9328 days from us saying "I do." to the judge saying "You don't."

Icerunner45 · 2025-06-03T06:44:12+00:00

Idk, I don’t agree with this. Divorce should not be the answer. The answer is for adults to be adults and stick to your vows. Peeling the onion even further back it’s about choosing the right person to have kids with in the first place.

If kids are growing up in a war zone, that’s your fault as immature parents.

Seabrook76 · 2025-06-03T01:11:45+00:00

I needed to read this. Thank you.

Odd-Yoghurt1869 · 2025-06-02T17:21:39+00:00

I'd like to agree, sanctimoniously, that the ex "deserves" it too, but she did not choose peace. She chose war, strife and an overall disagreeable disposition. And this shitty attitude also took my kids 1/2 the time now.

I have cognitive dissonance because I want to say "fuck her", but my two boys are with her 1/2 the time, so how about this, this is actually a time I can say "fuck her, 1/2 the time"?

And yes, my house may get lonely 1/2 the time, and overwhelmingly busy the other 1/2, but there is peace in my house. And THAT has no price tag on it.

MasonBlake_ · 2025-06-02T16:54:46+00:00

Respect for calling it how it is. But here's the part that doesn't get said enough...divorce doesn’t fix the dysfunction...it just shifts the battlefield.

Most guys walk out thinking the chaos is over...then get steamrolled in court, lose frame, and have no system to lead themselves or their kids. That’s how the cycle keeps going...not just by staying in a bad marriage, but by walking out without a plan.

Leaving might be necessary...but rebuilding takes more than just walking away. You need structure. You need clarity. Otherwise you're just reacting to the next fire...

Zealousideal_Try_864 · 2025-06-02T16:41:21+00:00

My problem was that I didn't realize how toxic it was.

My household is now a happy one.

I'm sure she still thinks it's all my fault. Luckily she can think whatever she wants to and I don't have to listen to it More importantly, neither does our child....at least when they are with me.

Exactly65536 · 2025-06-02T14:52:01+00:00

>Happy households are real.

Happy households exist, that's true, but they are temporary. Yours was happy for 1500 days, if I calculated correctly. Mine was happy in my first marriage, for about 2 years. Second lasted longer, I'd say it's been happy for good 5 years.

Every couple has a grace period. Beyond that... well, I wouldn't say "nobody is happily married", there are 8 billions of humans and I'm sure some might have succeeded, but look around, can you find a lot of long married people who don't wish now and again they didn't say "I do"?

>You deserve one.

People do not get what they deserve.

BlueGoosePond · 2025-06-02T14:42:44+00:00

As hard as the divorce has been on me (and her), I cannot deny the additional peace and stability our son gets to have.

In our case, continuing to live together "for the kids" would indeed have done more harm than good I think.

warwww · 2025-06-02T14:31:03+00:00

I don’t know man, I tend to disagree a bit here. I’m on the side of vows and commitment.

Granted there are situations where things are untenable.

I would have still preferred my father in the house with me as opposed to strange men who were there for one reason.

It’s often said that kids and a hostile environment is toxic for them, while true it often boils down to two adults who’s ego, held on resentment and need to be right or a victim are what leads to this chasm.

Imagine me teaching my son that his happiness comes first and that whenever he feels miserable or uncomfortable to bail - good gosh. These things can be taught alongside having some level of stickability and self respect.

Find that balance. If my happiness came first it’d be a breeze to leave the kids with their mom and go and live my best rockstar life.

Slowloris81 · 2025-06-02T14:24:52+00:00

Well said. Thanks for the perspective. I’m a younger dude and I can attest to this.

I filed for divorce when my kids were very young. It’s been 3 years. Now the kids are thriving because they are supported by two happier households (at least my home is a happy, safe space and though I can’t speak for my ex, the environment seems better than before).

Obviously still challenges but they pale in comparison to those before. We can’t lose sight that inaction has costs too. Yeah, it’s scary, but do what’s right for you and your kids and don’t let fear hold you back.

fewdo · 2025-06-02T14:24:42+00:00

As a bonus, the few days I get to see the kids, I'm actually allowed to be a dad. It feels like I get more and better time with them now. I still wish I could tUck them in every night but... The peace is golden

Naughtaclue242 · 2025-06-02T14:14:25+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9J8ccza1OI

Title	9328 days from us saying "I do." to the judge saying "You don't."
Author	Naughtaclue242
Upvotes	67
Comments	40
Date	June 2, 2025 1:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1l1ilzb/9328_days_from_us_saying_i_do_to_the_judge_saying/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/9328-days-from-us-saying-i-do-to-the-judge-saying.1553715 https://theredarchive.com/post/1553715

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