How to enjoy this stuff?

Lanky_Cup_4201 · 2024-11-25T21:11:46+00:00

You’ll find the one gang don’t worry

Dwerg1 · 2024-11-25T21:46:37+00:00

You can't start enjoying it until you stop needing it.

If you don't enjoy interacting with women on multiple levels you'll come off as not enjoying her company, basically you'll look like you don't like her or don't like being with her and don't like spending time with her. Obviously they're not going to stick around for that.

If you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself to be funny, playful and pretend like you're having a good time when you're not it's the same thing. You'll look like a pretender, they can sense that there is no underlying positive vibe about you, there will be cracks in your facade.

You're chasing an end goal. Say you get it, now what? You win and are happy forever after? No, you will feel good for a little while and then you'll crash back down to your negative baseline, ready to chase your next hit. You will lose the girl because getting her fixed nothing within you and your unresolved negativity will drive her away sooner or later.

You will be stuck in that cycle until you realize that life is more about the journey than the destination.

Your beliefs are that of someone who doesn't think he's good enough. That is a core issue here. You're putting yourself under tremendous pressure thinking you always have to "be on your A game", be funny and be playful all the time in order to attract. The pressure itself causes you to be completely incapable of achieving any of that because those things don't naturally flow out of a state of feeling miserable.

There might be quite a bit of inner work ahead for you to get to a point where you can genuinely enjoy the process, but I did it and probably came from an even darker place, so I believe you can too.

You'll have to drop the pressure you put on yourself, detach yourself from needing the outcomes and figure out why the hell you believe you're not good enough already.

Simply put you need to find a way to make yourself feel good on your own before you can extend this out to a woman, that's what she'll want to be with you for. Currently you do not possess this feeling, so you can't possibly make women feel good about you.

It's kinda hard to convey this understanding in a way that builds a bridge between your current negative perspective and the different perspective that will enjoy the process, but hopefully at least some of this makes sense.

Fast-Expert-9799 · 2024-11-25T21:35:31+00:00

You have to go to a point of pain and frustration and humiliation before it becomes fun. I'm a 6 year veteran of this shit. But you never get infallible. Just today I backed out of an approach because I couldn't figure out how old the girl was.

epimpstyle · 2024-11-25T22:33:11+00:00

The fact that it is so easy for some guys.

No, it's not easy. But the idea is that you don't show how hard it is, so it looks easy. However, once you are in a talkative mode, it gets easier, but it is hard to start.

you have to go out and approach groups of women in bars and 90% of the time its all for nothing.

Why is this percentage not good? You approach 9 girls and the 10th is a win. Why is it not worth it?

It gets depressing playing the texting game,

If this is hard, make it simple. Use text only to schedule a date, keep it simple, there is no need to spend your day texting.

having to be funny when you aren't, or playful when you're serious.

Do you think a clown is always happy? He plays a role, he has to look happy and he has to do what he has to do, otherwise he gets fired. If you are trying to find the perfect opportunity to talk to a girl when you think you are being maximum funny and playful... well... it will never happen - there is no perfect moment. However, if you are still looking for a perfect moment, then it is said that the perfect moment is when you see an approachable girl (if there is an eye-contact take it as the GO signal), so take the opportunity and talk to her until it is not too late.

albinopolarbearr · 2024-11-25T21:19:13+00:00

It’s never all for nothing. Even if you “fail” an approach and it goes nowhere, you gained experience and did something that most likely made you very nervous.

Like a lot of guys on here you’re thinking about it too deeply. Talking to people should not be stressful, I understand how it can be, we’ve all been there, but the only way to get over that is to keep trying, and with experience it’ll become less stressful.

Think about those guys that build high rise buildings, you think they were completely carefree the first time they were up that high with no harness? They were shitting a brick, but with time comes experience and with experience they can sit on a beam unharnessed eating lunch 850 feet in the air. But that didn’t happen overnight.

What I’m saying is you need to just get out there and go for it. You can’t get better at anything without putting in consistent effort, once you do this the results will start to come, but like I said it doesn’t happen overnight.

This comment is already long enough but I want to also share a story from one of the first ever night game approaches i had. I was out on a stag in Scotland, and convinced myself I’d take the opportunity to conquer my fear of speaking to women, I had nothing to lose because I’d never see any of these women again, so why not?

Anyway the first girl I approached it went horribly, I mean it was the worst possible approach you could imagine, I went up with my tail between my legs and shyly asked her name and put my hand out to shake. She obviously was not into it, dismissed me without even shaking my hand. I walked off a changed man. Yeah it went terribly, but I did it. I conquered the fear of social interaction.

With a new found confidence in my ability to approach a random person, I did it again. I asked a girl if the seat beside her was taken, she was immediately receptive, we got chatting and ended up having a great time together for a few hours.

That wasn’t even a year ago, I still shit myself before approaching women, but I don’t let it stop me, and everytime i get over that fear it becomes smaller. I can only hope someday I won’t get nervous at all, but that will only come in time. Practice makes perfect.

appolonysian · 2024-11-25T21:29:21+00:00

Turn it into an experiment and gain enjoyment from watching yourself progress. Don’t fixate on the end goal.

Ok_Spring_4087 · 2024-11-25T22:26:44+00:00

I'd try to find single friends first to go out with. Support helps tremendously!

Private_Capital1 · 2024-11-25T22:43:23+00:00

4 words pal.

Bro up, fuck hookers.

It's the end of this road anyway, if you listen to the very greats like Dan Bilzerian etc. they all say the same thing, there is zero overlap between male passions and female passions, so they use fame to bang girls while spending time with the boys

Spending money for hookers seems like it's remotely distant from using the fame to get girls, but it's basically how famous people operated too before social media for example when they were outside of their area of fame (for example actors when they traveled outside Los Angeles).

Many still do because they don't want to be screenshoted in the DMs

weaster43 · 2024-11-25T23:16:43+00:00

„The fact that it is so easy for some guys. The fact that for other guys, you have to go out and approach groups of women in bars and 90% of the time it’s all for nothing.“

Approaching can feel frustrating and pointless when you’re not seeing the results you want, especially when you’re comparing yourself to others who seem to have it easy. But chances are those guys may have started from where you are now and worked hard to get better.

Instead of focusing on the outcome, try shifting your perspective. Every approach is practice, and every experience teaches you something. If you’re evaluating what went right and where‘s room for improvement, then no interaction is wasted.

„I just want to get laid, or find love. One or the other. Of course, I’m bitter because I recently got out of a LTR and she’s with another guy.“

I understand you’re bitter after coming out of an LTR. But your mindset here really matters. If you‘re only craving sexual validation, it’s easy to come across as needy. Instead, focus on standing your ground and being curious about whether someone is actually interesting and fun, rather than judging them entirely based on looks.

„I’m a normal guy, but this shit is so stressful to me, it isn’t fun, yet it seems like an absolute necessity to be successful at all in dating.“

Sounds like you’re prioritising dating too much and therefore putting a lot of pressure on succeeding, this makes dating feel like a chore rather than something to enjoy.

You don’t always have to be in the perfect mood to connect with others. Trying to force yourself into a mood is exhausting and draining. Instead, focus on being authentic. If you’re serious, that’s okay. Humor and playfulness are great tools, but they work best when they come naturally.

Enjoying the process starts with lowering the stakes and shifting your mindset. If you see every interaction as a test of your worth, it’s going to feel stressful. But if you approach dating as an opportunity to learn about yourself and connect with others, it becomes less about winning and more about the experience.

KoleSekor · 2024-11-25T23:39:50+00:00

You're going to need to be simultaneously totally content/happy with your life/yourself independent of anyone or anything else... and also show enthusiasm toward the woman you're approaching.

All that to say, if you can't demonstrate those two things, you need a coach (cheaper, more pragmatic and results-based) or a therapist (more expensive and theoretical) to work through your issues.

Title	How to enjoy this stuff?
Author	DungusIII
Upvotes	16
Comments	24
Date	November 25, 2024 9:02 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1gztsxn/how_to_enjoy_this_stuff/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-enjoy-this-stuff.1536863 https://theredarchive.com/post/1536863

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