Well, im in the early stages of seperating and divorce...

darmitage55 · 2026-04-11T21:41:50+00:00

25 years and finding out it was never even on the table. That's a gut punch I wouldn't wish on anyone.

And the fact that your daughter sees it? She knows who showed up. Hold onto that.

You didn't waste those years being a fool. You wasted them being loyal to someone who wouldn't meet you there. Big difference.

darmitage55 · 2026-04-11T21:38:32+00:00

25 years and finding out it was never even on the table. That's a gut punch I wouldn't wish on anyone.

And the fact that your daughter sees it? She knows who showed up. Hold onto that.

You didn't waste those years being a fool. You wasted them being loyal to someone who wouldn't meet you there. Big difference.

Ok-Guidance6491 · 2026-04-11T00:10:21+00:00

It takes a while, but over time you will truly realize how unfair things were to you, and how she doesn’t have any power over you anymore. You are free. That becomes more powerful with time. Never again give commitment to anyone but your kids.

MonarchistExtreme · 2026-04-10T14:53:50+00:00

It's pretty sobering when your kids give you the dose of reality. I remember when I decided to move on I confided in my 16 year old son that I think I need to file for divorce. He almost doubled over laughing with a "you think?". LOL

Fair play to him....it was obvious to everyone but me.

Strange_Button_3330 · 2026-04-10T14:31:41+00:00

I had 22 years. Lots of good advice here.

My two cents: 1) you get to leave with the knowledge you tried your best.

2) she has now released you from your vows. You’re now a free range human again.

This will pass, the pain and anger will eventually subside, and you’ll be free. I will be cheering for you.

Mangrove43 · 2026-04-10T12:45:51+00:00

Time and Bourbon heal all wounds

LaCathedrale · 2026-04-10T06:49:07+00:00

I just got through a year of trying my hardest to understand what she was telling me, trying to come to terms with the changes in her life and personality and her drive to be independent, free, not in a relationship, etc. - turns out she just wanted to fuck other guys.

Could have saved a lot of money and heartache if she'd just said that when the penny dropped, instead of dragging it out.

The universal wisdom that I am holding on to is that it will get better.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T05:54:19+00:00

Well 25 and raised the kids out the household is a full marraige for some. What happened if marraige was split into the romance, kid bearing and retirement? You got 2/3 which is a positive way of looking at it. It just when you wed you thought you know what you'll feel and be in 25 years.

Its a new chapter, one that has to write with a new perspective. I know its not what you expected but so much still in front of you.

fiddsy · 2026-04-10T05:08:37+00:00

Welcome to the dark side my brother. Many of us lost ourselves trying to make it work or save the marriage. Wait until you hit the angry stage where you get super pissed at her for not trying and extra super pissed at yourself for throwing everything you had at a lost cause.

upvotersfortruth · 2026-04-10T03:15:20+00:00

it came to a hed recently after my 23yr old daughter asked me why i put up with it

That's what we call the nod from your corner to take the gloves off.

alien-reject · 2026-04-10T02:56:22+00:00

Sometimes we get comfortable with an uncomfortable marriage and we don’t even look at the time going by us, and by the time someone notices 25 years has passed

probebeta · 2026-04-10T02:41:44+00:00

This might be a bit opinionated. It's never about how much effort you put in the marriage. It's more about the effort you put in yourself so that she, whoever she is, has to compete for your attention. She basically thought she could do better. Change that, but not for her but for you.

Wales4ever_n_ever · 2026-04-10T02:39:41+00:00

After 25 years, I’ve had enough of my wife. I’ve already started researching lawyers. Be strong, brother.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2026-04-10T02:23:20+00:00

Same here bro, 25 years married then she wanted to go figure herself out after I found out she is in love with a previous house friend of ours.

I also tried for years to save something I should have just let go from the beginning I know how you feel.

Hardest is probably the financial loss at our age as it will have a negative impact on my quality of life sharing everything I had worked for my entire life.

All the best to you bro. We are here for you if you want to talk.

Zenyquyen · 2026-04-10T02:03:02+00:00

So it's time to start a new chapter in your life OP. Everything is gonna be fine, just gonna hurt like hell until it don't hurt anymore. I'm no one to give advice. But I see you and hear you and surviving the very same thing. It'll get better , but you decide how long you want to mourn. It's all gonna be ok. Better than ok if you spread your wings and soar.

HammerDamag3d · 2026-04-10T02:00:39+00:00

Sorry guys for the venting,....i just....unnngh....hindsight n all that shoulda clued me in long ago,....i'm usually alot more observant to my surroundings and peoples intentions around me, but this one caught me so off kilter and has ket me tilting all week trying to qrap my head around

Title	Well, im in the early stages of seperating and divorce...
Author	HammerDamag3d
Upvotes	53
Comments	29
Date	April 10, 2026 1:48 AM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1sh91iw/well_im_in_the_early_stages_of_seperating_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/well-im-in-the-early-stages-of-seperating-and.1577576 https://theredarchive.com/post/1577576

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