Starting again.

stonepimpletilists · 2016-04-28T12:26:01+00:00

The start would be a good place for it. Dread 1 is holding frame. If you don't have that, the rest isn't going to work.

Do you know what you want? What you really want? And not that shit you say to others to make it palatable? Do you have an objective goal that you can see if you pass/fail? subjective goals can be hamstered, more specific the better. In your last post a few months back, you talked about using your MAP to shave off the weak areas, but do you have a positive one? A place you are driving to be? Removing negatives put you at 0, if you want to be positive, you have to add positives.

And the big one, are you doing this all for her approval/validation? Or are you coming at this from a 'this marriage is dead, I'm getting ready for my life afterwards?' Your last post, you talked about the wifes 'comfort' as if it was the goal. YOU are the goal, and if you are prioritizing comfort, than what reason does she have to change anything? she's comfortable in her place already. Being outside the comfort zone is where real change occurs, and I get the impression that you've been dancing around the edges of it, but not going in.

The former is just choreplay, the latter is building real, authentic dread and improvement. It's hard to tell, you haven't really said much but that you've failed. I'm guessing a cross look from her and you back off, you've said as much yourself. I assume your back and forth over alpha/beta qualities and talking were a calibration thing? Because if you just pull it back every time she is less than pleasant, than it's just manipulation. She will cry at some point, you can't be afraid of hurting her feelings.

If anything, it's required. It's not a subtle thing getting ousted from the Captains chair. My first Captain cried in front of the whole crew during his change of command (as did half of us, that fucking asshole). And it's OK.

Also. Are you jaded? Letting it go will help.

And finally, as for the validation = sex bit you talk about other posts. If you just want female validation (of signals that you're a desirable man) what's stopped you from playfully gaming other women? If you're naturally flirty (or pretending to be) there's nothing stopping you from general, plausable denyable flirting and conversation with the girls you meet from day to day. It's hard to practice game with a 20 year battle axe. If you're not getting your needs with her, she doesn't hold the keys to the castle, she only gets first crack at it.

But it's been two decades, I'm sure it takes more than a year to unlearn, that which you have learned

cholomite · 2016-04-28T12:10:50+00:00

Don't do anything with the forethought that it will make your wife attracted to you. Yes, the goal here is to become more attractive and to fuck more, but as long as your goal is to get results from your wife, you're doing it wrong. You need to live and be happy completely independent from her, otherwise she will sniff out the neediness and nothing will work.

Do shit for you, stop giving a fuck about your wife.

dandar4600 · 2016-04-28T12:06:14+00:00

I think your problem is that you have not created a MAP yet. You are recognizing where the problem lies. Your wife still runs the show. She will always control sex. That won't change. Women control sex, men control commitment.

By your own admission you are failing Iron Rule of Tomassi #1.

The biggest problem is to recognize where you fail and you are there. Now create a MAP on how to wrestle away the frame and control of the ship from the first mate.

Persaeus · 2016-04-28T12:49:40+00:00

Your post history is devoid of any substantial detail on your relationship with your wife, your pre-wife history, or what levels of dread you have implemented. Makes it hard to provide any advice.

You asked a few months ago whether it was important to have a social life outside of your wife. YES, it is critical. What have you done on this front? Related, it is also critical to demonstrate your SMV to other people in front your wife.

cj_aubrey · 2016-04-28T13:08:01+00:00

her frame beats mine to death more often than not.

Why? Frame is the thing you have total control over. You decide things and stick to it. What happens when you two disagree that causes you to fold?

over60_stupid_loner · 2016-04-29T13:03:27+00:00

I'm not as much of a whiney needy beta bitch these days. The real problem though, wifey still runs the show, controls the sex and her frame beats mine to death more often than not.

The secret you didn't pass:

Frame. Frame. Validation-seeking. Frame. Validation-seeking. Frame.

Everything else follows…. or not

stargazer35 · 2016-04-28T16:49:19+00:00

so much bullshit from op in this thread.

CinnaMagister · 2016-04-28T12:26:06+00:00

I don't think you do feel better about yourself. Otherwise, you wouldn't post a 9 months-in victim puke. Your're validated by your wife, when or if she gives you sex. You aren't happy with yourself (yet). Keep improving. Take the suggestion of working on a MAP. You cannot let your wife run the show, so what specific things can you do, starting today, to start taking control of your own life and leading within your marriage?

En_sigma · 2016-04-28T13:55:28+00:00

You are not the prize in your marriage.
Outcome Independence is severely lacking. If everything up to and including divorce is not on the table, then she will charge your boundary every time.

FearDearg2015 · 2016-04-28T14:16:21+00:00

Sounds to me like you have a major covert contract that all the stuff you are doing somehow entitles you to a wife who behaves better. It doesn't. And a covert contract like that will hold you back, because it totally prevents you from internalising outcome independence.

Perhaps what's missing from your toolbelt is Game? Are you running good game on her? Are you seducing her? DEVI? As the man in the relationship, it's on you to initiate. That's how it works. And if you do initiate, but get starfish, then it's still on you to address that.

In short, it's not working because you are not doing "it" correctly. And "it" is totally defined by you. There is no "gold standard" cookie cutter "it" that you need to play at.

SexistFlyingPig · 2016-04-28T19:06:43+00:00

This is a great plan, especially the pacing.

Lots of guys try to rush things. "I just read TRP an hour ago, I did 6 push ups, and my wife didn't change. Hard next on my 16 year marriage?"

I have a friend who was heavy and got into a relationship with a girl who was heavy. He decided he wanted to adopt a vegan diet. He's a class A geek (I mean this in a good way), but he's very beta. His fat girlfriend nee wife said she wanted to have kids, he said they couldn't afford to have one yet, so she found a different guy to have a kid with. You might think this is a sad story, but it isn't. 1. He did get a new girlfriend who is MUCH hotter than his ex-wife. 2. His ex-wife did have a baby, and it's very ugly. My friend is still beta, but I don't think there's going to be much unplugging any time soon.

Frame is a hard thing to acquire. It's the one part of your personal growth that doesn't have clear instructions. You want more muscle? Lift 3 times a week according to a clear plan. Want to be in better shape? Fix your diet, plus lift. Want to learn how to hold frame better? Hold frame better.

Nergaal · 2016-04-28T20:27:17+00:00

You are making your wife too comfortable. If you were her, why would she try to do anything when she is already getting everything she wants from you? She might want sex in general, but why do you think she doesn't want sex from you? Because subconsciously she doesn't see you as an alpha. An alpha takes care of a pack not of an individual You take care of your wife, not of your couple.

spexer · 2016-04-29T15:34:39+00:00

are you the man you want to be?

UEMcGill · 2016-05-01T00:32:43+00:00

Sometimes a woman is just a cunt. Do you have an exit plan? If you can't walk away you'll never leave her frame.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-04-28T15:45:53+00:00

I'm wanting to create a thread for questions specifically on your book, as I go through it month on month.

This could be a great idea.

You are not really starting over so don't get discouraged. You are starting from where you are now, not where you were 9 months ago. So just like lifting, when you plateau you go back to basics. Maybe you even cut the weight and focus on form. However, you find that advancing to higher weights is a whole lot easier than before.

Title	Starting again.
Author	stargazer35
Upvotes	18
Comments	42
Date	April 28, 2016 11:17 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/4gtino/starting_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/starting-again.200053 https://theredarchive.com/post/200053

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