26M black man, living in Paris. Good looking, nice car, good education and career. Dating women 20–26 with similar background. I do a lot of cold approaching and I have a relatively high success rate at getting the number.

Everyone here is talking about inviting girls you approached to a coffee date, and I prefer lowkey coffee dates to get to know someone first. But many of the women I’m interested in post splurgy stuff on social media (fancy dinners, luxury gifts) and seem unimpressed by simple dates.

I know some women in their 30s who even proposed to pay (for themselves) on the first date, but for younger women with african roots they always expect you picking her up, a top notch restaurant and you paying the bill. I'm not trying to be cheap—just intentional. But maybe I'm filtering myself out.

So my question:

  • Am I misreading social media highlights for real expectations?
  • As "man pays" actually subjective, or is it still the default in my community (African/Arab descent living in Europe)?