Well, I think I fucked up.

ImNotYourKunta · 2017-08-07T18:33:25+00:00

You want her to look like a trophy wife? Then provide a trophy wife lifestyle--nanny, maid, sweet in home gym, weekend trips for her to the health spa. Did you even get her a "push" present? Trophy wives get those. With your attitude I'd be tempted to gain wait just to spite you. You don't sound like a bad ass alpha male. You sound like a vacuous caricature of a real man.

SorcererKing · 2017-08-06T21:19:15+00:00

You're over-analyzing this small event. Hold the line, continue to lead by example. See what those test results tell you. If there is nothing wrong with her medically, you'll have to ask yourself one important question: what if this is as good as it gets?

Remember that the only person you have control over is you. You can try to inspire, you can lead, hell, you can cajole. In the end, she will do what she wants to do. All you can do is be the YOU that you want to be, and decide if you can/will tolerate whatever she chooses to be.

So in the next 1-4 weeks: STFU and lift.

dadstartingover_com · 2017-08-06T22:58:58+00:00

This is passive aggressiveness. "I feel a certain way about your behavior but I'm too scared to tell you overtly. I'm scared at what your reaction will be, and the thought of losing you terrifies me. Therefore, I will only hint at these feelings I have and act sneaky in the hopes that it will do the trick."

You have to be blunt. "Baby, I love you... but your appearance and lack of energy and focus is very unattractive to me. I'm sure you would feel the same way if I quit my job or gained a ton of weight and did nothing. I'm hear to help you however I can."

Then you sit back and watch the fireworks and keep your head high knowing you acted in the best interest of your relationship.

nooomaam · 2017-08-06T23:35:27+00:00

Is she breastfeeding? Is exercising a social activity for her (does it with friends only)?

What happens in 4 weeks?

You're getting worked up. Stop it. Decide how you want your family to operate, and then take steps to make that a reality.

It sounds like she's had a rough 9 months. Say that to her and let her talk. Don't respond. Just let her talk.

Lastly, it's not "the baby". It's your son. It's your daughter. While pumped for you, I also hear some unnecessary compartmentalizing.

frames676 · 2017-08-07T04:01:28+00:00

I would consider relaxing a bit.

You have a 9 month old, and 4 months ago, decided it was time for her to get back in shape? At that point, your wife was not, and likely still is not, even fully recuperated from the pregnancy. Come on man, after a woman gives birth to a baby, she goes through all sorts of hormonal and emotional changes. Sure, you see movie star chicks who hire personal chefs and trainers tout their magical bodies 3 weeks after they give birth, but for a normal, stay at home wife, you may want to manage your expectations. Give her time. Let her energy levels come back. Let her hormones dial back in. Let her rest a bit. She grew a human in her body under a year ago. Your human.

The other thing I detected in your post, is you seem to have an unhealthy relationship with food. Punishing yourself for having a single dessert does no good, for anybody, including your wife. Eating clean and healthy is great, as is working out, but anyone who is in great, athletic shape will tell you that it's more about long term consistency than short term intensity. Dessert will not de-rail your diet plan. I had icecream with my wife and kids tonight. It was delicious. Enjoy that shit sometimes, and let your wife enjoy it. No one likes a food cop.

Lead by healthy example, and be patient. She simply may not be spiritually ready to endure putting her body through the stress of diet and exercise. There's a very likely possibility that the BEST thing for her, the thing that will get her back to trophy wife status, is you allowing her space to rest and rebuild her spirits after the pregnancy.

Also, ease up on the food bro. Track your macros, and enjoy dessert from time to time. 1 lb of fat is 3500 calories, so even if you did have 2000 calories, you didn't even gain a single lb.

InChargeMan · 2017-08-07T05:11:39+00:00

and part of the agreement of her not working was that she was going to get in really good shape, like trophy wife status.

HAHAHAHAHAHA

OhJohnnyIApologize · 2017-08-09T16:30:58+00:00

Why would you marry a woman in okay shape and then expect her to get into "trophy wife" shape after growing and crapping out a human being?

If she wasn't in good shape before, she won't get in good shape now.

Babies FUCK. YOUR. BODY. UP.

Your expectations are ridiculous. If you wanted a shapely wife, you should have married a shapely woman.

weakandsensitive · 2017-08-07T07:15:32+00:00

Guys like you are the worst. You act like a gigantic bitch and then act all surprised when you get treated like a gigantic bitch. And then you come to MRP and tell the whole world about it.

Make a decision you dumb cunt.

CaptJohnLukeDiscard · 2017-08-07T00:03:54+00:00

More is caught than taught. You do you and she should come around eventually. Also, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Corny saying but it's true. If you piss her off on this, she easily could just decide she won't do it to spite you.

Bottom line, be awesome, don't be unawesome. Be attractive, don't be unattractive. Be fun, don't be unfun. But make it about you and know that for her to make lasting changes, it has to be because she decided to for her reasons, not her listening to you.

Sepean · 2017-08-06T21:47:29+00:00

Well, for the past 4 months or so she's been off of work, and part of the agreement of her not working was that she was going to get in really good shape, like trophy wife status.

You can't except your wife (or anyone really) to keep a deal you can't or won't enforce. So enforce it like any other boundary. Do you have a way of enforcing your boundaries? Is your SMV high enough that withdrawing affection works? If not you need to work on you first. If your frame and game is weak, forget about it. And from your way of talking about it, I doubt your frame is strong.

And stop pussy footing around it with half-baked expectations. You need concrete goals and timelines. Track calories, track weight. If 2-week-moving-average weight isn't dropping at the planned rate, reduce calories. This is cutting 101 and what you guys need to first agree on and then go through with.

A few pointers on frame:

it's perfectly fine that you want things that upset or inconvenience other people. Stop worrying that she's pissed.
if you "fuck up" you can ignore it, go at it another way or whatever you think is right. You don't need to atone or appear consistent or whatever it is you worry about. You want what you want and do what you do, including trial and error, mistakes and changing your mind.
fuck therapy and having a moderator. The important thing is knowing what you want, going for it, and having the leverage to make it happen. No third party agreeing will make up for half assed effort and lack of leverage.
don't be angry. Be fun, intense and energetic.

Neo_1975 · 2017-08-07T03:22:08+00:00

This sounds familiar. My son was as colicky as they come, and it drove us both batshit crazy. My wife definitely had postpartum depression, which is actually a real thing. If I could go back in time, I would definitely set up more fun outside activities and enforced doing them. Sitting around all day inside with a colicky baby will drive you insane. Plus, no sun = no vitamin D = depression. Step up locating some fun shit to do. Bonus if there are hot moms around to help increase the dread.

My particular situation is a bit different than any I have read here. Two kids, one with autism. Wife took the helm for several years due to the fact that I worked my ass off at a day job while running a small business owner of my garage at night in order to keep up with the overwhelming bills associated with autism (ABA therapy, etc) while she was a SAHM. Now the kids are in school and I am taking back the helm. My wife is wore out and depressed, and I am basically performing CPR and forcing her to come back to life. Forcing kids to do chores (laundry, cleaning up shit, dishes, etc). Whipping the house into shape, but having a fun time while I do it. Shit is starting to turn around, finally.

You have to take care of business first. Make the house function. But maintain your frame and have fun doing it. Even if she is moping about with a milkshake or a bag of Cheetos. Take your kid out and do fun shit (the zoo, riding the train at the mall and talking to hotties whose babymaking drive goes through the roof when they see a badass man with a young baby, shit like that). Invite the wife to come along, but don't let her piss and moan and whine until you agree to sit around and be miserable with her. After a while, she will get the message, then shit / comfort test you. That is when you pull her into your frame. 'I am having a lot more fun than you. I'm doing things, staying active, feeling great, meeting people. You aren't. Get with this program, cause it's way more enjoyable that moping about and feeling shitty'.

robthevoid · 2017-08-08T00:10:00+00:00

I did this. I came to a point in my life when I judged my wife's appearance as if it was mine to control. I told her I couldn't compliment her on her looks because I was afraid she would never change. She almost left me, I almost lost my kid and the love of my life. After a lot of soul searching I figured out that my insecurity with myself was bleeding out into my relationship. Be respectful of who she is regardless of how she looks.

MrSundance57 · 2017-08-06T21:46:12+00:00

It took my wife about a year or two to come around about her weight. So be patient. If she is pissed, OI, who cares anyway.. Couples thearpy will be a waste of time and money, but go ahead if you wish. I also see her getting anti depressents (ssri) from the doctor. Do not let this happen because it will kill her libido.

Yeah, stfu and lift. What great advice for so many things.

donedreadpirate · 2017-08-07T12:20:57+00:00

You are very outcome dependent on your wife getting in shape. Also your dread game sucks ballz. My suggestion is to re-read the 12 levels of dread, take them really fucking seriously, and completely forget about your wife getting in shape.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-08-06T22:02:59+00:00

Is this another autistic wolf thing?

I even have been trying to get her to go to couple's therapy for a few months so I could get this type of stuff up in the open and have a moderator,

I can see we have a lot of work to do.

Adavalion · 2017-08-09T03:02:01+00:00

Wow what a disgusting fucking piece of shit you are, i hope she leaves your abusive ass.

Fucking douchbag

Heathcliff-- · 2017-08-07T18:56:55+00:00

You will never be able to force her to act the way you want.

She needs to want it.

What will make her truly want to work out more?

The thought of you running off wifh some younger prettier thot. That's the only way.

Right now she's certain that you'd stick around even if she balooned.

If you start hanging out more with prettier friends and spending more evenings at the bar with yor buds... Well that hamster is gonna start spinning.

You cannot order your wife around, she will never respond to that, and you're not alpha enough to hold that kind of dynamic anyway. You need to be way more lax and gentle.

So the best way to do this? Do a 180, stop taking it so seriously, tell her it's not a big dral anymore she can get as fat as she wants.

Then start spending less time with her.

nooomaam · 2017-08-07T03:57:37+00:00

So you have fucked up the new dad thing. But it's okay.

9 mo in is not the time to rail on her about her weight.

New mothers and fathers need to admit the fact that you don't have all the answers, and that's alright.

I am concerned you may have some post mortem depression brewing. And you basically have to get her to want to engage fully.

You need her to open up because she'll withdraw and then you will have to deal with a wife that feels like a failure as a mom.

revivalive · 2017-08-07T06:11:43+00:00

I had a woman start to bloat out. I told her that women who love their men keep their bikini bodies all year round, and the ones that just diet for the summertime are already looking for another man. Seemed to do the trick for a while.

mrpthrowa · 2017-08-07T16:03:50+00:00

You communicate covertly like a woman.

Neutral_User_Name · 2017-08-07T16:45:48+00:00

Pregnancy is a huge bitch. Yes, you fucked up. Bahave like a man. Lead.

Soberskipper · 2017-08-07T07:15:53+00:00

The only thing you can do is stick by your guns with immense frame. I was in the same position about 6-7 months ago, Ltr is still overweight but not massively....she looks decent in bikini maybe a 7 and we've had 2 big 10 pound babies. I was honest and just basically said to her she's slipping and at 26 it's not acceptable, I also had to dread the fuck outta her (helped a female friend hb8 set up a small business which I do all the maintenance for, but initially had to spend alot of night hours there). Also passive dread and other contributing factors from her friends. But my frames had to be immovable because twice a week I'm getting near nuclear level shitests BUT the sexdrive has finally returned (for me, we know It was always there!). So atm I'm having a huge range of different shitests about literally everything and I'm passing 8 out of 10. Frame brother frame.

Rhunta · 2017-08-07T17:49:48+00:00

Not married and shouldnt even give advice, but you should be able to speak truth to your wife. Better to make it clear than turning around an issue for 3 months.

Nyquil-Junkie · 2017-08-08T03:15:29+00:00

I had a horse that ate to much and too fast. I had to put baseballs in his feed tub to slow him down and make him work at it. Not only did it keep him occupied but it kept him from eating to fast.

Ok that probably wont work on a wife but hey.... who knows.

vivavino · 2017-08-07T12:53:13+00:00

Have you ever considered that your wife just had a baby? NINE months ago? Do you know what kind of stress that puts on a woman, both physically and emotionally? How about, instead of getting angry with her, have a conversation about how she's doing with the transition to motherhood.

screechhater · 2017-08-07T11:31:38+00:00

Chosen Wolf ? Try. "MuttCub"

Read WISNIFG. Again

When in the Fuck do make a statement and just live with result ? When you are 100% behind it. As I own it.

You cannot control her. But you can start dread . Remember that. Also, if she is still breast feeding she has a few different hormones or is going to start slowing down on the production soon.

My advice to you ? STFU on the calories and cut. Lift hard and cut. She will want the same as the quality guy Fucking her

Couples therapy ? So you are afraid of your wife, is that right. ? Afraid of living a life of masculinity ? Tell me where in the side bar couples therapy if recommended ?

A third party is not necessary for a prize and his SO. Course you most likely do not view yourself as this

Look to the right. >>>> sidebar

JDRoedell · 2017-08-07T12:40:38+00:00

I was going to write some shit that mostly mirrors what's already been said, then I stopped. Your title says it all. Now fix it.

Edit: ok, I guess I care too much. regarding your wife getting in shape, that may take time. Or it may not happen at all. I've been crushing it in the gym for a solid two years now and my wife started working out religiously only about 4 months ago. Asks me what to do and how she can lose more fat. Two weeks ago she started altering her diet too. It takes time. 1,000 foot rope

matrixtospartanatLV · 2017-08-06T23:22:24+00:00

You've been on Reddit for about a year, how long have you been on MRP?

The answers to all your problems, and your questions, are simple, but they aren't easy.

The solution to your wife's behavior, staying overweight, asking you to keep your calorie counts to yourself, is right over there in the sidebar>>>>>>>>>>>>

Have you read the sidebar?

Are you a drunk Captain?

What's your BF%

DYELB?

What dread level are you at?

Have you read the WIKI?

Have you read the prerequisites?

When you answer those questions, you will be able to answer your questions, and your solution will create a slimmer wife who wants to give you porn star sex with spontaneous, enthusiastic blowjobs.

You want an answer?

Get to fucking work.

LIFT

READ

STFU

nooomaam · 2017-08-07T23:16:33+00:00

Hahaha. I just saw that.

Lateralanouncer · 2017-08-12T22:02:00+00:00

Re the desert thing. I don't know if this will help but I would have treated mine like a child so she can have her way without you loosing frame. Girl. I want desert. Me. Let me think about it, okay.. you have been a good....

I also think 9 months is a long time and both of you guys should be adjusted.

Vonderbeeks · 2017-08-07T15:07:42+00:00

I really screwed up by allowing her to order it

I'm new here, so please excuse me if I'm out of order. Do you normally direct her actions? Because this sounds somewhat emotionally abusive. Hopefully it was just your phrasing that was poorly conceived.

like trophy wife status

This is incredibly vain. I guess you're being honest, but if I were a woman, I don't think I could handle being held to such ridiculous standards. Being healthy should be your primary concern.

Well, yesterday I took care of the baby for about 5 hours and got tons done including cleaning the house, making lunch, keeping the baby happy, and managed to get 40 minutes on the squat rack.

This is called confirmation bias. There's almost no chance that you would report back any difficulty, because you set out to prove your point. And five hours is a meaningless amount of time compared to 24/7 without a day off.

purplehair0 · 2017-08-18T20:37:32+00:00

I may be nit-picking, but I hate that you called your own baby "needy". What the fuck else do you expect from an infant? Babies are not independent, you idiot.

Title	Well, I think I fucked up.
Author	ChosenWolf
Upvotes	33
Comments	69
Date	August 6, 2017 9:03 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6s0y16/well_i_think_i_fucked_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/well-i-think-i-fucked-up.198595 https://theredarchive.com/post/198595

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