Missing the knicknacks and other pleasantries

jarnock · 2026-01-22T18:39:57+00:00

I had my mom come down and told her to make my new house a home, told my son to make my living room a home theater (he was 17 at time), let the kids pick out there bedroom sets/furniture. Spent around $7-10 thousand. I love my new place, go research some ideas, you can probably use Chat-GPT and it’ll get you great recommendations, just put the parameters, some lose ideas of what you want and bam, you got it!

According-Designer15 · 2026-01-22T08:42:38+00:00

you're still cohabitating with your STBXW but already mourning the loss of the "small touches" the baskets, flowers, nice smells, all the things that made the house feel like a home instead of just a building and now you're staring down creating your own place by July 2027 (or sooner) wondering how the hell you make it cozy for you and the kids when the big stuff (couch, beds, table) feels easy but the details that actually matter (what makes it FEEL like home) seem overwhelming.

man, here's the thing: you don't need to recreate HER version of cozy, you need to discover YOUR version and yeah, right now that feels impossible because for however many years SHE was the one who did the baskets and flowers and made it smell nice while you just… lived there, but that doesn't mean you can't learn or that your kids won't love what you build, it just means you're starting from scratch and that's scary when you're already emotionally depleted.

Flapique · 2026-01-22T01:31:16+00:00

If you have an Ikea in your area they make it really easy they have lots of really nice and affordable things that can help add that sort of touch I know that when I was given the silver bullet that's exactly what I did was go to Ikea and I basically just bought everything I needed for my life right there and then they had furniture cookware silverware organizational totes and items wardrobes swedish meatballs with lingonberry sauce 😂

LimJayee · 2026-01-21T18:40:21+00:00

I been "decorating" the house with small stuff, i been considered the one who does all that anyways, its my only hobby and it can be pricey

ItsHowItisNow2 · 2026-01-21T18:33:50+00:00

Embrace your “feminine” side…lol that’s what some of my female friends tell me…

UnknownUsername113 · 2026-01-21T18:12:57+00:00

I completely get that! I just went through this buying a new home and having to decorate. I was never allowed to do it in our family home. My space was the garage and the basement, which I was never allowed to finish and make my own.

I’m a general contractor and I’m fairly ocd about details. I’m around a lot of high end jobs requiring designers so I have a feel for what looks good.

The best part of making your own space is getting to make it YOU.

When I was with my ex wife, everything for the kids had to be hidden. Toys had their spots and weren’t allowed outside of the playroom. I didn’t want that for my kids. I have two rooms that are all me and the rest was all co/designed with my kids. It helped them feel at home.

The Knick backs will come.

My ex wife came over and made a comment about how nice the house looked. The kids now think mom has no style. A lot came down to me choosing things that I was passionate about. Music is big.

Pick a theme. Natural colors and textures always look good. Plants make a place feel cozy and fresh. I don’t have the skill for real plants so I buy nicer fake ones that look real.

This is my space: https://postimg.cc/MnqQLTtZ and I’m super pumped about it. No more having to hide my personality so the house checks everyone else’s boxes. My garage is being turned into a brewery as soon as the weather gets a bit nicer.

Historical_Eye3756 · 2026-01-21T15:27:28+00:00

I suggest starting something cool of your own. I went out and bought febreze warmers for the bathrooms and fake plants to put around the house…. Bonus.. no watering! I got rid of the some the old furniture from the marriage and got what I wanted.

I even bought those robot vacuums with a mop for the house. It’s so great… I just tell Alexa to clean my floors now.

I love being divorced!

Tvelt17 · 2026-01-21T14:40:44+00:00

When my ex-wife moved out, I pulled my action figures out of storage and bought some posters.

My office looks like a 13 year old nerd's bedroom and I love it.

One room at a time. Get an office or hobby room set up first. A tribute to yourself. Work out from there.

Nearby-Car4777 · 2026-01-21T14:09:23+00:00

Hey man. You can buy yourself flowers, candles, and make your space yours. I buy myself flowers and scented candles all the time. In fact, I would recommend all divorced guys buy themselves flowers, you deserve it.

Tonyalarm · 2026-01-21T14:03:25+00:00

That grief is real. Start tiny: one scent, one plant, one ritual. Cozy isn’t talent, it’s accumulation. You’ll build it slowly, and it will still feel like home eventually safely

BigBubbaMac · 2026-01-21T14:01:46+00:00

She moved out and I almost immediately started getting rid of all that crap. I was never given a say in it and now I have full control. Good riddance.

FlipFlop4242 · 2026-01-21T13:48:13+00:00

Ugh. Following…

Title	Missing the knicknacks and other pleasantries
Author	psychcaptain
Upvotes	5
Comments	23
Date	January 21, 2026 1:43 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1qiy87g/missing_the_knicknacks_and_other_pleasantries/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/missing-the-knicknacks-and-other-pleasantries.1571655 https://theredarchive.com/post/1571655

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