Hi ladies, I've had to make a throwaway account because my fiance knows my reddit username and I really need some advice on something that happened recently.

I'm 23, he's 29 and we've been together for 3 years (engaged for 1). Our wedding is set for March 2021. We've had a wonderful relationship where from the start we've both expressed how much we respect tradition, how I'd like to be a SAHM and I've always dreamt of having a big family to take care of. He's always gushed about how much he loves that about me and is willing to work hard to be able to provide and support for us so that I can build our family without ever having to worry about money. I was in college getting a degree in business and marketing when we started dating but I dropped out and just got a receptionist job for the time being until we started having kids. I didn't see the point in racking up more student debt for a job I wasn't planning on ever working in. We moved in together and he's been moving up at work, I've got my job and I've been taking care of the home. I love it. We've both been so excited about our future and especially since our engagement I just feel like I'm floating on a cloud with all the wedding planning.

However, about a month ago one of his friends from high school decided to throw a big party for his 30th back in their home town. My fiance was really excited to see his old friends and he said that he wanted me to meet them but I probably shouldn't go because his ex girlfriend would be there as well and she was crazy and would make me feel uncomfortable. Now he's told me about her in the past, she's actually the only other LTR he's been in besides me. They dated from 16-22 and then she broke up with him. He's said that she destroyed his trust in women and the reason why he was scared of commitment for years afterwards until he met me. I told him I'd be fine, I just really wanted to meet his friends because I wanted to know about every part of his life and we didn't even have to speak to her.

We get to his friends birthday and we go around and he introduces me to everyone. His ex is smiling at us and says to me ‘well if there’s one thing (my fiancé) deserves credit for, is his taste in women. You are gorgeous!’ We join the group and I honestly have never felt more intimidated in my life, she was so confident, charismatic, funny, smart. Masters degree educated, big career, lots of travelling, lots of experiences. Nothing like me. I start thinking – how could my boyfriend be attracted to her and also to me? We’re so different. And then he makes it worse – he started behaving in a way I’ve never seen before. He starts talking over her, trying to outdo anything she would say. He was making jokes about her accomplishments/stories, making rude/inappropriate comments, would brag about completely unrelated things just to appear better than her. Everyone was noticeably uncomfortable from the things he was saying, not just me. She didn't look bothered at all and, she asked me some questions, tried to get me included in the group conversations. I told her I dropped out of college, working as a receptionist, I love painting, cooking, yoga, I can’t wait to have a big family I can take care of once I become a SAHM. My fiancé laughs at me and butts in again and starts telling her that I’ll only be a SAHM for a little while and that I’ll be going back to college to finish my degree and pursue a career as soon as I can. He starts talking about how I’ll open up my own business with my degree and he’ll have saved up the money for me to be able to do that. It absolutely floored me because it’s so far from what we’ve discussed in the 3 years we’ve been together. I was so hurt and embarrassed by what he was saying. His ex looked at me and said ‘I think its wonderful that you are so passionate about motherhood, your future children will be so blessed to have you as their mother. It really is the most important job in the world. My mother was a SAHM and I am still so grateful to her for that, she’s my world.’ She was honestly so nice and genuine but my fiancé blew up at her. He started yelling at her, telling her to stop infantilising me, to get off her high horse and to stop meddling in our relationship. She didn’t argue back, she just listened and said ‘I’m sorry I came off that way, I truly do wish the best for your relationship’ and walked away. Some of my fiance’s friends came to tell him to calm down and he just brushed them off and said we’re leaving. And we did, barely an hour into a party we had caught a flight to attend.

He’s been in a foul mood ever since. We haven’t stopped arguing, he’s telling me that I should go back to school and finish my degree get a ‘real’ job. He’s changed his whole tune and it’s all because of her. It’s making me feel so insecure because I feel like he’s comparing me to his ex and now I’m inadequate. I love him and I want that future with him that we have been envisioning for 3 years. How do I go about talking to him about this? I’m so worried that he’s not going to accept me being a SAHM anymore, or if he does he just resents me for it. Have any of you ever experience your partner having a big mindset switch like this? With the wedding so close I’m getting so scared that he won't change his mind back and I'll have either give up my life's dream of being a SAHM or cancel the wedding :(