I don’t want my future husband in the room when I give birth

HappySpinningSeal · 2024-07-07T04:01:36+00:00

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littleladyluv · 2024-07-07T01:50:29+00:00

I can’t imagine my husband not being there with me in it. Like someone else said, it’s his baby too and he deserves to be there.

I want a natural birth anyways and I want my man’s support, and a doula there. That’s it. I even have a girl friend in mind who has doula training, and I don’t even have a man yet. I just hope whoever I marry lets me have her there. It’s one of (if not the) the most bonding experiences you could ever go through with your spouse. I envy mothers who have happy marriages after kids cause of this. What magic that must be to have that kind of bond.

I guarantee you’ll change your mind when it comes down to it. You’re not going to want random people in the room with you, instead of the love of your life. He isn’t going to care about what you look like down there. If he would care, please don’t have kids with him.

Babiecakes123 · 2024-07-07T01:53:14+00:00

The fathers reaction to birth is always so amazing in photos. I tear up thinking about how my husband will be during the process. I love the pictures.

It’s important for men to experience this too imo. It’s life changing for everyone.

I couldn’t imagine not having my husband there. He put it in there, he can watch it come out lol

Ok_Outside149 · 2024-07-07T01:43:12+00:00

Wow those comments are completely overblown and out of left field 😂

I don’t have children but it’s your choice I suppose. Normal in some places, not in others. I see it as less him seeing you in soul destroying pain and more him giving you comfort at your most vulnerable? I also think a good man would love to be present whilst his child is born and could be hurt by your request. He could just stay at the business end (head) and not the party end (vag).

I also like to keep mystery in my relationship but life can take a turn. I have a friend who broke both her elbows at once and her man had to change her pads during her period. There’s only so much you can do keep personal things away from a life partner.

Salt_Radish_63 · 2024-07-07T01:35:56+00:00

You must be a child. Or haven’t been in a relationship before. My husband is my rock. I wouldn’t have gotten through any pregnancy without him. He calmed me in every sense. Love is unconditional. Your worries are juvenile, to say the least.

Fae_Leaf · 2024-07-07T01:33:23+00:00

I couldn't have done anything related to labor and delivery if it weren't for my husband being at my side every single second. I'd also never take away those moments of being so connected and sharing the moment our baby entered the world together. Our entire relationship deepened so significantly after that. It was like we were in the honeymoon phase all over again for a couple of weeks.

It's ultimately your choice, but I hope you'll reconsider it. It's his baby too, and I imagine any man would be hurt being told they can't be there for their wife during such a special (even if painful in many cases) time and the moment their baby was born.

Unlikely_Lily_5488 · 2024-07-07T02:03:36+00:00

My husband became way more attracted to me from watching me birth our babies, and participating in their births. He caught all of our babies which means he saw everything of course. He is more obsessed with me than ever. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, & childrearing are divine, goddess, feminine, fertile things. I can’t imagine being ashamed or scared of my husband seeing me that way. It was incredibly intimate, powerful, and beautiful to bring our babies here together. The most incredible experiences of our lives. We talk about it a lot, and our oldest is almost 10.

I guess different strokes for different folks. But I really don’t know why you’d exclude him out of your own insecurities on how he might find you unattractive (?) … this is his child coming into the world too. You are his wife. Why wouldn’t you want his support? Why wouldn’t he want to give you support?

PsychoticNurse · 2024-07-07T02:01:08+00:00

I really hope you'll reconsider this. My husband was my strength during that time, and I ended up needing an emergency csection during my last pregnancy. If he wasn't there with me the whole time, I would've been panicked. Your husband doesn't have to be down where the action is. He can sit near the upper half of your body, rub your head, give you encouragement, feed you ice chips, or whatever else you need.

I just wonder why you don't want him seeing you give birth. Of course, it's your decision, but this may hurt his feelings or make him feel rejected. Good dads want to be there when their baby is born. Do you not want him to see your genitals at other times, or just not during birth? Mature men already know what to expect when their wife is giving birth.

Idk what other sub you posted this in, but that's wild they just jumped to husbands cheating. How sad for them that their husbands do that to them when they gave birth so they project it on all other women. But they are right in that your husband should be your best friend. He's your romantic partner but also your best friend. I know I can tell my husband anything and he'll never judge me. Even friends judge sometimes. I hope you'll reflect on some of your views.

Sea-Teacher-2150 · 2024-07-07T03:05:22+00:00

I completely agree with everything you've said and I actually believe it inhibits progress when you don't feel at ease. I kind of think it's "women's business". Long story short I have had 5 kids and the last two I didn't have my husband with my on purpose. They were my best births. Just wanted to say some people do feel this way but we are rare and/or quiet about it because it's like our relationship isn't "special" enough. A lot of mammals go away and be alone to give birth, you've got to get in the zone and focus on what you're doing. I completely agree with you

becauseimnotstudying · 2024-07-07T01:34:21+00:00

I get it. I plan on keeping him up by my side for that exact reason while the moms can be down low if-needed. He’s already seeing me at my worst during my first trimester, so I don’t mind him seeing the pain. Plus I think it’s important for him to see.

chxcolatewings · 2024-07-07T02:02:35+00:00

I honestly feel the same, I just don't want my future husband to see me that way.
It's controversial now, but it's not weird at all, most women used to feel the same way before the 70's. Men were even banned from the delivery room in the past, but men pushed back against that. There's even an old ABC interview where you can observe people's attitudes on the matter. Men were largely pro men-in-the-delivery-room, and women were mostly against it.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-07-07T02:49:12+00:00

I don't think there's a problem with you feeling this way, but you might consider that you don't always get your way in a medical setting. I didn't have a birth plan, because I was having twins and anything could happen. I'm glad I didn't, because I almost died of a severe heart condition, pneumonia, and sepsis.

If I'd had a vaginal birth, I would have had strict rules to stay above the waist, because I'm a bodily private person, as well. During an emergency C-section, where I was terrified I'd drown in my own fluids, though, I didn't really care. Over the next few days in the ICU, I was at my most vulnerable. It was positively dehumanizing, but the last thing I wanted was to be alone.

In short, you can feel this way, but you never know what will happen or how you'll feel in the moment.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-07-07T02:57:47+00:00

Oh yeah! This is the traditional way to go. Expectations in the West only changed in the last half century.

Ironically, my husband had already personally come to the opinion it was a woman's affair, and I had already personally come to the same conclusion, yeeeeaaars before we met and married. I know another couple who has the same thought after speaking to friends of theirs whose thought the same when they had their kids. It's definitely not just a you thing, even in fairly normal American cultural contexts. But it is rare. The standard is to be so severely isolated and lacking in community bonds now that it's unexpected that you would have female confidantes you trust to have alongside you, all the more so that you might prefer them!

But the big secret is that there are a LOT - and I mean a LOT - of men who would never admit to their wife they really don't think it's best for a man to support her through a situation they will never understand and can never "fix." It's rough. My Father very privately admitted this to me, and I know for certain he would never in a million years say that to my mother, who didn't have anyone else. He wouldn't want her to feel guilty for having him for support. Still, he felt it wasn't the preferred reality. As an experiment, swear yourself to secrecy and ask your father what he thinks of the idea of all-women birth rooms.

Your future husband may be way more amenable to the idea than you'd guess.

I asked my MIL who had been through 5 births in the same style I was doing to be with me. She was basically like a doula. Some people hire doulas if they don't have someone like that in their personal life. I certainly placed my trust well; she came through as an absolute hero and slept less than I did during a 32 hour labor.

Eyebrows will raise. One notable nurse passive-aggressively make her disapproval known, as if her personal opinion mattered lol. I've heard from midwives who have done births where the father chose not to be present for cultural or emotional reasons, but my midwife had never done such a birth before, and she had been practicing for 20 years. She did tell me, when I was 9 centimeters, that she was actually enjoying "this all female thing."😂

There's an awakening that can happen when you give birth. I've heard others speak of it and I experienced it. There can be a finding of yourself, a newfound confidence, and a coming into your own authority. I had previously struggled all my life with assertiveness, and that struggle vanished when I went into labor and crossed the threshold into motherhood. It'll be easier than you anticipate to tell the eyebrow raisers to shut it.

That said, consciously decide when and where you are willing to mention what you're doing. It's the kind of thing others get all triggered and defensive over, because someone choosing something different from what they chose brings insecurities to the surface. This is a constant with all matters relating to motherhood, from your birth plan to your feeding plan to your screen time rules to your discipline methods to your school choice to your dating rules. Tell others at your own peril.

Beginning-Ad-4047 · 2024-07-07T01:49:52+00:00

I’m confused on what’s the problem. Are you worried he is going to be repulsed by watching you give birth? The answer is no!

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-07-07T03:38:58+00:00

Hey, you're giving birth. You do you.

I had an epidural, no pain whatsoever. Covid kids so only one person allowed in the room and I wanted that to be my husband. It was serene, peaceful. One of the nurses even teared up watching us together.

I like to know a man isn't squeamish. There are so many things that are gross about being a woman and having young children. Knowing it won't change how he sees me means a lot.

Othalania · 2024-07-07T02:34:28+00:00

On one hand, I absolutely want my (theoretical) husband there. He made the baby with me, and if I've married him he should be my rock in that moment of deep pain and beauty. If he's not my partner and other half, good riddance.

Of course, that's a deeply romanticized view.

On the other hand, I'd never want him to see me like that. But more than that, it feels like a deeply sacred female experience. There's a reason why there have been thousands of years of traditions in which women care for other women in childbirth. No one can understand that experience like another woman. And I've seen far too much content of women who bring their husband into the birthing space only to have him be completely not meaningfully engaged in the space as women are.

While I'm definitely more on the theoretical side of this, unless my husband felt passionate about being there beyond social expectations and was ACTUALLY present emotionally, I'd definitely want it to be a female-only space.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-07T01:20:16+00:00

Title: I don’t want my future husband in the room when I give birth

Author TripSudden2879

Full text: Is this opinion allowed here? I wonder if it makes me completely weird or a jerk or something? But I believe in keeping up close and personal things away from my man. When I get married I want to keep some mystery. I don’t want my husband to look at my vagina as a baby comes out of it, and him seeing me in soul destroying pain. I would love him to come in right after and of course be apart of holding the baby and everything else that being a father entails.

I mentioned this on a different subreddit in a comment and everyone got mad at me and called me sick for it. They said that it’s giving men an excuse to go out and cheat and leave you to giving birth alone and scared and also they said that my husband should be my best friend. I don’t want my husband to be my best friend because the way I see it, I have enough friends. I need a romantic partner, not another friend.

Thoughts?

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vintagegirlgame · 2024-07-07T03:14:18+00:00

Do as you will, you need to be as comfortable for your birth as possible… it’s more traditional and as long as he likes that approach and isn’t feeling excluded in a negative way, then you do you!

For me, having the support of my partner helped make my birth pain free because my body was flooded with oxytocin. We took a course on Bradley Method “husband coached birth” which teaches techniques for natural pain management based around pumping up the love hormones which cancels out the pain.

Diligent-Concept-514 · 2024-07-07T05:57:52+00:00

I had my husband in the room with me for my first child’s birth, but I regret it. He did what he could, but I would have preferred having a sister, doula, or my mom with me. If I have a second I think he will stay home with our toddler and I’d bring someone else. At the end of the day it is you and your child’s birth experience. When the time comes you’ll talk to your husband about it and decide from there.

inhaledpie4 · 2024-07-07T02:33:02+00:00

Your husband is not just your romantic partner. He is your life partner, your intimate partner, the only person in this whole world who should see you. You can try to live your life without being intimate with your romantic partner, but in my experience, romance cannot exist without intimacy. Relationships in general cannot exist without intimacy. You may want to reconsider.

HappySpinningSeal · 2024-07-07T02:57:22+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I don’t want my future husband in the room when I give birth
Author	TripSudden2879
Upvotes	0
Comments	69
Date	July 7, 2024 1:20 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1dx4tj7/i_dont_want_my_future_husband_in_the_room_when_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-dont-want-my-future-husband-in-the-room-when-i.1523485 https://theredarchive.com/post/1523485

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