Single and Happy? Are they?

yourworkmom · 2026-05-18T16:19:49+00:00

I think everyone on social media likes to post about the awesome life they have.

The singletons don't share pics and stories about being lonely.

The marrieds don't post about feeling disrespected or taken for granted.

The moms don't post pics of their newborn laying on the bathmat when mom had a stomach bug and no choice but to put baby on the bathroom floor so they could barf.

Don't put too much stock into the lives people post online.

Everyone has ups and downs. Happy and sads. If they say otherwise, they are full of shit.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2026-05-18T16:39:15+00:00

When I was growing up most of the adults around me were single. Either divorced, widowed, or never married. I suppose that felt like the default. The friends I had with married parents seemed exotic and a bit baffling. Having a lasting relationship felt aspirational and vaguely out of reach for me.

I suppose if these women were raised to feel that marriage was an inevitability or a requirement instead of a choice, they might feel relieved to decide that they can opt out. I assume these are also women who don’t have positive relationship role models or positive male role models in their lives. They probably feel superior to the men they encounter and don’t reflect on their contribution to negative outcomes.

I agree that it’s better to be single than with a bad partner, but I also believe that there are a ton of good single men out there who are not getting picked.

temporaryacc444 · 2026-05-19T02:20:29+00:00

I am shy and social awkward for all my life. Short answer - no. Deep in the heart I blame the low communication skills a lot for my loneliness. I feel like I'm not introvert, I crave social communication, but the barrier and struggle to read social cues keeps me away from that. I got a few people come up to me with genuine interest to be friends and you know my heart really melting. I didn't have much friends either. I feel sad when I see people around talking and I'm alone with no voice, no friends. I learned to accept it, sometimes I tried to blend in and failed. I used to feel heartbroken just because two classmates leave me out during group projects.

I was lucky. I meet a guy when we're both working part time job in college. I think he was like my best friend, otherwise I would not have any close friends in the US. All of my close friends from secondary school are back in Thailand. We can only talk through phones.

I have a coworker like that in her 50s, no spouse, no kids. She looks somewhat happy. Everyday go to the office, order foods and spend all for herself. Suddenly, for a few days she did not come to the office anymore. Everybody tried to call her but no response, we were worried and come around asking every possible people around if anyone knows where had she been. A week later she came, it was such a relief. But it's harder for her to walk, when we leave suddenly she felt down, only me and her are the last one in the noon I had to helped lifting a woman double my weight. So, I guess it's happy, but you need a healthy lifestyle to maintain that. If one day a medical problem comes to you, no one help, even health insurance company are the first one to throw you under the bus

Ill_Coffee_6821 · 2026-05-18T15:57:54+00:00

Everyone is different. I was single for so many years before I met my current long term partner. I absolutely love him so much, but I also miss having time to myself, traveling alone, choosing what I do, not having the tension when we do get into an argument, etc. I really miss all of that! Life was very peaceful. But it also had loneliness underneath all of that peace.

The trick for me is to make sure I have not lost myself in my relationship. I still do the things that bring me joy, often by myself. Sometimes it comes at the expense of time with my partner, but it also makes me joyful which I think makes me a better partner in the time we are together.

Everyone is different.

That said, the friends I have that are single happily and not dating, I do get the sense that they’ve given up because it’s such a hassle to meet someone (it is!), and they value their peace above all else. But I do think if the perfect man was handed to them, they’d be happy to have him. The process to get there is so painful though. It was for me. It is the opposite of peaceful!

sunshinevante · 2026-05-18T20:44:56+00:00

Single and happy here, i know people who are single and not happy. I know people married and not happy and people married and happy (esp as a therapist). You can be single and sad, you can be married and sad. Happy is an emotion and emotions come and go. Life is just what you make it!

I will say as i am single and happy. I dont think im happy because im single... but because i have time to do things i love and surrounding by people i love. ive been in relationships and if i was happy it wasnt because i was finally dating someone though. If that make sense.

ellecat13 · 2026-05-18T16:14:13+00:00

For some women, yes they absolutely are peaceful and happy. I think it’s hard to relate unless you’ve been in a relationship(s) where life was not peaceful at all. Some men can be absolutely mentally and emotionally draining and abusive, and bring nothing but stress and drama. So yea, when that’s what you’ve previously had, being single and alone is heaven on earth.

I love my partner and wouldn’t want to be without him, however I miss a lot of things about being single and having my time and energy for ME. He’s a great guy, but also I am so over men and would never do this again if something was to happen to him.

Therealcatlady1 · 2026-05-19T12:02:44+00:00

I like to browse through here and i’m moderate more than on either side of the spectrum. As one of these women, it does get lonely sometimes but there’s so much freedom to wear, live and be however you want, you don’t have to eat anything specific or cook/clean after anyone else. I’ve lived with 2 of my LTRs and it was miserable. I do much better on my own. It’s better to be alone than to settle for someone I don’t want to be with or am not into. I have cats, friends and family. If I met a man who didn’t absolutely drain my energy then maybe I would consider it, but who knows. I love living alone and not having to see/be around anyone else or consider them. I also make good money so I enjoy my lifestyle and get to do whatever I want without financially depending on anyone else.

I think what helps me be happy is that i’ve been in LTR so I know they come with their own issues. I’ve also never wanted children so I don’t feel like i’m missing out on something.

Wife_and_Mama · 2026-05-18T16:35:10+00:00

People who are happy don't need to find a bunch of people who are happy in exactly the same way to start an online movement promoting their specific brand of happiness.

That's not to say that there aren't women who are very happy single. I was happy single. I needed that time. I had fun. Then it got old. That's not necessarily the case for everyone. Those people who are happy alone, however, are too busy being happy to tell the internet how happy they are for clicks and likes. So, yes. It's a cope for those specific women. That doesn't mean it's not true for anyone.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2026-05-19T12:13:42+00:00

Sounds like nuns to me?

Joking but not so much. Throughout history you'll find people everywhere swearing that a happy and meaningful life comes from celibacy and segregation from the opposite sex/from the world. Now, this movement is obviously a cope, but go to early Christianity and you'll find even st Paul saying that celibacy is the better condition. Early asceticism, monastic orders of any religion, lay people sworn to celibacy... I don't have reason to think that for some people that is indeed the most fulfilling choice. I only distrust the people who are SO happy they have to make up a whole movement to bash the kind of relationship they are rejecting.

Pycnostyle · 2026-05-18T20:46:28+00:00

When someone feels the need to get into others' faces to proclaim how happy they are, I always wonder if they're being honest with themselves. This just doesn't seem like something a contented person would do.

Dionne005 · 2026-05-18T19:40:41+00:00

I think it depends on the person. I was happy alone and single. But of course wanted sex but yeah. To me learning to be fulfilled in life is not something you should rely on a partner for. So if women are saying they are happy single I believe it.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2026-05-19T07:13:02+00:00

I think most people want to be partnered, beause we are a social species and because life is difficult and it's easier when you have a teammate.

Of the women I know in my age cohort, the single ones are generally the least happy, and have to rely on there social networks for things that a husband would/could have provided. Those without children seem to be the worst off, mentally. I freely admit this is anecdotal evidence, but if you gather enough anecdotes together, you have data.

Beyond that, as a lifelong singleton, a lot of it depends on your mental make-up. Put another way, the only zen you find on the mountaintop is the zen you bring with you. I have been perfectly happy in my life, but I suppose I would have been happy, anyway. Ofc, if I didn't have abundance, I might feel differently. OTOH, having seen a lot of my friends' marriages/relationships, I feel like I have avoided a lot of drama, too.

There are, I would think, a lot more people claiming to be happy than who are actually happy, and for that group, it's a cope, and not one that is likely to get better. 50 years is a long time to be alone.

There's the life you want and then there's the life you get. I suppose the trick it to learn to be happy with the latter.

Vast-Society4093 · 2026-05-18T21:09:31+00:00

They could be genuinely happy but from what I’ve witnessed mostly if the 4B movement is tied to disappointment in men it’s just cope. Truly mental stable people can thrive being alone or with a partner. If women pick bad partners because they didn’t learn vetting skills then turns to isolate themselves from men isn’t healthy in my opinion. They still have issues that will resurface anyway being alone. Being young and 4B sounds manageable at first but we all age and I truly don’t see myself being alone at 66 with no spouse ,no kids and grandkids. Being single at young age sounds empowering but old age ? More sad actually.

Despite that I believe being celibate is something beautiful if it actually tied to something meaningful. I lived in celibacy before marriage and it was a great journey. Controlling your impulses, learning detachment , and actually listening to your body and being more attuned to it. But to live this way you need more conviction and beliefs than just doing it because of men.

SYSTEMOFADAMN · 2026-05-19T08:32:20+00:00

I'm part of the "single and happy crowd".. in a way that I'm happy on my own without a partner, and I was also quite happy when I was partnered. I think it just depends on a person's mindset, whether you're a glass half full or glass half empty kind of person.

I can see a lot of beautiful things being single and also content being celibate. I also acknowledge and am grateful for my exes who made me feel loved and supported in life. I've surrounded myself with good men, but I also have girl friends who claim to be misandrists and to be honest, I can see where they are coming from too. There are so many emotionally immature people who chose not to work on themselves and in return inflict hurt and pain to the people who love them.

Part of it is probably a coping mechanism, part of it is refusing to settle and just living their own lives, focusing on themselves rather than devoting time to find a man.

fayes- · 2026-05-20T15:24:18+00:00

I think as a general rule, to be happy you have to actively work on your happiness, everyday. So whether you’re single or in a relationship you have to work on your happiness to be happy.

pumpkinmoonrabbit · 2026-05-19T01:32:07+00:00

My opinion is that people have different social needs, abut ultimately human beings are social animals. However, it is possible for a person to give up on socialization due to trauma or other stuff, and decide that being alone is better than being expose to toxic or abusive individuals. I think it's more of a trauma response than a natural state. Very few small children have zero interest in interacting with other humans.

Also, some people are able to be content (not necessarily happy) by relying on friendships and family relationship, including interacting with their nieces and nephews whenever they have that "I want to have a family" instinct. However not everyone has this. I certainly don't have any family around me.

That_Difference_7638 · 2026-05-18T17:32:01+00:00

Being single as a flex kinda works until you exit your 30s, after that… it gets rarer, the women coquetting with that get quirkier… kinda like the weird Barbie. I’m saying that in a loving way, some certainly had a „wounded healer“ type energy, more often than not VERY colorful life stories, important contributions to society, etc. All the women I interviewed (to discern my personal calling in life) in their 60-80s who were single for whatever reason, they… idk. They did not feel inspiring to me, or feel as role models I wanted to emulate. Some convincingly told me they are content as single (often after they suffered very dire circumstances before), but I still did not get the „I want to aspire to was she has“ feeling with these women. I see some might get drawn to that energy and I do believe they have an important role, the shaman of a tribe sometimes is better working in solitude. YMMV

NeoSailorMoon · 2026-05-18T18:57:49+00:00

My life is extremely peaceful now that I have not been in relationships with toxic men for the past year.

Yes, I can find joy and happiness without depending on someone else for it. I am individuated.

I refuse to be in another relationship unless it allows me to maintain my emotional clarity and stability as when I’m single.

Most men are incapable of being devoted, loyal, communicative, action-oriented, protective, emotionally vulnerable and stable, etc., but I think I recently met a guy who is all of those things…I’ve never met anyone like him before.

fayes- · 2026-05-19T04:34:26+00:00

I think as women we also should decide if we want children or not, and understand that having a child with a partner is easier than not (but obviously not choose ANY partner). If those women don’t want children then they’re probably happy alone.

FluidShopping962 · 2026-05-27T19:28:05+00:00

Aromanticism exists you know? Look it up, its really interesting. Some people just do not need romantic relationships to be fulfilled in their life, and others might simply be indifferent to wheter they are in a relationship or not, and it goes for men and women. If you don't feel fulfilled without romance in your life that's okay, but you can't just assume everyone feels the same, I know plenty of single people that post a lot about their lives in social media, even if they aren't aromantic themselves.

swilyi · 2026-05-18T18:29:42+00:00

Everyone is different. But I absolutely believe you can be single and happy. Statistics show that single and child free women live longer. And while in the west we like to think that we’re so progressive the truth is in a lot of relationships women tend to do more labour and invest more money.

I think if you’re someone who is close to their siblings/cousins and have a good amount of friends you’ll be fine.

If you’re someone who doesn’t have a big group of friends then you might feel the loneliness a little bit too much.

The reason why this has become a trend is as an answer to the pressure around relationships. I’ve personally met plenty of divorced women in their 40s and 50s who are happy single but don’t need to make it a trend.

ok-firefighter2266 · 2026-05-18T23:04:06+00:00

Yes, I think it’s possible to be single and happy and I think it’s possible to live that way for the rest of your life. People who say this is a cope are usually projecting family/cultural dysfunction onto others. It is unfathomable that people can not be lonely and have a community without a relationship when you’re from a culture of people who don’t know how to build one.

There was an online discussion a while ago where women were saying they were “too lazy to be in a relationship”. As an introverted person who generally likes being left alone when I’m home, I relate so hard. I was not unhappy single. I genuinely miss being single a lot but it could be because I live with my partner. I might be the type of person can be in a relationship but just can’t tolerate living with anyone.

AutoModerator · 2026-05-18T15:52:11+00:00

Title: Single and Happy? Are they?

Author Jenneapolis

Full text: I've seen a recent surge online of the "single and happy crowd" - the women who swear up and down that the secret to a happy life is to be single. The 4B movement. They claim their life is extremely peaceful without a male partner, they are thriving, and essentially point to is as the secret to a peaceful life.

I lived alone for 20 years. I was in relationships with men, but I refused to move in until marriage. And I didn't feel happy or peaceful living alone. I always yearned to have people around. I did a good job being alone, it wasn't like I was sad and devastated every day or anything. I loved my place and functioned fine but it wasn't this blissful peaceful secret to life I see these women talking about.

So I wanted to hear the communities thoughts - what is going on with these women? Are they just not like me, perhaps more independent? Is it just a cope? While it persist throughout their lives into old age? What is going on with this crowd?

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Title	Single and Happy? Are they?
Author	Jenneapolis
Upvotes	46
Comments	76
Date	May 18, 2026 3:52 PM UTC (2 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1tgqqiw/single_and_happy_are_they/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/single-and-happy-are-they.1580678 https://theredarchive.com/post/1580678

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