He didn’t offer to take me home after date, I feel disappointed but don’t know if I’m being too picky

Wife_and_Mama · 2026-05-27T22:59:42+00:00

Edit: These comments are wild. OP, consider the source when asking for dating advice. If one piece of advice comes from the ones in happy relationships and the opposite comes from single women, consider that information with what you hope to accomplish.

I genuinely like the guy though, so I don’t know if I’m just being harsh. We had two good dates and I enjoy his company. I find him a good conversationalist and intelligent.

This is how you know you're being too harsh. You like him. You want to see him again. You want to find love. He made one blunder on the second date that could have been for any number of reasons. Maybe he didn't want you to feel pressured to be in the car with a man you just met. Maybe he needed to get gas or his car was really messy. Maybe he wasn't comfortable taking you home yet with what that might imply. It doesn't matter. It was one misstep. Keep seeing him and keep an ear to the ground as to whether or not he's a thoughtless or selfish person.

To be clear, if you were super meh about him, didn't find him attractive or funny, thought him brash or obnoxious, thought he might have been making an antisemitic/racist/sexist comment at some point, or whatever, then sure. Maybe this would count for more. But you like him. You're excited about him. Let it go.

For what it's worth, I refused to ride in a vehicle with my husband until the fourth date. A lot of women aren't comfortable with this so soon and he very well might have been considering that.

ShabbyJerking · 2026-05-27T22:45:50+00:00

Some guys are thick like that when they're very nervous. So you kinda gotta give them hints they can pick up on in these cases...

Otherwise, maybe he was in a rush?

Worst case scenario - he doesn't care... but who knows?

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2026-05-28T08:41:47+00:00

Yes, you're being too harsh. This isn't even a minor issue, it's a non-issue.

I’ve taken the bus a lot in my life, I don’t mind taking it at all and I’m not looking for a free ride. It just feels good knowing a man wants to protect you , wants to make you get home safe. I just felt abit disappointed, I wanted to feel that protection from him I guess.

You say yourself that you've taken the bus a lot. Is it not safe in your experience? Was anything going to happen, realistically? He walked you to the same bus you chose to take there. Why would he even presume it was not safe? Why would having a stranger drive you home be considered any safer?

It's unreasonable to expect a man who's essentially a stranger to make you feel that level of protection. You're still getting to know each other.

At this time it was 11pm, but he said he sleeps anywhere up until 12, and doesn’t mind staying out later.

Maybe he had an off day. Maybe he was really tired or had to be up early the next day. Maybe he actually goes to bed earlier, but of course he'd still say that he doesn't mind staying out late to a girl he's out late with - saying anything else wouldn't be nice. Maybe his car was messy and he was embarassed. Maybe he didn't want you to feel pressured, or he himself didn't like the possible implication of driving you home, and just made up a stupid excuse. Maybe he just had a thoughtless slip up when he was nervous. Maybe he got dumped by another girl in the past for offering a ride home because she considered the offer in a bad light. Maybe maybe maybe...

It's such a minor reason to stop seeing him. You like him. You had a good time. He walked you to the bus stop which was nice of him. He said something you found a bit off putting once... and? Is it such a deal breaker if you look at the big picture?

The perfect man who never does anything slightly annoying or disappointing or not to your preference... he doesn't exist. That standard is going to disqualify every single man on the planet. You're looking for a man who will be good for you, not a perfect man, and the world doesn't have an infinite supply of good men near you who'd return your interest. Be careful before you burn your bridges over "not perfect". Don't throw good chances away.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2026-05-28T06:32:26+00:00

So in general I think women have to be careful about not disqualifying an otherwise suitable man over a single faux pas.

Remember, guys tend to be very literal. Some of us take that "strong, indpendent woman" stuff seriously. Another problem is solipsism. Some women have this idea that there is their way of doing things and nobody else's. Most women will react negatively to being propositioned on the first date. Some women will get mad if a guy propostions them on the 10th or 20th date, like it is some sort of hate crime against women. You just never know.

Back in the early days of Facebook, when it had become available to the general public for a year or two, it was basiclally a 24/7 online HS reunion, I met a woman who just assumed that anyone who had facebook was either a cheater, a slut or a lecherous man-whore. Now, I may be a lecherous man-whore - but with a Heart of Gold^TM ofc - but that's not bc I had FB. So you just never know.

FTR, I would have offered the ride, but expected at least a 50% chance of being turned down. I'm good at building trust, so maybe it's more likely for me, but who knows? I am not a stalker and I don't enjoy being treated like a threat (in the bad way), but so it goes.

cherryjuice_32 · 2026-05-27T23:04:49+00:00

I’ll be honest, I’d say no even if a man asked me.

He does not need to know where I live and I don’t need to be getting in a car with a stranger.

Him walking you to the bus to me shows chivalry. Anything beyond that, I think is too soon for a first date. But then again, I’m very cautious when it comes to my personal safety and some women don’t worry as much as I do, which is a preference!

Dionne005 · 2026-05-28T03:36:40+00:00

Girl…never let a man know where you live unless you’re 100% sure he’s not insane and that you want him to be your boyfriend and you’ve been dating for a while. You better learn how to drive before you find something to actually be nervous about.

ZebraKernelPan1c · 2026-05-29T12:50:07+00:00

Well, you could have asked him to drive you home. But that could be interpreted as come home and we take a next step. Damn, dating is hard. It would be so wonderful if there were strict rules what would be acceptable on what date.

Next time you can hint you want to see his car on the way home. Yes, i say next time. No mistake there.

Worried_Refuse3502 · 2026-05-29T15:04:12+00:00

Tbh I have been having the same issue so the comments are helping me too.

Only issue is that it's dangerous at night and I live in a rough part of town.

I did tell him I'd have to start hanging in the day time because I've been attacked on the subway.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2026-06-02T21:56:13+00:00

So did you end up going on another date with this guy?

Jasperbeardly11 · 2026-05-28T03:32:11+00:00

I would give him another date or two to clarify this sort of stuff.

If by the fourth date he's content allowing you to take public transportation instead of driving like 10 minutes out of his way to drive you home I agree that's a serious red flag.

Some people will not let you come by their houses. If nothing to do with you but they've dealt with stalkers and they also understand other people have dealt with stalkers. He may have been being very respectful and respecting your privacy and your right to have him not know where you live.

pumpkinmoonrabbit · 2026-05-27T23:31:26+00:00

For me, I think it's the excuse he gave that's slightly off-putting.

"I would offer you a ride, but I would have to drive in the opposite direction"

Nobody likes to be inconvenienced, but people are willing to be inconvenienced for someone they care about. A couple of years ago, I was hanging out at a platonic male friend's house. (It was a group of us; I wasn't alone with him or anything.) We ended up hanging out until almost midnight, and he left his own house to drive two of us back home because we didn't have cars.

Now that I'm older and have gotten more life experience, I may or may not let a man I barely know drive me to a public place near my house depending on how safe he feels, but I'll always be glad if someone offers.

If he had safety reasons for not giving you a ride, he wouldn't have brought it up in the first place. I feel like his (terrible) excuse is genuine, which means he might be self-centered in other ways.

However, everyone is flawed, so I am not advocating for you to break it off just because of this one flaw. It's just something you can remember and keep in mind through the rest of the vetting process.

nessalovesyoumore2 · 2026-05-30T23:47:37+00:00

That’s definitely a red flag. That is not a man who will become a protector.

Bimb0bratz · 2026-05-28T17:27:26+00:00

No, I don’t think you’re being too harsh or picky. Him not wanting to go out of his way to make sure you get home safe does say a lot. I’ve had friends go out of their way to take me home late at night. I’ve had men I’ve been out with take me home as well. In most circumstances yes I was out of the way. If he didn’t have a car that’s one thing. But he did and chose not to drive you home? Idk to me it seems like he just didn’t want to spend more time with you. Any guy who is feeling some sort of connection would jump at the opportunity to spend more time with you.

notaname0875 · 2026-05-28T10:48:49+00:00

youre not being too harsh for disliking it imo, though it might be too early to tell if this means he's being stingy with his effort for you or if it's something else. I would say take note of it and continue dating him to see how you would feel, maybe bring it up to him at some point (if things go well and he's not at all saving his breath when dating you) and see his reasoning behind it

BudgetInteraction811 · 2026-05-28T05:18:32+00:00

I wouldn’t allow a man from a dating app to drive me home on a first date, but I do agree that he should have offered (or at least not made that comment about how driving would inconvenience him). A guy that really sees potential isn’t thinking about the convenience of getting home, he’s prioritizing you and your safety. For future first dates, keep it short and cute, and ideally not past 8-9 pm at the very very latest.

AutoModerator · 2026-05-27T22:42:16+00:00

Title: He didn’t offer to take me home after date, I feel disappointed but don’t know if I’m being too picky

Author TraditionalTwist7092

Full text: I’ve been on the dating apps for a while. I’m 25, searching for the guy I want to spend my life with. It’s so hard and I’ve come across a lot of unpleasant characters.

I recently matched with a guy, we got chatting and went on a first date, which was good. He asked me out on a second date the following week which we’ve just been on. It was a cinema date and we got a drink after. I overall had a very nice time with him.

I do drive , but we met in the city centre and I have newly passed my driving test so I get abit nervous at times. So I took the bus to the city centre and met him there.

At the end of the date, he offered to walk me back to the bus stop. He had driven, and told me ‘I would offer you a ride but I would have to drive in the opposite direction to where I live’. It can’t take more than 20 minutes between where we live, realistically it‘s 10-15 minutes. At this time it was 11pm, but he said he sleeps anywhere up until 12, and doesn’t mind staying out later.

I’ve taken the bus a lot in my life, I don’t mind taking it at all and I’m not looking for a free ride. It just feels good knowing a man wants to protect you , wants to make you get home safe. I just felt abit disappointed, I wanted to feel that protection from him I guess.

I genuinely like the guy though, so I don’t know if I’m just being harsh. We had two good dates and I enjoy his company. I find him a good conversationalist and intelligent.

Am I being too harsh and picky here?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2026-05-27T22:42:17+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page. Include any relevant context regarding religion, culture, living arrangements/LDRs, or other information that will help commenters.
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	He didn’t offer to take me home after date, I feel disappointed but don’t know if I’m being too picky
Author	TraditionalTwist7092
Upvotes	16
Comments	74
Date	May 27, 2026 10:42 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1tpl6c7/he_didnt_offer_to_take_me_home_after_date_i_feel/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/he-didnt-offer-to-take-me-home-after-date-i-feel.1581440 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581440

Comments