Hey guys, I’m posting here because I’m honestly worn down and could use perspective from other dads who’ve been through divorce or are in the middle of it.

I’m still married, not legally separated, and things are stuck in that brutal in between space. We’re not reconciling, but nothing is formally filed yet. I’ve made it clear that if anything is formalized legally, the only path I’m open to is divorce handled through mediation. I’m not willing to do legal separation. I want clarity, structure, and something that minimizes damage to the kids.

Financially, I’m the primary provider and currently pay all household expenses mortgage, rent, utilities, childcare, insurance, and daily living costs. I’ve continued doing this consistently to keep stability for the kids, even while things are strained.

I also pay $1,300 a month in ongoing support for my older daughter from a previous relationship and have never missed a payment. On top of that, I cover extra things like her phone and extracurricular activities. I’m starting to organize all of this now because I know finances and alimony are coming whether I want them to or not.

Emotionally, I’m exhausted. I’m trying to communicate calmly, not escalate, not over-text, not get pulled into circular arguments. I document things quietly, stay child-focused, and try to keep my integrity intact.

Because things have felt unpredictable at times, I’ve also started documenting interactions and incidents purely for my own protection and for the kids’ safety, in case things ever go sideways. I hate that it’s necessary, but it feels irresponsible not to.

What’s hard is that acknowledgment doesn’t equal agreement. I state boundaries, they’re received politely, and then everything stays ambiguous. I know that’s often how this goes, but it still sucks when you’re hoping for some forward movement.

I’m not here to bash my spouse. I’m just tired and trying to be a good dad, protect my kids, and not blow up my future financially or emotionally.

If you’ve been here: How did you manage the waiting period before mediation or filing How did you keep your head straight when nothing was resolved yet Anything you wish you had done earlier or not done