Wife Lies and ditches me with the kids

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-09-09T17:12:13+00:00

If she says she's going shopping and goes to the bar instead, that's lying. Women shopping are easily distracted by shiny objects. Next time she goes shopping and says she'll be back in an hour laugh and say, see you next Tuesday!

Redneck001 · 2015-09-09T17:11:17+00:00

Whenever my wife is going shopping, she tells me a time and I verbally add 30 minutes to an hour to it, and tell her if she's going to be longer, let me know.

If I'm planning to do something or go to the gym, I tell her what time I need her home.

But I just enjoy having the house to me and kids, or we'll go do something, so I don't usually mind. Unless I have some shit planned, then I just tell her my needs.

mabden · 2015-09-09T17:37:38+00:00

My wife has no concept of time or how long things take to do. The worst was when I am doing some project around the house, she says she has to go do whatever, so I stop, clean up and take over watching the kids. An hour later and she hasn't left yet. I learned (real fast) not to stop what I am doing until I actually see her pulling out of the driveway.

Unless you suspect she is doing more than shopping or whatever she is telling she is doing, then deal with it.

You can verify her 'shopping/errands' with odometer on the vehicle, reciepts, credit card and/or bank statements or at worst, gps.

mrpCamper · 2015-09-09T17:50:26+00:00

I have "regular time" and "wife time." "Wife time" requires an extra 30 minutes minimum to be added. I take this into account when planning dates (dinner/movie) or departure times for an event.

I really think women have a different conception of time. When i was asked when i was coming home from work the other day, i told her 6:30. She expressed surprised that I arrived precisely at 6:30. I explained that I have my commute time timed out and averaged and new when I would return by adding the commute time to my departure time. She also doesn't understand why I keep track of arrival/departure times on long-distance trips and gets angry when I remind her of our ETA, accusing me of "rushing" everything.

Same thing with grocery shopping. She said "well, what if you run into someone you know?" I explained that I am there to grocery shop. not chit chat and that my goal is to leave the store in the shortest possible time after spending the least amount of money. Again, this caused expressions of confusion and angst.

HeManPageBoy · 2015-09-09T17:05:40+00:00

Man, I think that is just called every woman, ever. Unless you suspect her of some nefarious dealings while she is out, I would just enjoy the time with the kids, they will be grown and gone soon.

cholomite · 2015-09-09T16:47:47+00:00

Women seem to take twice as long as men to do anything. If you're expecting your wife to be able to complete a task with the same calculated logical thought process as you, then you will always be disappointed. I don't really understand what the problem here is. Do you want your wife to be able to give you a better assessment of how long she will take? Do you think she is taking longer because she is doing things that she shouldn't be doing? Is she causing you to cancel things because you are stuck with your kids? Not much to really say about this post other than to establish boundries with your wife or just accept that women take longer than men when shopping and running errands and factor that in when she tells you she's leaving.

If I were you I would make it mandatory to teach her to drive stick so you're not stuck at home. You need to stop focusing so much on your wife and instead focus on what you need to do to get the results you want. You're stuck at home for 3 hours with no car because you let your wife stick you at home with no car for 3 hours. Do what needs to be done to remedy this situation. No one on here knows all the details of your life enough to be able to give you a clear cut answer.

rocknrollchuck · 2015-09-09T17:50:49+00:00

I pretty much agree with everyone else that women are just plain clueless about knowing how much time something will take. Just take however long she says she will be gone and multiply it times 3 and there will be no problem because you can have a realistic time frame to work with. If you have something to do in that time, give her a time to be back by (based on the 3X estimation) so she has a deadline. It doesn't sound like she's doing it intentionally based on what you've shared.

mrpCamper · 2015-09-09T17:19:57+00:00

You're really not describing any behavior or action that is out of the ordinary here. Like everyone is saying learn to relax and enjoy the time away from her and with your kids.

Change your attitude as it's all you can change.

Let her learn that her absence is not missed or noticed. I usually divide my time up when the wife is gone. Some dedicated time with the kids and then some dedicated time to myself with the kids occupied with whatever. say it's an hour then it's wrestlemania for 30 minutes followed by a tv show of their choice while I read or what have you.

edit for clarity: wrestlemania meant we all get active and wrestle each other or some other Dad centric crazy activity like that.

Flathatter45 · 2015-09-09T18:01:50+00:00

Sounds like AWALT. Whenever my wife gives me a time estimate, I double it. Whenever she gives me a cost estimate, I multiply it by a factor of four. If that figure puts us over budget, I ask her to go over the details with me. After twenty years of asking how much and getting "just a couple of bucks.." and getting a bill for $50 or more, I finally wised up. Money burns a hole in their purses, and while shopping time has no meaning.

enfier · 2015-09-09T17:18:56+00:00

At some point you are trying to teach your cat to fetch and it's just never going to work out the way you hope it to.

If you want her back, send her a text when she's been gone for 45 minutes and tell her that it's time to come home. If she's going to be gone for 3 hours, then have her take the kids with her.

Realistically, she's probably tired of the kids and enjoying being by herself so she stretches it out.

Jessie_James · 2015-09-10T11:56:53+00:00

Sounds like your wife needs some time away from the kids. That's normal.

Personally, I pack some stuff up and walk to our nearest park and let the kids play. Wife comes home and starts frantically texting me asking where I am. It's good in a lot of ways to do that.

Everyone wins.

Rasalom72 · 2015-09-09T16:21:10+00:00

How much of a captain are you right now? And do you have plans or are you just butthurt that she isn't respecting you?

Have you set boundries already? Are you expecting her to behave as you would? Perhaps she feels that she is being practical and getting all her errands done at the same time while she is out instead of doing them seperate days?

Maybe she is visiting Chad while she knows you are at home with the kids?

Lots of different ways this could be going.

[deleted] · 2015-09-09T17:28:05+00:00

How would you deal with this bullshit?

Well, if you have someplace to be tell her she needs to be back before X time.

If she goes and you don't tell her when you need to go then whose fault is it?

If you just want her back in a certain amount of time "because" you'll need to have a better reason or make up one.

Now, if you do this and she blows through the deadlines you'll have a reason to come back and puke.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-09-09T23:07:23+00:00

What's your goal here? To control your wife's behavior when she goes out shopping? Does it really matter, since you've said you're not worried about cheating. If you want to let her know that she's way off on her estimates, then when she returns, say "You said you would be gone an hour, you were gone 3 hours." Don't be mad about it. Don't really even be irritated about it, just state it as simple fact. If she says something, makes an excuse, blabbers on, gets defensive, whatever, just ignore it. It's an issue that bothers you because she's not doing what she said she would do. But do you get mad at your kids for stealing cookies from the cookie jar? I mean, they ARE kids. It's what kids do. So your wife is shitty with time. Maybe she's just not good at managing it.

Focus on the things that you can change. Focus on Daddy-time-with-the-kids and make something of it.

OpiumPhrogg · 2015-09-10T21:57:31+00:00

Relevant: http://i.imgur.com/nB5kg7f.jpg

My wife pulled shit like this but had nefarious intentions behind it. The last straw was when she claimed she had to do something ( I can't remember, shopping with a friend, covering a shift at her job as a waitress - NEVER LET YOUR WIFE WAITRESS - whatever). She claimed she was only going to be out for a few hours, she left early in the morning, by 6pm I was starting to worry, I couldn't get a hold of her, and nobody knew where she was. Eventually I find out that she was on a FUCKING BOAT PARTYING. She walks in the house, I promptly grab the keys, and whatever shit I needed, didn't say one word to her and left.

5 hours later I come home, most of my clothes are out in the yard, I actually didn't even give a shit, I walk in to find her on the couch, crying and whimpering because she has a 2nd degree sunburn on 70% over her body. I had zero sympathy. In fact, that is just one of the many things she did, this was at least 7 years ago. Needless to say, I still don't give a shit, it pisses her off something crazy that I am such a cold hearted bastard that doesn't care about her feelings.

Title	Wife Lies and ditches me with the kids
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	34
Date	September 9, 2015 4:14 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3k9cqi/wife_lies_and_ditches_me_with_the_kids/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/wife-lies-and-ditches-me-with-the-kids.201076 https://theredarchive.com/post/201076

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