Ex-wife’s “Rolodex of hurt”

Gattsama · 2024-11-07T06:22:32+00:00

When I hear things like this, I feel it's trying not to explain but to excuse women's behavior. In fact, this is incredibly childish. Either one forgives and moves on, or if they lack the ability resentment builds until failure.

The eX would bring up stuff from 17 years previous. Ultimately, I asked her what her goal was and what the point was. You have brought up these incidents for over 15 years. They can not be changed, what do you want?

She said she wanted me to be aware that she was hurt. I informed her I was aware, so now what. She said that my actions in the past left cigar burns on her soul. I responded, if that is true and you can never heal, what is the point of us being together, and what is the point of you bringing it up.

Ultimately, it's a childish manipulation tactic used to excuse their bad behavior, make themselves the victim, and justify/excuse what they do. It's a tactic to win arguments.

The fact that this is so common among women does not matter nor excuse it. Goodness knows they hate it if we kept bringing up things they did wrong that were unrelated for a decade or more. In fact, that would be considered abuse! Yet when done to us, it's just 'a woman's rolodex of hurt' or her 'expressing her feelings.'

We have normalized women's abusive behaviors as normal and acceptable. They should not be tolerated and supported. Reverse them, and it's clearly abusive.

Commercial-Doubt-612 · 2024-10-24T12:30:48+00:00

My wife still brings up the time I called her a bitch for being so irrational. She tried to remote controlled me and complains on how I manage our children. I am with the kids for months and she is somewhere 90km away for us due to her work assignment. Hell nah Im taking flake from a mother who is clearly absent to her children. I don't fucking care. She deserve it. She said she forgive but cant forget. Brought it all time during any argument. If a divorce happens because she feel entitled, wait till she take on the world. Good luck.

Appropriate_Breath91 · 2024-10-24T02:08:57+00:00

Good freaking lord did I experience this.

One that really baffled me was she brought up an ice fishing incident when we were in our early 20’s. I had bought her new long johns that were supposed to be super warm.

She was complaining of being super cold within 10 minutes. I got super annoyed because I was 23/24 and I was like omfg every time we try to ice fish; I get to drill one hole and we have to leave. 🤣

Anyways, the ex and I were basically the same size. A few days later; I went ice fishing with a buddy but I wore her long John’s instead of mine because whatever.

Turned out she was right and these “super warm” long John’s absolutely sucked. I got home and immediately apologized to her about A) how much the long John’s sucked and B) for not initially believing her and being convinced she was just trying to be a pain in my butt

She brought that shit up 10 years later as one of her justifications for wanting to divorce me. She forgave me THEN but never actually forgave me. Like good freaking lord.

I never want to go through that again. The laundry list of every little wrong or mistake I have ever made

fewdo · 2024-10-24T00:53:19+00:00

I would comment that she never forgave me for anything. She explained that she refused to forget my fallings so that she could identify patterns. Result: she remembered every mistake I ever made and works bring up like... Yeah, a Rolodex

Sea_Broccoli6349 · 2024-10-24T00:48:05+00:00

Experienced this. Did not know it had such a fitting name. Like it!

BarnacleBill25 · 2024-10-23T19:12:25+00:00

Good series, thank you! On Spotify also

black65Cutlass · 2024-10-23T15:55:47+00:00

Yes, my ex-wife documented everything I ever did wrong, or she perceived as wrong in her head. She would usually bring them up when she had been drinking. She never forgot or forgave ANYTHING.

Gillilnomics · 2024-10-23T12:07:01+00:00

Well, its good to know that it’s not limited to my ex I guess?

She started dragging up some crazy stuff, I’m talking about times she had to pay for parking when we went on dates 11 years prior, before we were official. That level of pettiness.

OkEmphasis5923 · 2024-10-22T22:45:58+00:00

Every guy experiences some variation of this.

Its monumentally shocking and beyond stupid how many women think the regular guy she married who is just like her brothers, Dad, and uncles will somehow magically fill every hole in her heart and telepathically know what she's thinking.

comandeer_conflict · 2024-10-22T20:58:07+00:00

Is a Rolodex of hurt a memory of every little thing that went wrong in the relationship where her feelings were hurt by you?

And then she would bring it up later on to use against you?

Title	Ex-wife’s “Rolodex of hurt”
Author	THX1138-22
Upvotes	12
Comments	18
Date	October 22, 2024 7:20 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1g9qjmf/exwifes_rolodex_of_hurt/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-wifes-rolodex-of-hurt.1532750 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532750

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