thoughts on open marriage

saint_chalet · 2016-09-25T16:42:32+00:00

If it were me, I'd take the financial pain of splitting the house up. Here's why:

I'd want my kids to see that I have expectations that need met and if they aren't, I'll take action. I'd want them to see that I'm willing to sacrifice what I have for what I believe in. In this case, what you have is really a bit of a facade. You're trying to get the best of both worlds without any really pain involved. Which I find ironic because you're done such a great job in dropping the weight and doing the work in the gym. That took pain and sacrifice.

Now, when you and your wife "agreed" that you don't want to split the home, you both agreed that she doesn't want to lose some of security she's established. As a STAHM with young kids, you're basically saying that you're not going to support and protect her 100% of the time anymore if you split. She'll work to keep the current situation in check. It's her livelihood and nobody likes to see that challenged.

I feel you either find a way to get 100% of what you want in a marriage from your current wife or you split. Anything else, to me, is a really weak compromise. I don't think compromise on such an important topic is something you should even consider.

redearththeory · 2016-09-25T20:51:30+00:00

What you're talking about isn't really open marriage where the two people love each other but are allowed to sleep around. Its more separation and co-parenting while living in the same house.

SorcererKing · 2016-09-26T07:41:57+00:00

You could always do the whole "nesting" thing. Divorce, keep the house, kids live there full time, parents rotate in.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-09-25T14:36:09+00:00

Have you tried using your seduction skills on your wife? Why not meet her at the bar some time and pick her up. Then take her home and fuck with abandon. Why not try fucking her like you fucked your One Night Stands.

Aechzen · 2016-09-25T14:10:25+00:00

Congratulations on making yourself attractive and confident to get laid outside of your marriage. Your question reeks of: "I don't know what I want."

I think what you really want is for your wife to discover the passionate sex that convinced you to marry her in the first place. It doesn't seem like that's coming back, and it doesn't seem like dread or the strong evidence you're having sex elsewhere is convincing her.

What is your wife's value-add? Does she do anything that you by yourself cannot do better than she does? I understand not wanting to split custody on young kids. That's a huge part of my situation too.

So if anyone has experienced with an open marriage, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Is this realistic in the long term?

You have a companionate marriage for appearances, and maybe for property and child care purposes. Are you guys having sex at all? Does she know what you want from her?

The first rules are lift and STFU, but maybe you can come up with some goals for your marriage and consider sharing them with her. If you're just staying married to rub her face in the fact that you can get sex without her, that doesn't seem worthwhile. I'll ask again. What would you be missing if she wasn't your wife anymore?

drty_pr · 2016-09-26T09:35:45+00:00

This is something that has crossed my mind so many times. I have a part of me that would love to find out she is cheating so I could go get fucked myself. Having thought about it so much, I'll add my two cents.

The big argument on here is the impact on your kids. You know what can be devastating to a child? Step parents. Do you think she will stay single? Doubtful. What kinds of guys do you think she is fucking?

If you can get along really good, that means something. If you both do things for each other, don't fight and live a relatively normal life, it can work. With divorce rates as high as they are, your children will understand when they inevitably find out. Provided you guys are both actually doing it for them.

Also you know what you really want. Read between the lines of your post and all your comments on the thread man. All you want is a few dudes on here to tell you to "go for it bro!". Don't be a bitch. Be a decisive man. Only you can truly guage the subjectivity of this situation.

Furthermore I would suggest you privately consult an attorney asap. He will give you the answers nobody on here can. Maybe you can create a legal document of concent? Or at least to know what your up against should it take a nose dive.

TheFamilyAlpha · 2016-09-26T10:40:32+00:00

0kool74 · 2016-09-26T16:34:20+00:00

She said she could try on us again but I have no interest in that if it's purely out of an obligation to the kids. More starfish sex is not what I'm looking for.

BAM!!!!!!! And it's at this point that /u/Mrpnewb realized he's more than just a disposable wallet.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2016-09-29T04:21:00+00:00

An open marriage isn't going to do anything positive for your situation. I've been in a similar situation and all I can say is there isn't enough young, wild pussy in the world that can cover up a shitty home life.

Be the model you want for your kids. Two separate, happy households is far better than one melancholy home. I suspect you're really not truthful with yourself about how you feel about your wife being in your life.

RPSigmaStigma · 2016-09-25T17:30:34+00:00

Come join us over at /r/RedPillNonMonogamy. It's not very active, but there's some good content and if you post, you'll probably get at least a few replies.

HerrBrain · 2016-09-26T03:43:48+00:00

As for staying together for the kids, I had a gf in high school who's dad was physically abusive, mom finally left, but for an emotionally abusive guy. GF would start fights with me and when I told her I didn't want to fight, she would say that I didn't love her if I wouldn't fight with her. We weren't together too longer after that.

Kids learn how to interact with their partners from watching their parents.

You are not doing your kids any favours if you're staying together in this marriage, for their sake.

trp_dude · 2016-09-28T03:31:56+00:00

Wife gave me the I love you but not in love with you talk and repeatedly told me to go get a gf.

Yeah, my wife told me the same thing. Once my SMV got high enough, she started fucking me like a rabbit on speed. Do you want to fuck your wife or not? If not, go to u/therougepill. https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3l87kz/fr_two_year_married_red_pill_journey_lessons_and/

happilymarried30yrs · 2016-09-29T21:09:55+00:00

I think splitting up and finding a better partner would set a better example in the long run for your kids. Tell your wife that you want the kids to see what a good relationship is and not have them think that this horrible sham is what marriage is about. Terrible example to set.

jacksarmy · 2016-09-25T15:24:07+00:00

Open Cuckoldry https://therationalmale.com/2015/12/16/open-relationships/

Bear in mind that an ‘open’ relationship only serves a woman’s sexual imperative because she benefits from comfort, rapport, security and likely provisioning of the primary man with whom she’s come to this agreement with. In all honesty I’ve rarely met a guy in an open relationship who wasn’t a Beta at the mercy of his wife

Title	thoughts on open marriage
Author	Mrpnewb
Upvotes	6
Comments	45
Date	September 25, 2016 1:48 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/54f5uh/thoughts_on_open_marriage/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/thoughts-on-open-marriage.199516 https://theredarchive.com/post/199516

Comments