How do I bring it up

Factastical · 2025-10-24T00:22:05+00:00

Is she likely to be vindictive? To lie in court? Take more than her fair share? If yes then you will regret filing sooner than you were ready to. Don't ready yourself emotionally. If she is not honest and you have minor children, you will wish you waited and set yourself up financially in your own favor.

No_Isopod_3747 · 2025-10-24T00:01:28+00:00

Prepare yourself financially and map your moves out for your future. It seems unfortunately she has already checked out. You got this.

Legitimate-Corgi · 2025-10-23T17:14:15+00:00

Why would you wait. File now so that’s a her expense instead of a joint expense. She wants to get hot for the next guy why should you pay for it

playerknowmore · 2025-10-22T23:15:27+00:00

Sit her down and tell her you are not happy either. Odds are she is confusing your contentment with happiness. Tell her you refuse to cheat, but living alone while in a relationship is also unsustainable.

I went through five years ago. For some reason, she couldn't equate her unhappiness with the menopause she was going through. Her mother talked her into getting help. I was nearly at the point of no return. With the kids all in college, I questioned why I needed a woman at all. To my wife's credit, she's more like the woman I raised my children with.

Sam_N_Emmy · 2025-10-22T22:01:08+00:00

Just tell her. You heard her words and for both of your best interests you need to separate and divorce. At this point you are just delaying the inevitable. Get ahead of it because if she’s telling you she’s miserable and hasn’t been intimate in months, she’s already working on an exit plan.

jaglio69 · 2025-10-22T21:12:15+00:00

You go to the bank you get a bank check and you bring it to the lawyer and you fucking serve her ass

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-10-22T19:47:20+00:00

Tell her you are broke and need her help with the mortgage for a while. That should do it. A more direct approach would just to simply tell her you don't want to be married anymore.

Empress1978 · 2025-10-22T18:55:57+00:00

Yeah, have to agree with the others here. Do it now after you get your ducks in a row and a lawyer ready. It may seem kind to wait til after the surgery, but it’s not. Not only are you gonna be paying for “half”, you’re also gonna be waiting for recovery which could take a while. Plus, as I have found, there is never a “good” time. I shoulda 5 years ago but always found an excuse. It doesn’t matter in the end. It’s going to be better for both of you.

carbondog54 · 2025-10-22T16:46:31+00:00

That’s a tough spot, man. You’ve already tried communicating and offering counseling (Counseling is what people do before divorce), so it’s not like you’re giving up easily — you’re just out of options.

You’re right to wait until she’s recovered; bringing it up during a vulnerable time could make things worse for everyone. But once she’s healed, plan a calm, private talk. No accusations, no history dump — just honesty: “I’ve been unhappy for a long time, and I don’t think we can fix this anymore.”

Be clear, kind, and steady. Line up emotional and legal support before the conversation so you’re not walking into it alone. It’s scary, but staying miserable helps no one — not you, not her, not the kids. For the kids, it's better to come from a broken home than to live in one.

Prize_Consequence_97 · 2025-10-22T15:26:15+00:00

No offense just wondering. But why wait for the surgery to be done? She’s not doing it for your eyes, for other men… she’s planning a divorce, why spend marital money to her benefit?

giraffe-zackeffron · 2025-10-22T14:11:18+00:00

Just lift up your skirt and grab your balls and do it. It sucks but you gotta do it. Once it’s done, it’s done. Then you can get on with living your life. My only regret is that I waited so long to do it because I was afraid to lift skirt and grab balls.

IllBrother6221 · 2025-10-22T12:44:39+00:00

"Can we talk? I don't want yo go on living like this. We need to agree a seperation plan" worked for me.

fewdo · 2025-10-22T12:05:18+00:00

Are you two mean to each other at this point? If there's still some kindness between you two, you can be honest and tell her that you want to make her happy but you're starting to understand that you can't. And since you both can't fix it, your considering ending the relationship.

You will see your kids less but you can treat them the way you know is right without being undermined an the time. Mine have grown to be kind and respectful with my actual boundaries. I have to remind them every visit but they've gotten good at please and thank you.

Anyway, treat her like someone you used to love at the minimum. It's not a crime for things to fizzle. It's sad but it's not like she did it to hurt you.

EnvironmentalRate853 · 2025-10-22T10:01:23+00:00

Hey man, I’m at this stage too, though we’ve spoken about it a bit more. I’ve always sought to hold on for the sake of the kids etc, but in the last few days the band has snapped.

My advice, clear, concise and unemotional. Keep your ideal future state in mind in case she dismisses is.

Don’t expect just a single conversation. It may require multiple smaller ones. Eg:

Ok, if you’re done then let’s be done properly.

Going our own ways is best for the long run.

If we do this together, we should both end up in a better spot.

But if she’s holding on for her own comfort (ie your security), you may have to force the issue.

Title	How do I bring it up
Author	Difficult_Guava1092
Upvotes	12
Comments	18
Date	October 22, 2025 8:19 AM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1od2if8/how_do_i_bring_it_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-do-i-bring-it-up.1564732 https://theredarchive.com/post/1564732

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