339 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522339

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