We're all very aware of the fact that ALL straight heterosexual men have complicated feelings about their wife/gf's sexual past. Heck, even daughters and sisters. Now, I know that there is a subset of men who have moved on from it through various methods/rationalization/acceptance and what not. However, it doesn't change the fact that it seems to be something that all men would encounter at some point in their life.

In a society whose mainstream culture is heavily influenced by progressivism, feminism, and everything else in between, the response men get is this, "Stop being such a misogynistic prick and get over it."

Just mentioning that one has such an insecurity and doubt in their mind makes them automatically this list of bad words that I am sure all of you are familiar with. The advice given is simply, "Get over it." And to some degree, I do agree. You need to get over it otherwise the relationship will always be burdened by it. But my main gripe about this issue is the method given as to how it should get over with and why it comes into being. It is said in a way that makes it some sort of moral failing from the man's side.

"You have wronged for entertaining those views, and now you need to atone for those sins. You are objectifying women. You are slut shaming them. You are enforcing toxic purity standards for her and not you, the hypocrisy!!"

However, what these discussions always ignore, miss, and neglect is the fact that women are just as responsible about men having those feelings as those men are. Now, before you go running around imagining where I am going with such an audacious line, I am going to tell you.

It isn't a moral failure from the man to have those feelings simply because they are deeply rooted in some very fundamental aspects to human relationships/socialization. In other words, Women too have these exact same feelings, it's just that they are never highlighted because of the position they have in that discussion.

What I want to say is, ASK any Bisexual man about his experiences with women and he'll tell you how twisted they get over it. Women viscerally hate imagining their partner getting DICKED down by some other guy. Just like any other man out there imagining his sweet SO getting railed. What does this tell us? It's not a really a gender thing but more so a power thing.

Humans are inherently selfish and incapable of unconditional love and acceptance. This is what lies at the very core of this issue. As creatures who are barely aware of the processes that guide them through life, we live life in an ignorant mode where we make up ideal excuses about what why we think, feel, say, and do the things that we do because they're either unflattering or unknown.

Human relationships are inherently possessive, and deep down there are various processes that subconsciously work to assure us that whatever relationship we've had the opportunity of stumbling upon will benefit us in some way. Be it a new friend, a romantic partner, a work colleague, and what have you. If they won't benefit us through tangible resources, they will benefit us through the complex framework through which we derive pleasure in a plethora of ways.

Taking all of that into consideration it becomes very apparent why submissive partner are looked down upon. Of course, looked down upon in relations with other people. As long as they're submissive to US, then all is good. Though there is also a sizeable portion of the population that although might get off on others being submissive to them and yearn for those kind of interactions, it's purely in a sexual context. There won't be the slightest shred of respect for any meaningful relationship to blossom there. Imagine like a very macho gay gay in a tough area having sexual relations with a soft twink.

But why is that the case? Why do we value dominant people and look down upon the submissive ones? I think it really all comes back to our definition of strength. Who is more deserving of respect and admiration, the girl who grew up in poverty and fought endless obstacles to make something of herself. Or the one who grew up poor, took care of her looks, and married the first man she could find?

Submission is weakness, and as deeply self-centered creatures it's always a better decision to invest time and energy in dominant people. There is also another factor which is also very selfish, but this is more so related to the other party's well-being, albeit it's still selfish in a roundabout way.

Try this simple hypothetical exercise. If you were to have a gay son, which one would you prefer. The tall, strong, independent, assertive, confidence, and self-assured Gay who always fucks. Or the clear bottom who's effeminate, submissive, and what have you?

100% of people of the choose the former. The only reason someone might choose the latter would be as a reaction to complicated emotions about the whole power dynamics and the pettiness of the human psyche which are perfectly understandable.

All of this to simply say that you cannot morally fault men for the existence of a psychological framework that is built and maintained by every human in existence. Moving on from these petty power dynamics is vital for a healthy relationship and thus a healthy society. It needs to begin with both the men and women and the different ways they contribute and benefit from this shit show.

At the same time, this highlights the importance of being aware of what goes on in one's head. Otherwise, we'll always keep on projecting some parts of ourselves into others and shame them for not fitting whatever image is the most beneficial to us.

Keep in mind that throughout the whole post I am talking from a position of perception, and not the actuality of what is as it is too complicated and involves numerous constantly changing variables.

For example, although women in general are socialized to be more submissive in a romantic context, and they find tremendous pleasure in feeling small, feminine, and the rest of it, there is more nuance to it and it doesn't mean they're as such in every facet of that relationship. There could also be a hetero couple who don't entertain these power dynamics in the bedroom at all but just because she's a woman it'll always be assumed that he is domming her, and so when this gal finds a new BF he will probably have those feelings because of his flawed perception and not because of what really happened.

There is also the fact that submission and dominance aren't really as straight-forward as we perceive them to be, and more so people tend to be dynamic moving from one end to the spectrum to the other.

Frankly, it's even more complicated than that as it's very closely tied to transgenderism and how a fragmentary understanding of this topic is heavily influencing the direction our cultures are taking. but I doubt you'd be down to reading me ramble on for another hour.