Lost my purpose

6-demon-bag808 · 2024-08-23T20:44:43+00:00

Do you have kids?

playerknowmore · 2024-08-23T16:56:34+00:00

Somewhere between six months and ten years, you are going to realize that you got lucky. I noticed that you didn't mention any children. Children are the glue that should hold a marriage together. Today's women will still walk away, but without children letting a woman leave, it is always the best decision.

Your problem is you have been trained not to choose yourself. Most men don't realize that they are the main character in their lives. I spent seventeen years letting my wife make ninety percent of decisions in my life. Then, one day, she hits me with I'm not happy. It only took ten seconds for me to realize I wasn't happy either.

My wife let her mother talk her into that I was the best she could get. If I didn't have three children, I would have left her. Three years later, my wife made enough changes for me to stay. She is under no allusion that I would choose me over her any day.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-08-22T23:25:03+00:00

I’d say start with imagining your perfect new life. I lost a lot so I have a lot of goals to get back to zero. Goals and hope give you purpose.

jaceq777 · 2024-08-22T16:06:28+00:00

It sounds like you're describing my story. 6 years together, 2,5 married, one day 5 months ago she just tells she doesn't want to be a part of my life anymore. She refused any therapy, counselling, forced me to move out, leaving me devastated and without purpose. I still don't fully grasp what happened. I feel you buddy, as you write, time will probably heal us some day. But for now we have to endure the pain and find a new meaning to our lives. Edit: you also write in a comment that she was in love with the idea of marriage. That's what I would describe my wife. I don't fully know what idea that was and doubt she could describe it. But the social pressure of having a nice wedding, husband/wife blinds people into choosing this path, I think.

captainchippsixx · 2024-08-22T15:37:56+00:00

First off man. I would say there was a 99% chance She had another guy or in the wings. Sounds like she was in the affair fog and signed off on the divorce. I know guys don’t like to believe that there wife was a liar and cheater. But man it happens oh so often. What you wrote was in the playbook of a woman who decided to be with someone else and lie to you about it.

this is on her, not you and she would have made it worse on you dragging it out. So you should be mad. I was like you, lost and did the stupid thing and took her back (after she did the same shit- surprise move out, fucking another guy.

What I should have done is analyzed my career and decided do I need to change or change in state or city.

You’re young guy. Plenty of time. Small steps man. Focus on looking at the career. Maybe buy something that will make you happy and meet more people/keep you active. Maybe a car or a jeep? Lots of jeep clubs. Women love jeeps as well. They suck for reliability but maybe just as a recreational use 2nd car. Or join a coed or not sport team softball,volleyball, basketball, soccer, so many things you can do.

Pro-IDGAF · 2024-08-22T14:52:56+00:00

no purpose? your purpose in life now is to let go, regroup and go have some fun. be a free range man again. it aint so bad.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-08-22T14:11:12+00:00

It takes time mate. Give it at least 2 years. The first year will always be a total write off. That's ok.

Most guys make the mistake of making their wife and kids the center of their lives. Completely unattractive to the opposite sex as it is extremely feminine behavior. Don't beat yourself up, you didn't know then, now you know for future relationships. Most women LOVE to follow men, keep your focus on your purpose, she is there to support you. You will have moments to support her too, but it has to be a split of around 75% in your masculinity. Your wife wants a man in her life, not another girlfriend.

Good job on getting out while she was still in the affair fog. You did what you needed to do.

As for finding your purpose what were you passionate about pre-marriage and pre-dating? Odds are you put those things on the backburner while you moved your wife up to pedestal territory. Revisit them and see if you still have passion for them.

Your purpose can be anything that motivates you day to day. It will naturally create time away from your partner which is critical to maintain attraction for women. Thats what women find attractive about a man with purpose, it is not the actual activity, it is the distance and mystery it creates. It gives her a sense of competition for your time and leaves her wondering if you are giving time to other women while you are away from her. Could be the gym if you want to compete on stage, could be art or music, it could be travelling, mountain climbing, breeding dogs, whatever.

Able_Protection2560 · 2024-08-22T12:58:01+00:00

Keep yourself BUSY, there are more things out there. You are already on the right track, going to gym and hanging with your friends and family. Every now and then you might think of what could have been... DON'T! We are all rooting for you :)

xadmin123 · 2024-08-22T08:27:16+00:00

Who wanted the marriage? You are grieving the future dream that will not be lived. It’s not you, it’s just your turn.

Accomplished_Gene176 · 2024-08-22T07:09:20+00:00

First off know your wife cheated and replaced you, accept this fact. I found having my own dog the most fulfilling thing to fill my time. My dog requires lots of exercise and takes up a lot of my free time. Their love is also unconditional unlike your ex’s. A woman will never really love you, they love what you can do for them.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-08-22T05:08:26+00:00

Your vision of your life is nothing more than a play you wrote in your head. Just because you cast a shitty actress in the leading role does not mean the play itself sucks. Stay the course and find someone that deserves the part.

Embarrassed-Algae634 · 2024-08-22T05:04:53+00:00

That's terrible, and I hope you feel better about everything soon. Maybe it's better that this happen now than after decades of unhappiness. I take it that you're young? There is time to recover in life and go on to a better future, but I know that my just saying that doesn't help much. I think you might be going through a natural grieving process, which will be rough going but not permanent. I'm rooting for you--

Title	Lost my purpose
Author	No-Direction6658
Upvotes	20
Comments	22
Date	August 22, 2024 2:50 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ey8nkk/lost_my_purpose/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/lost-my-purpose.1527981 https://theredarchive.com/post/1527981

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