What the hell do you talk about on the first date?

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-04-06T16:49:33+00:00

You are on the right path to make an attempt to screen on the first date to decide whether or not you'd like a second date. I would not personally bring up overly controversial topics like politics on a first date. And asking about views on marriage on a first date is a little much. These are all things you will want to know if you go further into your journey, though.

Talk to people, both men and women, as regularly as you can. Immerse yourself in the presence of others both in group settings and in isolation. Start doing this more to the point where chit chatting just feels like normal everyday activity to you. And obviously begin to chat more with women you may find attractive. Lower your anxiety through practice. Don't have scripted material; just learn to adapt and pick up on how conversations tend to flow or fizzle out.

Be a good listener and talk to her about both things you enjoy and things that you can sense she enjoys. Also note the things she dislikes as this could be a red flag. Don't ignore glaring red flags early on like if she treats servers in a restaurant badly, talks with anger about anyone behind their back, or gets mad/snaps over a very mundane issue. I like to ask about family to subtly screen for issues like borderline; women who have poor relationships with family often have cluster B type disorders.

Each conversation will have threads that you can expand on or go in a side quest direction, or simply change topics if you feel like it. Don't overthink it. Have a conversation based on genuine curiosity; don't just tell her what she wants to hear or what you think would be "the best tactic" for dating. Be a normal human being and use these moments to get to know her and she can get to know you.

tynolie · 2025-04-06T16:37:19+00:00

Personally, I dont go into a first date trying to ask questions and "get to know" the person. I usually just focus on having fun and building attraction, seeing if we vibe in a playful way, whether we can bounce banter off each other well, etc.

This keeps the mood light and the conversation flowing naturally to different topics instead of "what do you do for fun?" "OK next questions, do you want kids?". That shit makes a date feel like an interview, especially since most of the answers to the questions you brought up can be implied or introduced naturally through yalls conversation.

But then again, I date casually and noncommittal(unless we really end up clicking). So maybe my advice wouldn't apply to one trying to date with serious intentions from the jump on thr first date.

Affectionate-Ant4888 · 2025-04-06T18:02:21+00:00

those are lame interview questions lmao ; no dude no ; go to the books read books on this shit ; the old ones; a different version of those questions is fine but way later in the interaction when she is showing you interest ;

epimpstyle · 2025-04-06T22:10:07+00:00

it is 90 percent awkward silence and me trying to think of something to say.

You need stories like a stand up comedian, not questions like a police officer.

If you know you are not good at talking, wear some props that will help you talk. I paint my pinky nail black and if there is a moment of silence, I stretch out my arm and let them see my finger - a conversation arises. I also have a bracelet on my right hand; when I see that I am running out of things to say, I loosen the knot and then ask her to help me tie the knot. The bracelet has a skull on it and then I ask her if she has a tattoo with a skull like my bracelet - now another interesting conversation starts about tattoos, piercings, rock, music, live festivals, travel/holidays. I have some routines/gambits that help me during the conversation: "Hey, I saw your ring/bracelet/necklace... it reminds me of... [insert funny story]..." See? Just these 3-4 simple things will help you in the first 5 minutes of your date.

BTW, if she notices that you are optimistic, funny, playful, she will be the same, soon she will start talking and then the effect will appear where she will talk about 80% of the time and you will just have to listen to her. Until that happens, you are the one who has to talk 80% of the time.

I forgot to mention that if we run out of topics to talk about and there's silence for 20-30 seconds, I break the silence by suddenly grabbing her arm, shaking it, and loudly saying, 'Don't scare!' I deliberately say it that way to startle her. The monotony is broken, and most of the time, I end up getting a punch on my shoulder. If this happens there is another routine/gambit: "hey, you are so strong, are you a weight lifter/pro fighter? ... [her reply: no I don't like sports bla bla bla] - this way you get an answer to the number three question: "Do you like sports?". It is more dynamic and playful the way I said instead of asking a question.

Neil Straus said that everything that was funny in 7th grade is still funny as an adult (and I'm almost 47) so don't be afraid to make such silly things.

celestemorgulis · 2025-04-06T17:14:16+00:00

Practice talking to people to improve social skills does makes it easier. What questions would you like people to ask you to get to know you more? Some topics I could recommend besides the ones you listed: Hobbies, Special interests, humor, what’s the last thing they learned, read, watched? What’s something that they can’t stop thinking about? What’s something you want to do, learn, unlearn, create, change? Doing more research on how to connect with people- there is a lot of information/resources for shy people out there, prepping and practice at home with all these ideas can help you improve the flow. Sometimes some silence is okay and can be comfortable because a first date is nerve wracking for both. It helped me when I focused on having a good time and not focusing on the outcome. Connecting with another human being has value even if it is only for a short time, and this experience of connecting will help you find a long term relationship in my opinion

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-04-06T17:27:46+00:00

Those questions are interview-style ones like the ones media use to interview celebrities or HR dept interviews potential employees. You could use a few of them but maybe only for openers. Otherwise you’d come across an awkward/rigid guy who treat women like aliens from another planet.

The fundamental principle about a date or even a relationship is to build a connection. Those questions are only good to “know more about you”, but they are not good to build a connection. Hence there’s no sparks or chemistry.

esimpstyle · 2025-04-06T17:41:18+00:00

How early you both can leave because it was a waste. Ie. The chemistry was obviously horrible so you end the date and act like it never happened!

Affectionate-Ant4888 · 2025-04-06T18:01:19+00:00

you perform the cube routine lol

Far-End470 · 2025-04-06T19:11:03+00:00

For the first date, do something action oriented. Like rock climb, painting, water park. You don’t want the first date to be a sit down boring interview, so give her something fun.

Rude_Public721 · 2025-04-06T20:25:39+00:00

Wrong approach dude. I’ll tell you what works for me. It’s all about framing. You want to do 20% of the talking. Ask open ended questions (questions that can lead anywhere), tease, escalate. When I’m with a girl I ask questions to get to know them and what they like, then I’ll tease them, then they’ll tease back and we can escalate from there.

Ex: Me: So what are you studying/do for work? Them: im a realtor Me: Do you like it? (Almost no one I know likes work/school) Them: They say a weak yeah Me: bullshit haha you hesitated Them: (blush) no it’s not that it’s just hard, and xyz Me: well i tell you what, from now on you’ll be the only realtor I work with (then to start touching I’ll pinky promise them) Them: so what do you do Me: I’m a male stripper at magic city (or) I’m an only fans model Them: are you serious?? Me: idk, do you want me to be haha Them: you’re so annoying… Me: yeah yeah, get over here (throw my arm around them and start to throw on a movie).

Another huge part about it is where are the dates occurring? I like to do dates where, you can build slight rapport then be a little physical. So example, coffee + walk in park for morning or ice cream and bowling for evening. I prefer evening dates so you can close. When it comes to escalation if you don’t know how to escalate just ask. Would you like to kiss me? (Before I do this, I’ll look into their eyes then at their lips and back into their eyes, if they look at my lips I know I have the green light and I just place my hand on their cheek and go in. If I can’t tell I’ll ask the question). When you’re in person on the first date your goal is to have fun, not find a wife. The reason these women are rejecting you after is because you’re essentially trying to convince them to read a book but you’re skipping to the last 3 chapters. Women want adventure and mystery (hence why I do only avoid 20% of the talking and when a women ask me a serious question I will playfully answer and ask her another question back). When a girl is laughing with you all night and says I feel like I don’t know anything about you but she’s smiling and looking into your eyes as she says it you know you’ve got her.

Now 100% get to know her and see if she’s a good candidate but do it in a more subtle way. My favorite questions to ask for this are:

-Who are you closer to your mom or dad? (If they say one more than the other without hesitation they probably have childhood trauma). -What do you like to do for fun? (If they say anything about partying, smoking or drinking I disqualify them from dating category). -What’s the goal, what would Sara do with her life if she could do whatever she wants. (If she doesn’t know or says something lazy I know she may be less ambitious than others, not necessarily bad but I note it). -Are you a family person (if she’s not and you are… you can see the disconnect).

Hope this post helps!

aqbee · 2025-04-06T22:20:31+00:00

Let it flow naturally. If you go in with a fixed idea of what to say, it will come across as very rigid and not personable. Rather let the conversation progress organically, read her body language and react accordingly. If it doesn’t come naturally to you, then it will take practice. If you can’t practice with a girl, practice with a male friend. Go in there with a mindset of being genuinely interested and curious about her, and the questions and follow-up questions will flow naturally.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-04-07T06:34:11+00:00

Those are horrible questions to ask. It seems like you have terrible verbal skills, something women will not forgive you for. See my post on flirting and verbal techniques. Those will cure your problem, after you have solved those, your next problem will be escalation, I also have a post on the basics of escalation.

What I would do is implement the core four techniques, cold reading, disqualification, qualification and storytelling. Practice this going about your day doing these techniques on objects or the things you see around you. After that you have to use those technqiues within the context of flirting principles.

Virtual_Ad_4817 · 2025-04-07T16:02:47+00:00

Stop trying to filter yourself. You're not expected to "perform." You don't need pre-planned questions. If you were talking to your dad, you probably wouldn't think twice about what to say in a conversation.

You're looking for someone who meshes with your authentic personality. If you have guards up and only say pre-planned things, you'll never even give yourself the opportunity to do that.

There's a natural, authentic version of you that you display when talking to people you know well. Do that. Depending on what your goals are, you can add in flirting and sexual innuendos. But for where it seems like you're at right now, just work on your authentic personality shining through and showing the girl the connections your brain makes. Girls love to see that.

believenowomen · 2025-04-07T19:31:05+00:00

literally talk about some dumb shit and try to make humour out of the topics, when ur anxious, stiff and self conscious she's gonna mirror u and feel the same way, so when ur comfortable talking bout that dumb stuff that's kinda fun and interesting, it takes the edge off of things, don't try to rehearse the shit these guys are saying, it's hard to memorise nd ur gna look worse. also, use the push - pull method

FKaria · 2025-04-06T16:54:14+00:00

Those are all pretty bad questions. What you want to do is ask open ended questions about herself. What are her hobbies, her passions, her work. What was her childhood like. What shows does she binge watch?

Your intention when asking questions is:

Show interest about her. You want to know what are the things that drive her, and that she's passionate about. You want to connect in some way by relating to those passions with similar passions of your own, even if the specifics are totally different, as long as you share similar feelings, that's what you want.
Get her to open up about specific past emotions or experiences. And the same here. You want to relate to her with similar past experiences and emotions of your own. "What's the craziest thing you've ever done" types of questions are good in between the get to know you questions.
Do not judge her for anything she says, no matter how dumb or unrelatable you find it. If she loves reality TV shows, try to honestly figure out what's so amazing about reality TV that you've been missing all your life.
Do not talk about what she's looking on the app, relationship potential, preference in men, marriage, kids or anything that indicates that you're invested in her or trying to lock her down. That's her job. Do not try to lock women down.
Do not talk about irrelevant stuff like politics, religion, news, etc. This shit shouldn't matter to you neither to her.
Do not talk about negative topics like past relationships. That time someone dumped you. How much you hate your job. That you're still sad your mummy didn't buy you a Nintendo for Christmas, etc.

The key points here:

You drive the conversation. You ask questions and let her do most of the talking.
You want to elicit positive and/or exciting emotional responses.
You want to relate to her feelings with similar stories and experiences of your own.
Do not judge her for any reason.
No talking about yourself unless she asks. If she asks it's a good sign, it means she's interested. Keep your answer short and turn it back to her.
No talking about sad or boring topics. Again, you control the conversation.

Title	What the hell do you talk about on the first date?
Author	kpay10
Upvotes	1
Comments	41
Date	April 6, 2025 4:21 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1jsxwy8/what_the_hell_do_you_talk_about_on_the_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-the-hell-do-you-talk-about-on-the-first-date.1548749 https://theredarchive.com/post/1548749

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