The Reckoning - Checking Out

BluepillProfessor · 2015-04-28T16:54:50+00:00

I absolutely love Rollo posting on MRP but...I really thought the last post was not especially helpful to married buys choking down the bitter pill. Talk about rubbing salt in the wounds!

This is a common reaction and you expressed it exactly. So much pussy, so little time. So much effort for that old, cold pussy when this game thingy and my high SMV means I could have it lined up out the door and be ass deep in tangy poon within a month.

Once again, my post on Dread works- but it sometimes works a bit to well. Sometimes during the journey of faking OI till you make it the guy realizes, wait, I really COULD do better than this.

This is your 'Test.' Don't fail the Test. Keep going forward. I always say don't make life altering decisions while you are in the Anger Phase and now I expand that to advise you not to make life altering decisions while you are going through the reckoning.

There will be plenty of time to decide whether you truly want to neeexxt your wife a year from now.

alpha_n3rd · 2015-04-28T15:52:37+00:00

I feel you, Bro, kind of feeling the same way. I'm trying to kick it up to dread level 8. Are you?

wantonton · 2015-04-28T18:03:22+00:00

You might be unfairly comparing your old feminist conditioned expectations for marriage, and the way yours doesn't meet those expectations, to the shinney newness of other women and the unlimited potential you believe they possess.

It's a bit of alpha widow in reverse. Husbands must forever be judged by the reality of the work they do to maintain/achieve what they have. Old boyfriends are only remembered by the flash they showed w/o regard to how shallow such flash was or how unsustainable it might have been--she felt great and that's all that matters.

You are actually at a good place. You don't give a shit. You could leave tomorrow. But if you do, do it because it's right for you w/o regard to anyone else. Those other women have shit on their asses as well. They'll pose different problems which won't have the added weight of feeling like repeats of last month's issues, but they'll have problems. So will the next girl and the next...

Use where you are at to as the starting point for where you should go. If she's too fat to be attractive, tell her. If she's socially inept, tell her. Well, actually lead her. Take her to the gym. Guide her through how she should interact with you and others. But also make the reasons why clear. She's a woman, she can pick up on the subtlety of a pointed look.

Something which surprised the shit out of me, but shouldn't have, was the appreciation my SO developed for our relationship and me when she really started having to work for my affection (I made it very clear I was in very deep though about leaving, w/o ever having actually said that). She now has a new type of entitlement, "Do you know how hard I've had to work for this?" The relationship and I have a lot of value. She knows how much value because she's had to pay it. It's like people who fall into a bunch of money. They almost always blow it because they can't really appreciate it, but those who've earned every penny appreciate every penny. There's a reason we have the term "trust fund brat." She also stays in front of that exchange. She went from always trying to push off sex to insisting we have it. If I try to deffer, she will absolutely insist on the fact that she IS NOT going to be the one dropping the ball. She can become very insistent on the matter.

We actually got into a fight a few weeks ago because I knew she was stressed with something and thought, I'd give her her space and she was thinking she needed to blow me. She about had a full collapse with her absolutely demanding to suck me off. Only afterwards did I realize what was going on. She wanted the assurance in our relationship and her assurance of it's strength as exemplified by her hard work and success in it to balance her anxiety about other unknowns in her life.

whinemoreplease · 2015-04-29T04:31:58+00:00

No real kick needed. As you learn to value yourself more, your interactions with people change. My philosophy is simple, I don't deal with low quality people. Figure out how patient you're willing to be with her for her to catch up. Failing that, divorce/concubines should always be options on the table.

Let me know if you want something more in depth. I actually don't think your situation is too unique.

Also, really tired from a day of flying so will probably look at this in detail tomorrow because you made some specific requests.

RBuddDwyer · 2015-04-29T11:08:25+00:00

Part of me wonders if my reactions to the reckoning are subliminal attempts to induce more dread.

Bingo!

TrainingTheBrain · 2015-04-28T15:02:56+00:00

Swallowing the pill is an exercise in pain, frustration, anger, and reconciliation every damn day, and the past few weeks have been compounded by the reckoning.

Why? I get having your reality altered and seeing the truth for the first time can be a bit of a shock, but why let it foster anger when it could be used as fuel for reaching higher peaks in your life?

The double standard in which I have to work 100% for this relationship and she can just cruise along is really starting to wear me down

You are the one who sets the tempo your family follows. If you refuse to accept mediocrity and refuse to reward failure, then her behavior will change.

She made it clear she wanted sex last night and I ignored it

She begins to show the behavior you desire then you reject it. Now she doesn't know what the fuck it is you do want.

My Advice

Find enjoyment in your life and don't reminisce on the past as it's gone, move on. You're a Man and with that comes the burden of leading. You don't ;lead, then you stay where you are. If you want to improve your quality of life then get your wife active with you so she loses the weight. Take her out and show her that you can get attention from other women.

She doesn't introduce you because she isn't proud of you. She doesn't see you as someone worthy of promoting so she sticks to her selfish self. Women are not Men stop expecting her to act with a code of honor and respect as that is how you would act.

She is a woman who needs an Alpha to lead her and if you're going to be that guy then you need to focus on what you have and stop fantasizing.

Without action, words are just words. I have no idea how often you lift, what you've read, or anything like that so take my advice and apply it where it fits. But if you aren't lifting and standing tall then you can't expect shit to change.

SexistFlyingPig · 2015-04-28T18:59:33+00:00

It sounds like you're tired and indifferent. What would energize you? Hot sex 7 days a week? Nothing?

If you haven't told her you loved her, kissed her, or touched her for the past few weeks, you're at level 8 dread, unless you're just constantly feeding her validation in all other ways.

But to be honest, it sounds like you're going the passive-aggressive route with her. Just tell her exactly what you want and what you're going to do if it doesn't happen. Don't make her guess. Don't make her play mind reader. That's a woman's game, not yours.

UEMcGill · 2015-04-28T19:21:47+00:00

So go fuck some strange. Being red pill even in marriage is realizing you have options. So exercise your option. Every man needs to realize he can walk away from a bad deal. Sometimes you need to fuck a little strange to realize the value of your deal.

Either way I don't give a fuck. I don't judge, but is that what you really want? If I would bought Apple stock instead of plug power id be a fucking gazzilionaire but I didn't so I can't lament it. The past has no bearing on the future. You're no unicorn and it ain't different for you. Put a plan in place and make that your purpose. If you find out your wife doesn't meet that purpose, be a kind leader and next her.

cegh · 2015-04-29T09:42:07+00:00

All this comes down to that you are covertly doing so much for yourself yet expect your wife to give you something in return.

While dread in itself is useful, it's still a covert contract where you get a good body, dress well and impress other women in order for your wife to realise what she might lose. The problem is if you are doing all this she might not know what to do in order to pick up the slack, so you need to lead her.

When you stated some problems, did you actually tell her not to do it again. IE when you meet her friends, does she now introduce you to people? If you haven't said anything to her then you can't be mad at her since she thinks that behaviour is ok. This is a covert contract of you EXPECTING something without stating what.

Ok she has gotten fat, you need to tell her when you reject her not take her cinema instead. She will cry and say you don't love her all a ploy so you end up saying "don't worry you don't have to change, I love you no matter what". Stick to your guns.

When she does start exercising reward her for it though because it shows she cares about your relationship.

You want her to do sexy things for you in bed, tell her if it requires her ie buying sexy clothes, or dominate her in bed and do whatever you want with her.

Whenever you tell her something to change and she does it, that's a good sign and she should be rewarded for it.

Start passing shit tests if you havent already, this is very important. Every test you fail lowers your SMV even if you look in great shape. Tease her more and be playful too when she is doing what you say.

Then when the time comes and she doesn't do any of this, take it away from her. Take away emotions and your commitment. If that fails it's time for divorce.

It might be good if you gave more examples of what you do for "provide direction and energy in our relationship" and why this is a strain on you in order to solve this.

turbosympathique · 2015-04-28T16:56:15+00:00

I so understand what your going trough. I have been RedPill aware for the better part of the last year. Been married for more than 20 years, which was a hell ride for me. I did turn thing around pretty quickly and my wife is on board. But still I linger at time at the possibility still in front of me. For me the solution to this dilemma was trough introspection and figuring out what I wanted out of life for my happiness.

This is a hard dilemma. You know the saying "when there's a will there's a way"? Well if your hearth is not into it, I don't think you can salvage your marriage if YOU rather be doing something else with your life.

The only advice I can give you is to take a good hard look at what you want for YOUR future and then act accordingly.

fasterpussycatdie · 2015-04-28T18:35:43+00:00

What could happen is you leave her and live the life you want, it will be amazing and all of the stuff you think you missed out you'll get to do and your life will be fulfilled and awesome.

What would probably happen is you leave her and all the stuff you think you missed out on you desperately try to find only to discover that you had it pretty good and you pretty much blew it and now you're just chasing the dragon.

FOMO is a helluva drug. Is everyone else really having a better time than you?

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-04-30T01:04:21+00:00

I'm currently at level 4 or 5 dread.

Ahhh, sweet, sweet Dread.

See if she still behaves this way at level 8 or 9. I see great things in your future.

RedPillJohnny · 2015-04-28T21:20:42+00:00

Read Models by Mark Manson. Every MRP guy here should read it as well.

I'll also add that the recommended "sexual break time" that Glover suggests in NMMNG really worked for my marriage. I was all over my wife in an annoying beta way before our "1 month of no sex" and now I barely touch her but when she touches me she means it and so do I, so the "break" flipped the script for both of us...and before the break I would bet my life that a "sex break" would do nothing to my marital situation except maybe allow us a night or two of passion before things went back to the way it was before...so far so good!

Title	The Reckoning - Checking Out
Author	slimcoat
Upvotes	8
Comments	58
Date	April 28, 2015 2:45 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/345psd/the_reckoning_checking_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/the-reckoning-checking-out.202039 https://theredarchive.com/post/202039

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