Nearing 30's; I feel my space is not good enough for women my age

HistorianOk2573 · 2025-06-21T17:32:29+00:00

Your mistake is trying to justify yourself to them. When a woman tests you on something, you cannot act defensive, apologetic, or justify yourself or convince her with logic.

You are buying into the frame that you need to convince her that you are good enough for her so that she chooses you, when you should always be the one evaluating her on whether she deserves to have the experience that you may give her if she deserves it.

So when a woman starts testing you by judging you or comparing to things, your reponse shouldn't be "well, it's enough for me" or anything logical. You also shoud not show hesitation when answering or doubt yoruself even for one second. Show that you don't need someone else's permission to live life on your own terms but without sounding butthurt, resentful, defensive, argumentative, upset,...

If a girl asked me "Shouldn't you have a bigger place by now?". Since i don't need anything from her at all, what I would say without hesitating or second guessing myself:

"You are lucky I couldn't find one smaller*" (Agree and amplify)*

"Aaah :) women always thinking about size" (Flip the roles)

"We barely know each other and you are already thinking about size ;)" (Flip the roles)

What you are doing with these is show that you don't need to defend yourself, or convince her, and instead you either reafirm yoruself in your choice by doubling down, (first example), or you make her feel with your sense of humor to create laughter (second example) or a little bit of sexual tension unexpectedly (third example).

Overall you also show that you are not gonna try to change her mind or try to fit into her life by molding your life to fit into her expectations. It's a way to say "take it or leave it" but without sounding annoyed, resentful, cold and with enough sense of humor that she stops being so rational and evaluative with you.

Khower · 2025-06-21T17:17:55+00:00

Think the problem is youre attracting the wrong kind of woman. Im 30M and my place is nothing crazy. But its home and ive never had a single issue

My buddy is 37 and he's in a complete shit box inlaw setup because its super cheap and he has no reason to move. He has no issues pulling women and he has a good job and has over 100k liquid cash assets.

Also. I checked your profile and your gaming choices are wonderful, we should be friends lol.

JackSquirts · 2025-06-21T15:55:50+00:00

You're probably way more worried about it than they are, dude.

Vespura · 2025-06-22T06:34:08+00:00

Something tells me it’s something more than just the place. I’m 30 years old, living with my mom, and I’ve never had an issue getting laid - even at my place. I’m currently dating a wonderful girl and she is a solid 10. She doesn’t care about my situation like that, she only cares about who I am as a person. Granted, in building a life together, she doesn’t want to live with my mom, and I don’t either. But my point is, chicks don’t really care as much as you think. Perhaps what they’re actually sensing is the amount of pressure you’re putting on yourself to impress them and prove your worth, which actually just makes you look desperate and has the opposite effect. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that definitively and with absolution, I could be way off base here, I’m just throwing out a possibility to reflect on.

Playful_Dot_537 · 2025-06-21T17:16:53+00:00

You need a big reframe here. They are not "judging" you. They are thinking about what it would be like to be with you long term. The one was who said "you should get something bigger" wasn't referring to you as a single man. She was projecting you as a man with a long term partner. Maybe her!

They are looking at you as a valuable person and looking at your living space aspirationally.

If they were judging you, they don't need to say a word. They are hinting at your potential.

And women marry men not just for what they have now, but for the potential they see in the man in the figure.

TL;DR they are sending you positive messages.

PMmeURSSN · 2025-06-21T16:04:33+00:00

Women usually want a man that’s better than them

Neither-Dare327 · 2025-06-21T15:30:21+00:00

Depends what you’re looking for. Women don’t “marry” down.

Valor0us · 2025-06-22T02:13:57+00:00

You can have a small apartment and have millions in the bank. You can have a Rolex and be drowning in debt.

IndependentMap4534 · 2025-06-21T23:07:51+00:00

Who cares what they think. It’s your home and if you find it cozy and safe then that’s all that matters.

TaxRepresentative787 · 2025-06-23T11:33:49+00:00

Why tf would you focus be dating 30yo runned down woman who obviously have problems and are single at that age lol

Minimum_Exchange_622 · 2025-06-22T05:47:28+00:00

I think I know whats going on here. My advice, bring her down if she is too high above flying in the skies, tell her you dont want a woman or at this case know any human being at all, that is measuring other by the things they own thats just way beneath you, tell her to the face so she can fucking blush and feel ashamed of herself and see if she level down from here or just gtfo cause it wouldn't be anything from it anyway if she starts those talks, the sooner you reap the weeds the better for you :)

SignificantFact6317 · 2025-06-21T16:45:50+00:00

You sound like you have enough money. Instead of chasing women, why can't you find a woman who is attracted to you (she might not be gorgeous) and settle down with her?

sophist16 · 2025-06-21T18:31:08+00:00

Get over yourself my man. If you’re acting like a victim when a woman says something like that to you, you have much bigger fish to fry then the size of your place.

Worth-Combination306 · 2025-06-21T19:08:13+00:00

My place is just as small. But as mentioned, they subconsciously judge. To over come this, you must display that you Can afford a house or condo but prefer not to. ‘You don’t want to pay for landscaping, cooling and heating empty rooms and property taxes and insurance’, as you would rather have that invested or start (another) business. Nice car(s), nice outings, nice job/career and paying/holding plenty of cash helps make it easy to overcome. Your attitude to/with money is also being judged.

aiwendil_brown · 2025-06-21T22:47:04+00:00

Just date younger, less accomplished chicks.

Tandare · 2025-06-21T15:28:03+00:00

If she cares about something like that, she probably isn't worth your time.

Earl_Thomas_ · 2025-06-21T17:47:21+00:00

You could get a new place. However, alternatively you might spend your money another way. Get on trips, get a vacation home, something like that. To what extent it matters, hard to tell.

BatBottleBank · 2025-06-21T18:44:16+00:00

Do you have a full head of hair?

bmcapers · 2025-06-21T19:50:56+00:00

Are there other reasons why you’d want a bigger place? If not, then continue managing your money as you are.

ShiftedWhite · 2025-06-22T05:11:37+00:00

Either you embrace it or you change it

macman7500 · 2025-06-22T07:05:26+00:00

The fact that you're considering getting a bigger or better place just so you can get women is the problem right there. It shouldn't matter

happyFatFIRE · 2025-06-22T11:08:35+00:00

You focus too much on materialistic values. Re-read your post. you are just talking about apartment, car and such things. What are you trying to show ofF?

COMPEWTER_adminisp · 2025-06-24T04:33:32+00:00

as long as you show that you have passion for something and you are moving towards something and that you have ambition there should be no problem, you can convey this through stories and stuff; that's all they care, but when it comes to the money thing, you should work on that too, try to get a promotion, study more go to night university or whatver bonus because you can meet women here too and try to make at least more than the average professional woman aim to be top ion your field or do entrepreneurship too, , it shouldn't be a problem but this is more related to status rather than others things, all in all don't get discouraged because one girl make those comments, deflect with humor but convert the idea that you are aiming for something more and actually believe it and do it LOL!

Suavedaddy5000 · 2025-06-24T08:45:49+00:00

I'm not trying to be insulting when I say this, you are projecting your insecurities on your dates.

You have to remember, there are people in worse circumstances than you that are older that still pull super models.

Man to man dude, build yourself up, find something you enjoy doing, nurture your happiness. Work on your shame factor too. I hope it gets better for you, with or without the advice on this reddit.

OkDrawing5069 · 2025-06-25T16:39:17+00:00

Comparison is the thief of joy

You do you bro, your story is your story, if they dont like it they know where the exit is. Never let anyone tell u how u gotta live, if it feels fine for u and youre happy thats all that matters.

SirDoogus · 2025-06-29T16:26:16+00:00

If she's into you she's into you, when I met my wife she was a district manager, had her own nice place, way out of my league. I was living in my car delivering pizzas.

Your spot won't turn away someone who is genuinely into you, but have no confidence in yourself while putting women on a simp pedestal sure as fuck will 👍

Lenovo_Driver · 2025-06-21T16:30:56+00:00

This is more of a financial decision than anything else.

Take the mindset you have and apply it to other aspects of life..

Why did you waste tons of money on a car when you could have taken the bus?

Why did you waste tons of money on an education when you could have worked part time?

The only reason staying in such a place that you’re clearly self conscious or insecure about makes sense is if you’re saving up for an eventual better place. If you’re just doing it to be cheap or frugal then I recommend you move out and live in a box on the side of the road to save money instead.

You’re at the age that people dating are soon looking to move in together. A place that’s small and just for you, isn’t conducive to that.

EquinosX · 2025-06-21T18:40:25+00:00

A studio apartment on the beach with beach front views is a lot different then a studio apartment in a low income area. There’s luxury studio apartments in some areas that exceed $10k a month. At the end of the day you don’t own what you live in and neither does she. Try to acquire real estate as quick as possible

Squali_squal · 2025-06-22T10:48:11+00:00

You're in london?

Title	Nearing 30's; I feel my space is not good enough for women my age
Author	CaptainDolin
Upvotes	49
Comments	68
Date	June 21, 2025 3:24 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lgz33e/nearing_30s_i_feel_my_space_is_not_good_enough/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/nearing-30s-i-feel-my-space-is-not-good-enough-for.1555194 https://theredarchive.com/post/1555194

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