Divorced, financially secure, considering having a child: Thoughts?

HarveyRichardMarcos · 2024-10-14T22:16:08+00:00

No!! Get a vasectomy! Don’t repeat same mistake!!

Exactly65536 · 2024-10-14T13:52:40+00:00

Knowing all that I know now, as a father of 5yo, I would not. I love my son and I even think I am a good father, but I'd prefer not to be one.

That said, as a male you still have many years of being fertile. You can find a lady that is willing (think -10 years), build a relationship, a family and live happily ever after. Or divorce tragically, lose access to your kids and half your stuff.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-10-13T22:25:34+00:00

If your ex didn't give you a child then hell yes lock a woman down and this time get your kids out of the way asap.

If you already have kids then hell no. You already won the game of life. Enjoy your kids, enjoy your women, live a happy life.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2024-10-13T21:50:53+00:00

Surrogate, or a contract that right of the best states 50/50. Never live together in my opinion.

47omek · 2024-10-13T21:30:05+00:00

I'd only do it with a surrogate knowing what I know now as a divorced dad. Always knowing that the mother could at any time use the power of the state to reduce you to a visitor in your child's life is a non-starter. I wouldn't sign up again for anyone to have that kind of power over me.

FUMoney · 2024-10-13T21:29:21+00:00

Consider living childfree. It's life on cheatcode. No responsibility to the educational/medical/childrearing industrial complex. No annoying schools, or colleges. Jet on a moment's notice - and I do mean a moment. You could pack your suitcase right now and be out the door within an hour (and yes, we've done it). Time and choices are all yours, maximum optionality.

I'd consider very, very carefully before procreating on this spinning rock. And watch lots of videos from people who said "no" to kids. You may learn quite a bit.

In fact, you may consider the no kids, no pets, no plants lifestyle. Having lived it, I'm never going back to these shitbag responsibilities.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-10-13T18:06:46+00:00

You’ll find no shortage of girls in your age range looking for kids too. The problem is you might end up as sperm donor since the kid is all they really want. I’d go really slow with and live with a girl for at least a year before making any decisions like that.

dharma_van · 2024-10-13T17:23:17+00:00

I’d be in no rush

DelayIndependent7668 · 2024-10-13T16:37:40+00:00

I would not be adverse to it, if it happened. But, I think you need to try and develop the relationship before you add a child to the mix. Children while awesome add another dimension to a relationship. If you are not in a solid relationship, the pressure of parenting can easily fracture it.

AirSailer · 2024-10-13T15:22:53+00:00

Having a child is awesome.

Having 50/50 custody is awesome, you get half the time by yourself and they are happy to see you when it's your custody time.

Having an ex-wife that you have to negotiate everything relating to your child is terrible.

It all really depends on who you have your kid with. If you have a child then you're taking a huge chance with the woman; getting pregnant and giving birth can really fuck with some women's hormones and behaviors.

Marriage is a legal agreement between you and your state where you agree that she can end the legal agreement (for any reason) then the state gets to decide how much you have to pay and whether you are worthy of being in your child's life. If you don't go along with what the state decides then they will send men with guns to take you to jail.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2024-10-13T12:06:51+00:00

My lawyer told me, you could have just paid a surrogate would be cheaper lol

Tonberry38 · 2024-10-13T10:21:59+00:00

I'm currently 42 and at the end of my second marriage. First marriage we didn't want kids then decided at the end to have them, then she passed away. 2nd marriage we tried having kids off and on but nothing ever connected.

Now I don't know what to do. I know I want to date again and get another chance at love but am unsure if having a baby should be in the cards say by my mid 40s.

sicrm · 2024-10-13T10:04:06+00:00

recently divorced the last thing you need is to rush into a relationship and have baby.

also, if you have a baby with the wrong person, there is no divorce. you’re tied to them for life

Rugger2row · 2024-10-13T09:47:33+00:00

I was older, 41 and 43 when my kids were born. 36 is still a baby, lol. I am getting snipped because there is no way I would risk going through this hell again. If my children weren't here I would have ended this marriage a while back. The big issue about having kids fairly soon is you really don't know your spouse until you go through some shit together. That takes time. My advice is don't shorten the vetting process or overlook red flags for you because you want to start a family asap. But of course, you will have plenty of opportunities so don't be afraid to get out there.

notjuandeag · 2024-10-13T09:34:27+00:00

I already have one and my stbxw isn’t really involved in our child’s life. I’d consider it but I’m not sure if I would want a half siblings home yet. I’m also not really ready to think about dating anyone else yet.

Title	Divorced, financially secure, considering having a child: Thoughts?
Author	coderoncruise
Upvotes	5
Comments	20
Date	October 13, 2024 9:21 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1g2lt93/divorced_financially_secure_considering_having_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorced-financially-secure-considering-having-a.1532905 https://theredarchive.com/post/1532905

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