I started dating this guy a few months ago and he is really kind, compassionate and empathetic. We were going really strong but we went on a trip together and I overheard a conversation with one of his friends when he was drunk. During the convo, he was spewing out red-pill rhetoric and speaking about male/female dynamics in a very reductive way. When I confronted him about it, he apologized and took accountability and seemed genuinely ashamed and embarrassed. However the next day when we dug in a bit more, he started to defend himself for some of the stuff he was saying and while I kind of understood his perspective, I felt like he wasn't fully understanding the problem with everything he said.

The reason I am not running for the hills is because I truly do not think he actually lives his life or looks at women in a derogatory way - and has not historically in the past. It felt very inauthentic even when he was defending his arguments and his arguments/theories were extremely contradictory to how he approached our relationship. He is divorced and shared with me that his long-term partner/wife left him for a co-worker (in a bipolar manic episode) and it traumatized him in an extreme way. They also had a more equal partnership and were progressive during their relationship and shared responsibilities, split bills etc and he seems to blame that for things going south among other things, when in reality - it went south because she was mentally ill and refused to go to therapy get medicated.

I think he fell down the red-pill rabbit hole as a way to 1) blame himself for a situation out of his control and 2) feel like there was a "productive" way to get himself through the aftermath and 3) latch on to these theories to prevent something like that from happening again. Basically it feels like he's trying to force himself to be red-pilled even though it's really in misalignment with his personality, friends, family and every other aspect of his life.

He is genuinely really amazing in every other way - we are really compatible but this threw a huge wrench into things. He also really likes me too and it feels sad that I'm leaning towards breaking up over this. Part of me thinks that with more conversation and therapy, he could start to detox from this mindset which does not feel core to his being, but part of me feels like this might just be a deal-breaker I need to walk away from.