What do you wish your lawyer told you during your divorce?

quantum7066 · 2025-05-22T04:03:53+00:00

The right question to ask is What do you wish you knew about the lawyer before you hired one during your divorce?

Sea_Employment4100 · 2025-05-21T03:06:39+00:00

The person you married is not the person divorcing you.

Personal_Signal_6151 · 2025-05-19T20:27:18+00:00

I think part of "father of the year" is choosing activities that build a verifiable track record of involvement and parental care in your child's life.

If you are the one at the doctor's, it shows you are not negligent. If you coach an activity, you are on the schedule and other parents observe you bring a good human .

Compare this to important but private things like cooking together at home. Worthwhile but the lack of witnesses makes it less valuable in court.

I have dealt with parents who will look me in the eye and state that the child cannot stand to be in the same room with the other parent. How is this refuted? All thise activities with adult witnesses. If chef parent says "but we cook together," the other might claim you cook while child hides in fear under the bed.

.

regertsrus · 2025-05-19T02:57:10+00:00

That the best way to escallate in court (its a business and they all want your money) is to gag you. To make you fear telling your kids the truth. While the X wife can lie in sworn affidavits with impunity, you are supposed to fear telling your kids that a child lawyer is going to interview them. This is how court maintains control (fear) and this is one of many ways these parasites escallate this proccess into hundreds of thousands of dollars spent. All the while proclaiming "in the best interest of the kids" and "child support is for the kids". This system is a farce. The sooner you understand that the sooner you can learn this game of pathological chess.

mesi130 · 2025-05-19T01:31:14+00:00

That it’s a long process

Reflog1791 · 2025-05-18T05:25:04+00:00

This is why I recommend consulting with ten lawyers. Not even joking. Put in the time, get better at asking questions. I had a consult that cost $400. Dude gave me 50 tips that were epic. Told me how to spend my money on myself during separation and not even get close to dissipation lol I dropped like $20k and set up my new life most excellent. On a particularly squirrelly issue one of his lines was, “never mention this outside this room.”

His last words were, “you can’t afford me, good luck.”

maudthings21 · 2025-05-18T03:17:02+00:00

Be fair - but that means to yourself also, not just to your partner. Use logic to make decisions, not emotion.

SeaweedWeird7705 · 2025-05-18T01:06:20+00:00

Mediation is only effective if both parties are willing to be reasonable and compromise. If not, it is a waste of time and money.

stpetesouza · 2025-05-17T19:28:18+00:00

When you go to mediation you should bring your lawyer, so it will cost more initially. If contentious then you will have 2 lawyers haggling while they and the mediator all get paid. We had our mutually trusted financial planner mediate and since he knew us he could apply common sense so we didn't have to sell assets then divide. She took the cash and I got the house, my lawyer was glad for me but I don't think hers was.

Thebadmamajama · 2025-05-17T18:04:53+00:00

lawyer told me less than 10% of divorces eggs in mediation, at least in his experience.

generally what they won't tell you is to pick your battles. they will happily collect fees for anything and everything. best thing is to take some losses and avoid massive bills fighting for someone the court isn't going to give you

Helpful-Paramedic463 · 2025-05-17T13:53:06+00:00

I really feel getting a lawyer is a bit like playing Russian roulette. Gotta remember, just like any profession, there's competent lawyers and not so competent lawyers.

What I wish my lawyer would have told me from the start was how alimony works in respect to when it can stop. If she gets married or if she cohabitates with a dude for a year then we can stop alimony.

That's really my only complaint. Other than that my lawyer has been outstanding.

nightwillalwayswin · 2025-05-17T13:51:39+00:00

Don’t use me as your therapist.

Work out whatever you ca.n directly with your ex. If that can’t be done, communicate with them as little as possible and focus on the next step…finalizing it.

The goal should always be to finalize it ASAP. (That is why that lawyer didn’t mention mediation). The longer it is, the more you fight, the more it costs.

Just go by what the law says and take your medicine. Fighting over the small stuff or what you think is right is stupid.

If your ex is unreasonable and won’t go by what the law says, don’t try to reason with them back and forth with the lawyers. Just go straight to mediation and/or judge. It will cost you more in the long run going back and forth via the lawyers only to stale mate and need a mediator / judge anyways. I will tell you “court will be $10 K and who knows what a Judge will do.” when in reality dragging it out will cost you way more money and you’ll probably get the same outcome … what the law says.

The judges goal is to get cases off the docket. They have seen it all and will usually go exactly by what the book says. You’ll have a few hours to present your case. All of the details you think that matter don’t (of course you spent a ton of money for me to work on these details)

After the divorce, most of what you think is a big deal during divorce doesn’t matter. Enforcing what you agree to in the settlement and decree requires more civil court time and money to enforce if they don’t do it. It becomes “is the juice worth the squeeze”.

People are usually their own worst enemy during and after divorce.

Divorce won’t make your ex change, unless they want to. Manage your expectations and focus on yourself. Your life is not over, even if you lost everything. Only you can find your happiness. Focus on reaching a level of indifference towards your ex and the situation. Life is not fair but it is also what you make it at the same time.

Title	What do you wish your lawyer told you during your divorce?
Author	Personal_Signal_6151
Upvotes	25
Comments	18
Date	May 17, 2025 1:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1kosi73/what_do_you_wish_your_lawyer_told_you_during_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/what-do-you-wish-your-lawyer-told-you-during-your.1552406 https://theredarchive.com/post/1552406

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