How do I become fun and cool without drinking?

MrFuckupKing · 2016-01-02T21:42:10+00:00

Very little alcohol would be sold if people did not use it in the same way you do.

You are running negative self talk inside your head as to how you think people will experience you.

The negative self talk was learned by being judged, criticized, rejected or defeated by others in your past which created the negative self image you have that you use alcohol to escape with.

Alcohol suppresses anxiety so you are free to be yourself. This self must still be within you or you would not "become it". Alcohol does not create but only releases what is already there.

The problem is that when you sober up that person is once again submerged under all the negative thinking that creates fear (anxiety) and the fear of fear (more anxiety)

You can continue using alcohol but you will never be free until you walk into the fear by teaching yourself that the negative self talk is a lie.

You only learn something is not a lie by testing it and this is done by taking the risks you are avoiding except when you drink.

wehadtosaydickety · 2016-01-02T23:40:15+00:00

I'm a recovering alcoholic. To answer your question, I'd say the definition of 'going out' changes. If you're asking how I am fun and cool in bars without drinking, I'm not because I don't go to bars. I don't 'go out' much in general unless it's a date or there is a purpose. Randomly walking to different places aka 'going out' is more of a drinking activity to me so I don't do it anymore.

In terms of not giving a fuck, knowing I have full control,over my body and life has given me unshakable confidence. When I drank it was a shallow confidence, and artificial.

vandaalen · 2016-01-02T22:53:02+00:00

Just quit. You don't miss out on anything. There is literally not a single benefit in drinking.

I'd even go so far as to say to stay away from people who abuse alcohol as well. They add nothing to your life, but just usually have the habit of pulling you down with them.

Source: Abused alcohol for over twenty years.

2comment · 2016-01-02T21:49:55+00:00

How does a normal, able-bodied man learn to walk after using crutches the entire time and convinced he needs them?

Cast them off and accept that he'll fall flat on his ass to relearn. A bottle of alcohol doesn't have a personality nor sense of humor. That's you behind walls of inhibitions.

You're lacking the courage to put yourself out there. If you're an asshole or unfunny while drunk, you can blame the alcohol. If you're funny, you get the rewards.

JamesSkepp · 2016-01-02T22:54:58+00:00

Alcohol in small doses relaxes and loosens inhibitions. In larger doses - it's a depressant. And you get drunk. When you get drunk you get less grounded, you respond more by feelings less by the response you would desire.

I don't want to quit drinking entirely, it's just that once I start it's hard to stop

Buy a drink and open a set. After you finish the drink, buy another one and open 2 sets. Then 3rd drink - 3 sets. By the time you get to 5th drink, you will not have a time for drinking anymore. Oh and by "a drink" I don't mean a full glass of vodka. Something small with booze in it, that you can sip slowly is preferable, especially in pubs when most people around drink beer.

This X drinks - X sets worked for me I had the same problem.

Also DAFS on "Tyler Durden vibing article" and lower your standards when talking with people (credit goes to RDS).

Talking with strangers isn't that difficult.

throwawaycomedian95 · 2016-01-02T22:54:58+00:00

Meditate to keep the mind and fears at bay.

InscrutablePUA · 2016-01-03T02:11:36+00:00

The key, the main thing you have to do, is to get out of your own head when in a social situation.

Do this exercise and report back when you find out how amazing things can go sober: http://www.rsdnation.com/node/300249

OrangeJello23 · 2016-01-03T05:32:04+00:00

"Assume a virtue if you have it not." Pretend like you've been drinking and be extroverted, silly and fun.

skippwiggins · 2016-01-03T01:18:58+00:00

Meditating 30 mins before going out will calm your nerves a lot, same goes for lifting. Honestly lifting and eating right jacks my test up enough to be confident in most situations. You could look at alternatives such as L-theanine or kava kava. Both act upon gaba just as alcohol does, just a different subset of receptors. Both are awesome social lubricants and non habit forming. Worse comes to worst you could try phenibut but it would just end up replacing alcohol, the only bonus is no hangover. Personally dopamine is my main issue so something such as L-dopa totally lubes me up for social gatherings. Confidence flows by having direction in life and having a good sense of yourself, or self wisdom as I like to call it.

DarkuSchneider · 2016-01-03T00:34:50+00:00

Ah how I love social lubrication but hate the side effects of alcohol. There is nothing wrong with it in moderation but it can be bad four your brain(among other organs) and ages you faster in excess. I agree with the general assertion in the comments. The alcohol drops inhibitions and the walls of social anxiety so you can reveal your true self comfortably. If you can do it drunk you can do it sober but you have to learn how to invoke it with practice and keeping the right attitude.

Is your tendency to over drink something that comes from within totally or does your party crowd tend to push speed shot rounds on everyone a lot?(peer pressure) You have to take control of your actions as you will be held accountable for them no matter what. Perhaps as an experiment substitute every other drink with water or something non alcoholic and see how social you can stay and dial it back steadily. Alcoholics tend to need to drink to be functional in day to day life not just social gatherings but if you find you struggle with self control getting outside professional guidance may be a good 'better safe than sorry' idea. There is no shame in making sure you are in good health and keeping it that way. Be well and live well man.

LordPorker · 2016-01-03T06:31:27+00:00

Get your T levels checked, as you sound like you're not too confident without drink.

Drinking also screws with your T levels (increases E2, which isn't good for males).

whycantitalktogirls · 2016-01-03T07:05:03+00:00

Russell Brand is an alpha who doesn't drink or take drugs. He does have a very peculiar energy that would be hard to replicate however.

I'm getting better at self-control within drinking and actually find that if I just have a couple beers and get buzzed I can still think straight while being more confident. In a way it helps to show you just how much you can actually get away with, i.e. how much kino, sexual talk, etc., but if you get too drunk you won't be able to clearly remember the experience and learn from it.

lilWyrm · 2016-01-03T09:10:44+00:00

Qutting drinking? Quitting is a beta trade, Alpha are not quitters. /s

I was in the same boat as you 2 months ago. I stopped drinking on October 26th, after a 4 day binge. Not a drop of alcohol since then.

What people are said are generally what I experienced in last two months. You are who you are and you will learn to be who you are sober sooner than you think. Its only natural.

With that said you will realize that every time you have gone out to have fun was to drink because the drinking was the fun. And you will learn to make other things of going out fun. You will also rethink your going out priorities.

antuasaloduibhir · 2016-06-02T11:02:54+00:00

If you want something to make you more social that isn't alcohol, try having a decent dose of a stimulant like caffeine, energy drinks or pre-workout. I barely drink and when going out to clubs etc. I always have two strong coffees beforehand. As you said that you just sit in one place and chill, being stimulated will make you hyper and not want to sit in one place. If you're in a club with loud music, then dance your legs off. Most people in clubs just sit around doing fuck all and drinking, not really having real fun. Get up on the dance floor and jump around like a fucking loon. Believe me, you'll be one of the few people there actually having good fun and it will also help you practise your skills of not giving a fuck. You don't need other people to have fun, have fun on your own like a true alpha. tl;dr drink coffee, dance like a motherfucker, have fun, fuck everyone else

Homosapiensized · 2016-01-02T21:41:42+00:00

If you can't handle your booze than stay away from it. Being a sloppy drunk is not alpha behavior.

2016-01-03T02:43:06+00:00

Keep drinking. Cut back through on big nights through discipline on a night out. Don't fetter yourself to the alcoholic pin because Some Christian group has defined " alcoholics" through their own marketing strategy of evalgicalism. You're not an alcoholic, your a big pussy with shit decisions when you drink. You get carried away with socialisig not Alcohol. Yeah you probably feel alpha as shit when being drunk but this is your inner alpha escaping for few moments as he is fucking relieved to escape when your weak pansy sober self doesn't let him out. To get over your social inadequecy, draw a line on a piece of paper and on one half put everything in your life which is untollerably you settling in a beta outcome, on one side and everything else on the other. Then scrunch up the piece of paper and know that it fucking all has to change.

I am in exactly the same boat- life of the party etc. just know drunk you is a wild piece of shit and have reasonable economic boundaries (drinking card with limited funds).

Title	How do I become fun and cool without drinking?
Author	cholomite
Upvotes	18
Comments	28
Date	January 2, 2016 9:02 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3z6pmx/how_do_i_become_fun_and_cool_without_drinking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/how-do-i-become-fun-and-cool-without-drinking.158666 https://theredarchive.com/post/158666

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