Is pension splitting, as part of a divorce settlement, considered normal, or 'below the belt'?

Obvious_Report523 · 2025-08-14T19:47:21+00:00

I thank each and every married and divorced man for having taught me at a young age that marriage is Hell on Earth and that the single life is the way to go. I’ll be 62 years old next month, never married and on January 1st, 2026 I will retire with my full, unshared and totally mine Florida State FRS Pension that combined with my Social Security will be enough to live comfortably in the United States, except I’ll be living between Colombia and the Dominican Republic (6 months a year in each country), where I have been traveling to regularly for more than twenty years and I became a naturalized citizen in the DR. Please be smart enough to NOT get married ever again, and spend whatever time remains (and I hope it’s many decades more) alone, enjoying life and having women for nights of pleasure ONLY and nothing more, sending them on their way with no feelings for them whatsoever, just like they had none for you when they fought to take everything you worked for.

SnooDucks2052 · 2024-09-18T00:52:32+00:00

My ex wife was ordered to give me half “hers” cause I stayed home with the kids for 7 years

techrmd3 · 2024-09-17T21:17:48+00:00

sounds like someone is flipping genders

but anyway a pension is an asset like anything else if a divorce happens then it is up for grabs like any asset

the first thing is to do an asset split you can do 50/50 55/45 or 60/40 since you are the lower wage earner you can seek to get a greater percentage of the community assets (including pension) since you (presumably) would not be able to keep your same standard of living since spouse makes the greater income

As ALWAYS talk with your attorney! These kinds of things are EXACTLY why a competent attorney versed in your local law and procedures of your local court can help you with what to ASK for and what to negotiate to.

Some localities and states may not allow spouses to seek portions of a pension, retirement account, most will in my experience.

If you are truly disabled, have ample evidence via doctor records and you have sought disability pay or short term disability or long term disability THEN you can see if claiming this disability back break while hanging 10 should be brought up. The way you say it above a Judge would likely deem you able bodied he man and well able to earn your own way in life. (a good attorney can help you navigate this wording... do not say it like above by the way)

Budget_Material1136 · 2024-09-17T19:16:43+00:00

Her inheritance is irrelevant. You are, however, entitled to 50% of the retirement she earned while she was married to you.

Timely_Froyo1384 · 2024-09-17T18:54:51+00:00

Assets - debt / 2 = ?

Doesn’t matter what account/pile it comes out of.

OctinoxateAndZinc · 2024-09-17T15:10:19+00:00

Should I also go for half of my STBX's pension?. She has worked so hard and I feel bad if I do.

I can speak to this being married to someone in the medical field.

Her working hard for it is irrelevant. The ABILITY for her to work/earn it was likely partially due to your support and understanding. Medical folks work weird hours and days. I'm SURE there was A LOT you gave up/missed out on and other slack you had to pick up with your child to make her work schedule possible. If she balks at it you're free to remind her about all the days/nights/weekends you solo parented during her work hours, when you could have easily hired a sitter.

FYI: the amount you'll get is a calculation of 50% of the top years of her earnings during the marriage, not a flat 50% of it when she finally retires.

singledisk · 2024-09-17T13:36:00+00:00

Dude, you also get half her CPP in Canada, but you have to apply withing three years, I think.

Frank24602 · 2024-09-17T11:56:34+00:00

Yes its Normal. A lot of couples where one spouse has a higher income/better retirement savings options for steg at home or low income spouse won't put "their" money (no such thing in a community property state OR effectively in a marriage) into retirement, letting the high income spouse save for both. Think of it this way, if you had known this would happen you would have either been asking for half the money the whole time, or would have (rightfully) prioritized finding better job and saving "your" money. It's legally half yours. Ask for what you deserve

2024-09-17T11:54:28+00:00

Get a lawyer as she will have to pay for it, and let a pro do the work, which includes securing 50% of her pension! You are 52. It is too late to save for retirement alone. A marriage is a partnership, and the law requires splitting the retirement accounts. It is NOT below the belt. Rather, it is just and even more appropriate for cheaters. She's going to shriek and turn into even more of a devil, so expect it. Then ignore it and get everything you are entitle too, which means at least DOUBLE what you are expecting in alimony.

Slowloris81 · 2024-09-17T11:12:59+00:00

It’s normal. There are experts who QDRO the account. You can always ask and then decide later not to. But if you never ask it’s never part of the equation.

AdrianInLimbo · 2024-09-17T08:53:05+00:00

Yes go for everything, she would if the tables were turned.

upvotersfortruth · 2024-09-17T05:18:29+00:00

Go for everything to which you're entitled and more. You won't get everything you ask for but you'll never get something you don't. However, if you're initiating - as it seems from you post - she's not processing. She is beginning the grieving process, that you have already been through whether you realize it or not. So prepare yourself to bear the brunt of some of the stages, along with your son, who she will certainly fall back on.

7 Stages of Grief:

Shock
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Processing

Unless you can bring it to a close during "shock", if she really really doesn't want a divorce it will be a long haul.

Internal-Wolverine13 · 2024-09-17T04:44:13+00:00

Yep. Her retirement savings are half yours, no question. My ex certainly went after every dime of mine that she could.

Title	Is pension splitting, as part of a divorce settlement, considered normal, or 'below the belt'?
Author	AaronSalty
Upvotes	11
Comments	33
Date	September 17, 2024 2:57 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fio2lg/is_pension_splitting_as_part_of_a_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/is-pension-splitting-as-part-of-a-divorce.1530505 https://theredarchive.com/post/1530505

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