Pursue without “chasing”?

Bright_Type_7756 · 2025-01-31T20:09:35+00:00

It's really just another way of saying show interest but don't be needy

SnooHesitations4922 · 2025-01-31T19:51:53+00:00

When you maintain outcome independence you are pursuing.

When you are more interested in the girl than she is in you, and you are attached to the outcome: you are chasing.

throwaway193867234 · 2025-02-01T05:51:57+00:00

Chasing is when someone is trying to get away from you, yet you're still after them. Like, say a woman is mildly turned off by you yet you keep trying her - this is chasing.

Pursuing is when they either don't mind, or they want you to come after them - some women (and men) like the pursuit; it's a classic part of romance that our societies have have written and spoken about for centuries. One example would be a woman who is neutral towards you, but you can see that she's slowly warming up.

Cookies993 · 2025-01-31T19:48:58+00:00

My take on it is to be confident and show interest, but if she doesn’t reciprocate then don’t chase. Showing interest goes way before asking her out, and asking her out should never be done before she has shown enough interest in you.

Think of pursuing as two people moving towards each other, where the man is taking the initiative. And chasing is the man following her while she is moving away.

DaygameCode · 2025-01-31T23:18:34+00:00

Pursuing means showing interest; taking initiative and making moves with self-respect and confidence. You are moving things forward but also evaluating whether she is worth the investment always willing to walk away and mean it if she isn’t receptive. Never clinging to her for some mild hope just because she is the only one who gave you some attention.

Chasing means over investing without reciprocation, double texting her when she is leaving you on read or ignoring your texts, trying to prove your worth or trying to impress her, trying to win her over in an effort to convince her to like you, or insisting when she is not collaborating or showing equivalent interest in making things work.

Pursuing is mutual, chasing is unilateral

Dandys3107 · 2025-02-01T10:16:33+00:00

I guess chasing would be about putting much effort into getting closer to someone that is desperately trying to run away or take distance. Don't do that, make your moves, but stay aware of the potentially lost case. Remember that your judgment may be heavily distorted by hormonal high and better match may be just around a corner. It's not worth to put your feelings, effort, time, resources into risky bet, when you eventually get confronted with harsh reality, it will hurt. Women are not too concerned about your emotional downfall and they can lead you by the nose for a long time to postpone bitter confrontation or make some use of you.

Wing_Inevitable · 2025-01-31T21:48:49+00:00

Pursue without “chasing”?

Nuance. It is just a narrow behaviour pattern.

Like the middle between them.

I will give you an example:

“Do you want to go on a date?” - would be chasing

“Let’s go on a date ?” Is a middle ground where it depends on how you ask it.

“Monday , mojitos , 8 pm !” - would be pursuing without chasing.

See how that works.

I hear this get repeated a lot but never really understood it.

Cuz it is a narrow behaviour and no one stud there explaining nuance for 15 min.

It really isn’t your faugh.

How do you ask someone out then isnt that “chasing”?

I accidentally gave you the answer.

How about this I will teach you how to do it:

So that is a 2 part filter. Pursuing - means moving things along . And Chasing - means positioning yourself as lesser. (There are better versions of this filter BTW)

So you apply both filters -

By asking yourself the relevant questions :

1 Is this moving things forward? (Should be yes)

2 Is it positioning me as lesser ? (Should be NO)

If both have the correct answer you have successfully applied the filter.

I would suggest some practice at home. So you get how to do it faster.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-01-31T21:37:55+00:00

Oh boy. It’s about your vibe and and about what you communicate to the woman verbally.

Just for the record: “pursuing” and “chasing” are the same thing. They both mean that one person wants it more and is trying to convince the other person or court them in order to get them more interested.

You can absolutely approach and ask out without chasing. Here is how it’s done.

Step 1:

Be clear about who you are. Before you even step out of the house, take note book or put it in Word. Write down who you think you are. What you like, what you dislike, what your values are, what you will stand for and what you will not tolerate. The more particular and rigid you are, the better. A lot of men labor under the false idea that being flexible and bendable is a good trait. But it couldn’t be further from the truth. You have to be unswayable. You have to stand for something bigger than you and stick to it.

Step 2:

Once you have the above figured out, do a similar exercise for women/relationships. What kind of relationship do you want to have? Lots ONs? FWBs? A harem? One girlfriend? Figure it out. Based on that, future out what criteria you will have for women that are NOT looks, body, race, hair type, etc. Maybe you want a spontaneous, sexually adventurous woman. Maybe you want a wifey type. Be specific. Make a list and stick to it. This list will become your selection/screening check list.

Step 3.

Change how you see women. Don’t look at a woman and decide then and there that you want her and you need to win her over. A man who lets himself be pursued will let himself be kind of attracted by a woman, but will remain skeptical if she is worthy of him, his time and his criteria list. Women should never be someone you want at all costs, and they should always be someone who has the potential of being a candidate for being with you.

Step 4.

Resolve that you will turn down any woman who doesn’t meet your must have criteria, who shows you any signs of disrespect or who wants you to chase her. You need to be brutal with this.

Step 5.

How you conduct yourself. Always be calm. Don’t drink too much coffee. Breathe deeply and relax your muscles.Always behave like beauty does not affect you. Practice looking at pictures of super hot scantily clad women and regulate your breathing and relaxation. In real life do not stare, do not turn your head, do not catcall, do not look at her breasts or ass. You can glance briefly and check her out up and down in a respectful way. When you approach a woman you might be interested in, discard all notions of trying to impress her, trying to say something funny, puff yourself up, etc. Your only goal is to find out if you might become interested in her. It is best to behave like you are not all that attracted to her, but a little attracted (don’t act like a jackass nor like a horny 15 year old).

Step 6.

The whole structure of an interaction with a woman is to keep pulling away from her. Do the things women do to you but do them first. You can roll up to a woman and say “hey, how’s your Friday going?” Something very simple and non-chalant but clearly not hitting on them. You can even say “relax, I’m not hitting on you, just making friends”. Like you are speaking to an old friend and not someone you are trying to get. After a bit of conversation, you can say something like this, look her in the eyes and say: “so….is there anything I should know about you, other than that you like to pick up innocent guys at the bar?”

Expect that she will protest and call you a liar. At this point you can tease her about it, and say “oh, maybe I misread your intentions. Most women just treat me like a sexy piece of meat, always hitting on me, trying to feel me up. It’s sooooo tiring, thank god you are different.”

If she says something silly, look at her and give her the “what you talking about, Willis?” look. All the time you should be probing her to see if she meets your criteria. If you want a spontaneous girl, ask her what is the wildest thing she’s done. If she says she’s a boring, sit at home with her cats, type of girl, you should say “yeah, that’s not gonna work out for me. I’m looking for some a little less..inhibited”.

Look at her cha he her demeanor once you start pulling away. That’s when they start chasing you. If you show willingness to walk away from her because she said something stupid or slightly patronizing, or just because she might not fit your ideal girl, they will panic and realize you are not like the other guys. That’s when they start courting you. Commenting you, trying to find out what you like, sometimes propositioning you then and there.

Remember, the key principle is to pull away until she rapes you.

hunterpua · 2025-02-01T04:12:23+00:00

Pursue is still bad. You don't want to pursue, you don't want to chase. You want to SEDUCE.

Seduction is not about showing how much you want the other person and trying to make it past her resistance. Its about making them want you.

It's about enticing and tempting them to sleep with you.

You don't show her interest for the purpose of making her aware that you're into her, you show interest at the right times to tease her.

Imagine a girl winking at you but either carrying on walking or just looking away and going back to minding her own business.

She's showing you interest but she sure as hell isn't pursuing. She did that to entice you to pursue her. That's seduction.

The way I seduce women feels like I'm friendzoning them.

I open with small talk, never saying I wanted to meet them or take them on a date or that they're beautiful or anything like that.

I mess with them and challenge them a lot.

I get them to prove themselves to me and make them feel good about themselves when they put in a lot of effort to do so.

And only if they do prove themselves to me enough do I invite them, not on a date, but to something social I already have planned with me, my friends, and a bunch of other girls I also approached or met online.

And when we're all hanging out I flirt with all of them openly, so they all see me doing it to everyone, which takes away any certainty they might have had that I was actually into them and now it's all just a big tease, but that's what makes them want you.

I'm also continuing to make them feel good about proving themselves to me and for working hard to get and keep my attention.

And then from there, I just choose the one I want to sleep with for the night, quietly make plans with her, and separate from the group.

Basic-Parfait3122 · 2025-02-01T16:49:53+00:00

If she turns you down once, never ask again.

Loud_Contract_689 · 2025-01-31T20:01:45+00:00

I think it's just guy copium. "I'm not chasing, I'm pursuing." (Nerd Emote)

EnvironmentalHome296 · 2025-01-31T20:55:43+00:00

It is hard to describe but you can sense it yourself when interacting with a person if you are being honest with yourself - usually you are attached to a certain outcome (it can be when you are seeking for validation when interacting with a hiring manager or a girl that you like) l.

Basically as you are “chasing”, you are basically doing something with a certain outcome in mind, which makes your interaction appear as non authentic.

Title	Pursue without “chasing”?
Author	justaydogg
Upvotes	12
Comments	20
Date	January 31, 2025 7:31 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ien3mw/pursue_without_chasing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/pursue-without-chasing.1542665 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542665

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