Discussion: Lessons Learned

Jenneapolis · 2025-07-09T15:27:18+00:00

If you want to be married and are dating for marriage, put a time cap on the relationship (in your own mind). Do not be one of these women (like I was) who’s dating for seven years and still thinks he might marry you someday. If you want to stay, stay, but don’t delude yourself about what it is.

RatchedAngle · 2025-07-09T14:28:27+00:00

Sexual attraction is a necessity for women. Meaning, you (as a woman) must be sexually attracted to your man. Not just, “Oh he’s kinda cute when he smiles” or “oh I could see myself having sex with him after a good date.”

If you aren’t actively craving him, fantasizing about him, wanting to touch him…it won’t work no matter how good his personality is.

Men want that. They want a woman who wants it. He doesn’t want a woman who allows him to touch her. He wants a woman who craves his touch.

Once he feels like you want him in a primal sense…you can get almost anything. Truly. My man loves to party and socialize, but if I ask him to leave a party five minutes after arriving, he’ll leave with no complaints. With love in his eyes. I don’t make unreasonable requests, but the point is that I could.

Women have so much power in relationships. Learn to communicate your needs peacefully AND get with a man you want to fuck enthusiastically. You’ll never want for anything ever again.

CountTheBees · 2025-07-10T01:02:22+00:00

Some big lessons from previous relationships:

If everything is a struggle it's not going to work out. In my first relationship there were so many problems and everything was hard but I wanted it to work because I fell in love with him. It would have been much easier if I had just called it quits (this was an off again on again relationship too). But it was my first and I didn't know what was ok.

Similarly, to women in their first relationship, the world won't end if the relationship fails. That doesn't mean the first relationship is "disposable" but it also doesn't mean that your entire life depends on it succeeding. I think I could only get over this black and white thinking after my first relationship. Life just... Continues... No matter what. Imagine everything in your life drastically changing and you still being fine because that's kinda how it is.

In my third relationship I withheld a lot of things simply because I thought that he would be taking advantage of me if I did them for him, even though he never asked me to. I insisted on going 50/50 for everything, chores, bills, effort, etc. That was the culmination of a lot of feminist teachings and my beliefs at the time. That left me with a lot of regrets. Now I think when there is an opportunity for division of labour or teamwork or even maximising happiness it would be stupid not to take advantage of it. One good thing about it though is I never felt trapped or indebted in the relationship. But I still could have done nice things for him without feeling trapped.

2025-07-10T01:05:17+00:00

I never spoke in anger and later thought yeah I’m glad I did that. I recommend cooling off before you speak. You can never unhear unkind words.

TheFeminineFrame · 2025-07-09T14:52:49+00:00

In dating:

Focus on becoming a person who values herself. This means building self-esteem through skill and hobbies, developing virtue, taking care of your physical and emotional states, and knowing what you value. This kind of woman is going to attract healthy masculinity.

Not all attraction is mutual. Learn to be ok with that. If you have to chase a man to get his attention then the attraction just might not be there for him. Do your best to move on. Likewise, let men who you aren't interested in down kindly.

If a man is constantly trying to change fundamental pieces of who you are then he doesn't really love who you are.

In marriage:

It's ok to go to bed angry. Sometimes sleeping on things can bring clarity and cool tempers.

Some people have to talk things out to know what they are feeling. Other people can't talk about it until they know what they are feeling. If you are a talker, be patient with your man of few words as he figures out what is at the heart of things. If you have a talker, be patient as he finds the right words because they might not all come out right at first.

Change is inevitable. Change can also be scary and we are oftentimes afraid of losing people to change. Don't let this fear control you or attempt to control him. Be happy for positive growth and look for ways to grow personally as well as ways together as a couple.

I'm sure there is more but that is what is coming to my head right now :)

Plastic-Hall-8581 · 2025-07-09T15:04:05+00:00

Mine is:

Be extremely careful of men who lead with their disadvantage. Be very careful of men who make insults about you as jokes - it can start out as jokes but it can soon turn to be terrible/abusive.
Only choose to be with men you respect from the beginning - and make sure they have a decent reputation.
Choose character and looks first - then think about their personality. Character is what makes a man a great man. And his looks will keep your sexual appetite high for him. If he has bad character but a big charming personality, and you are their partner, you will soon pay for it.
Think about the kind of lifestyle you want whilst married - then choose the kind of man who can provide that/is in alignment.

SeaMuted9754 · 2025-07-12T12:37:39+00:00

Some men are impossible for YOU to respect. They can have the income, take care of themselves, they can be respected in their community but if you can’t find a way to truly respect who they are then it will end in disaster. Coming from my divorce where I would constantly put my ex down because I thought I could change the parts I found childish or lady like.

Now in my new relationship I thought I had to learn respect. It’s about finding someone who you respect from the beginning. I didn’t need to change my expectations of a man because I found a man. Years of struggle to make it work was meaningless in the face of someone who met all your expectations because their vision of a respectable man is yours. They found it worth the effort to met those goals.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2025-07-14T18:47:55+00:00

I think the biggest thing I learned was actually from this sub, it was in an old Whisper post and he said “women only sleep with men they would marry.” Obviously that’s not literally true, but it was something I had personally never even thought about. It definitely made me think “huh, maybe I should only sleep with guys I would marry, imagine that!” 🤔

AutoModerator · 2025-07-09T14:17:40+00:00

Title: Discussion: Lessons Learned

Author Deliaallmylife

Full text: "A wise man learns from the mistakes of others" ... some guy

Share a lesson that you've learned so that others can learn from your mistakes. What hard won wisdom has experience graced you with...that thing that you would have been so much better off if you figured out sooner?

Here's mine: on again off again relationships are probably best called off. It is Relationships are not unlike a habit and just because a break up hurts, it doesn't mean that you are actually craving the relationship with that person.

Ok RPW, your turn. What have you learned that you want to share with the class?

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Title	Discussion: Lessons Learned
Author	Deliaallmylife
Upvotes	26
Comments	44
Date	July 9, 2025 2:17 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1lvjy7b/discussion_lessons_learned/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/discussion-lessons-learned.1556709 https://theredarchive.com/post/1556709

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