How can I ask her for divorce if we have a "good relationship"?

Pretty-Okra4530 · 2024-10-10T02:25:59+00:00

This is what you do. You shouldn't be obligated to love someone that you are not inlove with. However the longer you wait the worse it will be for her.

Have a heart to heart with her tell her gently and say I am so sorry but I can't help how I feel. I know I am selfish for not fighting for our relationship. Sorry for giving up. But you deserve someone that appreciates you for how wonderful you are, that person is not me. You will always have a special place in my heart and I will be there for you for whatever you need because you are important to me and will always be but I can not help how I feel.

If she propose couples counseling say yes maybe go to two or three, or separation for a month or so. Be gentle!! My STBX treated our divorce like SHIT!!! Because he sucks at communication. Now he is scared shitless because he made a mess and waited 2 years to tell me, now he cheated. My 9 year old found out. I have every single argument to destroy him in court and I am being super mean and not at all cooperative because he never said I AM SORRY!!! He never acknowledge my pain and my kids. He is in this selfish sea of self involvement.

DifferentCup1605 · 2024-10-09T22:49:16+00:00

How fat is she?

Exactly65536 · 2024-10-09T09:33:21+00:00

There is no good way to say "I want to part ways". She'll be hurt, and you are the cause of it.

Best you can do - be concrete, certain and come with a plan and a proposal how to do it. Don't leave any hope if there isn't any. Don't sugarcoat it. You seem to have your reasons lined up; present them as they are, don't go into "it's not you it's me" lies; it's easier in a long run to know the real reason.

If you have no kids, you owe her pretty much nothing, you like other women more - go for it. But consider the price carefully. Alimony, proprety split, the cost of going to court if she chooses this route.

Appropriate-Shift564 · 2024-10-08T23:32:59+00:00

I would ensure you are 100% prepared and ready for a divorce before dropping the news. If you truly are unsure how she’ll react, it’s best that you are prepared emotionally, financially, mentally and spiritually for the divorce before you tell her.

As other posters mentioned, divorce is very painful but with a good support system, preparation and true acknowledgement of your situation, it could work out better for you in the end.

captainchippsixx · 2024-10-08T23:04:21+00:00

Women scorned will go nuts. My advice is to line the divorce up and have a plan to move out immediately when you drop the news on her. But call her family so she has support. Takes a lot of planning. But if you f around and find out what she is capable of if you give her time…. Go the nice guy route and then you wake up and the cops are there and the accounts are empty.

You know her best. Is she capable of trying to destroy you when pissed off? It is she going to go into despair?

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2024-10-08T22:29:01+00:00

Divorce is difficult (understatement)but you only get one life so make the best of it. 50% get divorced. Staying in a loveless Marriage is probably not a good choice if you are not happy and have tried to make it work. Divorce really does not solve all issues as it just changes the equation and can be one of the most difficult decisions and time in your life. Only you can answer which road to take but put your happiness first. The younger you are and the sooner you get done and through the pain you’ll have more time to recover and build the life you deserve.

HarveyRichardMarcos · 2024-10-08T22:10:38+00:00

The grass is green where you water it. All that glitter isn’t gold. If you have kids, make the shit work.

If you don’t have kids, talk to a lawyer first. The legal process determines how you play your cards more than anything else.

This_Train340i · 2024-10-08T21:52:44+00:00

Tell her you are broke and might need some help paying bills next month. She'll be gone like a fart in a hurricane.

Rare-Ad-3542 · 2024-10-08T21:15:31+00:00

Grass is greener where you water it.

Several-Eagle4141 · 2024-10-08T20:12:31+00:00

Sounds like r/deadbedrooms

GarbanzoBenne · 2024-10-08T20:01:31+00:00

Honest question: have you clearly communicated to her that there are problems significant enough to affect the future of the relationship?

I see way too many situations where one spouse has been complaining for years then the other gets blindsided when divorce is brought up, thinking some problems are just normal and not realizing the severity.

pk2at · 2024-10-08T19:42:47+00:00

MY suggestion is you go for a DIY legal separation which can be handled online. You can tell her its simply a way to save on taxes and put the family on a better finances.

Davos7941 · 2024-10-08T19:09:11+00:00

Dude, a Divorce is way bigger then you think.. I am coming to you as a Divorced person....I would really think about it and reflect before you make this choice...Once you decide it there really is no going back, because once you tell the person that there is no recovery, once the family and friends get involved and know then you're forever tainted. And the process sucks!!! My Ex and I it took 2 months and a $1,000 and going to Court was beyond emotional.

Why don't you try having a date night where you both dress up and really spend time with each other. Sometimes life just sucks and can get in the way of something.

Obviously this is your choice, but Divorce is a huge huge thing. It is 100 times bigger then just a breakup.

My Ex Wife initiated ours and even though I had a lot of resentments and issues I always tried to work on our marriage and myself, as mad as I got I never tried to go through with a Divorce...But she wanted it so it happened, but even as the Divorcee it is a brutal and horrible thing.

I just don't want you to live your life in regret, there is no guarantee another woman will come in your life and want to be with you, so just really think this through. If your mind is made up then the best way to do it is just sit down and respectfully tell her.

Dumpster_Fyr · 2024-10-08T18:59:17+00:00

I feel like you should look into your intellectualization of your emotions. I say that because we're very similar. I'm an avoidant who intellectualizes his emotions and it makes people feel very distant because I think I'm using the best word for trying to communicate myself, but in reality I'm casting people away because they can't relate.

Seems like you have a good woman In fact, send her my way and I'll take good care of her lol seems kind of hard to find a good, compassionate woman.

She seems like a sweet, sweet codependent type there's really no easy way to do it. You're just going to have to pull off that Band-Aid and let her spiral then do her thing. She's an adult after all so she's going to have to figure it out and she will be better for it in the long run.

SoloUnit2020 · 2024-10-08T18:51:40+00:00

Intimacy and attraction is very important. However, you're about to go into what is considered one of the most stressful things you can every put yourself through. Because of what, because you're bored?

Listen, I initiated my divorce because there was no other way. She lied to me about finances (like $2000/month amounts), cheated on me, dragged my name through the mud, spread all of our intermarital issues, left me with the kids on the weekend to go to drag shows, isolated me from my friends, and crapped on every passion I've ever had. The final straw was when she didn't have my back in a very difficult situation. Which, I went to the ends of the earth to communicate these issues but she wouldn't listen.

I don't know your situation from this post as it's very vague. But connecting intimately and intellectually is very important. However, before you just initiate the divorce I think you should really sit her down and tell her that you've felt disconnected in these areas and that you feel at a loss to find a way to connect in that way and at this point something needs to change or it's not going to work out. As these are typically issues you'll probably eventually run into with someone else.

Title	How can I ask her for divorce if we have a "good relationship"?
Author	Davos7941
Upvotes	6
Comments	37
Date	October 8, 2024 6:35 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fz726o/how_can_i_ask_her_for_divorce_if_we_have_a_good/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-can-i-ask-her-for-divorce-if-we-have-a-good.1532471 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532471

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