See previous post if you want context.

I tried to reconcile. Couldn’t do it. I have no trust for her.

I realized I’m just holding on cause of how intertwined our lives are socially and because she’s dependent on me financially but that’s it.

No kids. No estate.

Clean slate.

The only hard part is she has no education or career and so I’m concerned she’s going to struggle paycheck to paycheck.

I suppose that’s her problem but I still feel a lot of empathy cause I still love her.

But I know this won’t work. Trust is gone. And I don’t want the relationship anymore.

Told her last week I’m done. Packed up my stuff. Took a flight to Japan.

Now just dealing with my own stuff for a bit then I’ll contact a lawyer.

Still wake up every second day and doubt myself and if I really shouldn’t try one more time with her. She seems to be sorry and has said so millions of times.

But she never would’ve told me unless I found out. She’s just sorry she got caught and isn’t loyal or respect for me.

She also says “this is not an excuse but I was also young damaged little girl”.

I don’t believe age plays a factor in loyalty. Maybe it was a temptation for her based on childhood triggers. But I was tempted many times and I never acted on it - I would never want to be unfaithful.

I guess if I have any question it’s…

How do I push through this last phase of filing for divorce now?

I’m getting cold feet following through with the divorce… I’m okay, but I still love this girl and don’t want to shatter her life.

I feel somehow guilty that I’m going to hurt someone I love.