Fiance and I rarely have sex, maybe twice a month. Do I call it off?

real-boethius · 2015-04-02T03:30:30+00:00

If you marry her, you will look back fondly on these times of twice a month as "the good old days".

Jettison - now.

The only caveat is if you start applying LTR game you might be able to turn things around. But verify that before you sign up for indentured marriage slavery.

spexer · 2015-04-02T03:51:03+00:00

1st, your post suggests you are not red pill - so I wouldn't end the relationship until you have become the man you want to be (one that will attract her).

2nd, I would delay the wedding. Do not say it is because of a lack of sex, remember you can not negotiate attraction. Tell her "I cannot become a husband until I am first the man I want to be." I can tell you I am working on it."

rebuildingMyself · 2015-04-02T02:51:52+00:00

Yes. Otherwise, start frequenting /r/deadbedrooms. It won't get better

regretfullyMarried · 2015-04-02T08:21:45+00:00

I don't say this lightly, but yes you should call it off. She is not attracted to you and marriage will only make her less attracted to you, leading to even less sex.

Even if you start to improve yourself and dread her into more sex, I would be very concerned that she wants to marry you right now when she's not attracted to you, that indicates she is using you and you're a clear BB. I would be very worried about her mind set.

Note - If you ask she will say she is attracted to you, but clearly she is not.

You don't have to break up with her, as if your SMV is lower than hers and you get yours higher then things will probably improve. But certainly do NOT marry her - at least not until she suxs or fucks you, whenever and however you want it, every day for a year.

wakethfkupneo · 2015-04-02T09:17:44+00:00

Eject immediately! Don't think twice.

She sees you as beta bucks and The Divorce Rape Axe is already swinging above your head. And even that scraps you're still getting will be off the table the moment you put a ring on it. And her already cheating you is highly likely (I'd be willing to put money on that bet). And even if she hasn't yet, it's almost guaranteed she will (I'd be willing to put lots of money on that bet).

Consider yourself lucky she opened her cards way too soon so you can fold safely.

jons_throwaway · 2015-04-02T09:51:54+00:00

Run you mofo. Do not settle into a deadbedroom.

feminazis_stalk_me · 2015-04-02T11:57:27+00:00

THE GOOD NEWS - she is "just" your fiancee and NOT your wife yet. This means that you live together, but you're not legally bound to her and you can still extract your life from hers. You wisely recognized her shitty sex drive as a sign of things to come, and you are absolutely correct.
THE BAD NEWS - Leaving her is still going to be messy and traumatic. In fact, most guys choose to stay because of the Sunk Costs Fallacy. Even if you call her on her shitty behavior and she "has a breakthrough" and realizes you're right and gives you the hot monkey sex you crave, realize that it's just a front, and she's providing temporary "duty sex" to placate you into furthering your commitment to her. If you stay with her, things will only get worse. The situation will not un-fuck itself, and her lack of sex before marriage will ensure that you have ZERO during marriage unless she wants kids. And then it's back to zero after they arrive.

Any relationship is a "give and take". You give her the security of a committed relationship and she gives you... her companionship? Most women would agree that that's "enough", and those would also be the same women who aren't fucking their men. Men NEED sex to be happy, women just enjoy sex sometimes, but can easily read a book when the attraction isn't there.

It sounds to me like her lack of attraction has dried her up and she's just riding it out so she can get her "big day" out of you with her fancy dress, her expensive ceremony and her really expensive ring. It would be a much better investment for you to ditch your fiancee and find another woman who fucks you like a banshee and let her know that when the sex ends, the commitment ends. At this point, it might be better to start over and find the relationship YOU WANT instead of settle for the relationship you're stuck with.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-04-02T15:03:27+00:00

My now wife was a fuck monster when we were dating. She loved when I shot it on her. I found the one. I popped the question, put the ring on. I was thinking sex that weekend was going to be epic. It was mediocre at best. The tap was slowly turned down a bit leading up to the wedding. Not too much to notice but the stress of planning a wedding, seemed at the time a valid reason. She got the wedding she wanted. I had to ask for wedding sex and it was sort of a let's get this over with I'm tired. Again, in the way we were raised, totally okay by those standards. Wedding night sex doesn't always happen because of being so tired and hungry, I get that but still you're never that tired (maybe drunk). Then an eight day honeymoon to French Polynesia. It was satisfying but still, I got laid a mere 4 times. When we got back sex was once a week and became very binary/functional, even trying to have a baby. Then our first big fight happened two months ago, guess what about? Lack of sex. I still haven't gotten laid since. So I married a women with an alleged high libido and look how it turned out. If sex is as important to you as it is to me then you need to set that expectation up front with your fiancé. Don't side step the issue, don't be a nice guy like I was because you don't want to upset princess with a difficult conversation. Do it. If she can't handle it then you have to make the hard choice. Get out. I was a nice guy, hopeless romantic, now marriage has me so jaded.

[deleted] · 2015-04-02T02:50:01+00:00

Yes. If you think it'll get better, it won't. You'll just be pissed off and angry. Find someone more interested in making you happy instead of just taking.

Also, the tl;dr is don't get married.

DanG3 · 2015-04-02T14:16:18+00:00

Abort! Eject! Stat!

BluepillProfessor · 2015-04-02T14:30:24+00:00

I have to beg for anything.

BEFORE the honeymoon? Seriously? Do you have any fucking idea how bad it will get when you are married? Do you have any fucking idea how much WORSE it will get when she shits out an anchor trophy?

My knee jerk response is...RUN. RUN like the wind. Run fast, run far, run anywhere away from this person. Just...fucking..Go.

If you are in any doubt, visit /r/deadbedrooms if you want a glimpse of your future.

But I know you way to Blue Pill right now and are not going to leave her due to your overwhelming oneitis. So, it is possible you can turn this around and get the sex life you NEED from this person. Again, let me remind you that it is usually far, far easier to cultivate new, fresh pussy than to warm up an old, cold, pussy.

IF you were married I would say use Dread. Read the MRP sidebar and the TRP sidebar, especially on Shit Tests. Then start at Level 1, begin answering Shit Tests appropriately. Sounds like you will have plenty of opportunities to practice!

Then improve yourself. Go lift. Get in shape. Read the books on the Sidebar. If I were you I would start with the Book of Pook and then move to MMSL and the MAP. Build a fun, exciting life apart from your sexual denying woman and LEAVE when she is "not in the mood." Most important: STOP REACTING NEGATIVELY TO HER SEXUAL DENIALS. Begging doesn't cut it.

Once you get a busy, active life, when she denies you roll your eyes and STOP GIVING HER ANY ATTENTION. Best case scenario you leave the house and go hang with some buds, returning after she is already asleep.

Nodeal_reddit · 2015-04-02T04:12:26+00:00

Why are you asking? You know the answer. Just break it off. Don't try to talk it out because the worst thing that could happen would be for her to promise to change, and even to go full slut mode for a few months. That will just string it out. Regardless of what happens before the wedding, you know that the other commenter's mention of this being "the good ole days" is spot on.

dontpet · 2015-04-02T07:32:57+00:00

Ochreata · 2015-04-02T14:36:55+00:00

Noticed the overwhelming direction of the replies OP?

You get sex once a fortnight with a whining starfish and you are still contemplating marrying it? Just what is it she gives you that would make you want to stay with her? It's obviously not sex...

TheGreasyPole · 2015-04-02T08:22:14+00:00

Are you hotter than her ? Does she know it ?

If the answer to both those is yes, then this ain't going to get better. Her natural attraction to you is maxed, it would seem in this circumstances this is close to her natural libido. If this is mismatched with yours, then you shouldn't get married.

If the answer to those are no, then there is an opportunity to improve the situation by improving yourself. You're currently negotiating attraction. There might remain an option here of creating it naturally by self-improvement. Her natural attraction would not be maxed, and you could get a surprising increase in her libido by pursuing this path. (no guarantees though, she may or may not respond).

Taking this path also allows you to make a decision between "in or out" from a position of greater strength. It's easier to choose "out" when you are in the best possible shape to pursue an alternative because your attractiveness as a man is higher.

There is so little information it's hard to advise. I just don't know how far down the RP path you are.

Probably the best advice is...If you're not sure you want to get married... You shouldn't get married.

Given your current doubts, you shouldn't be picking a date. If you don't immediately decide to call it off I'd second the advice above

I would delay the wedding. Do not say it is because of a lack of sex, remember you can not negotiate attraction. Tell her "I cannot become a husband until I am first the man I want to be." I can tell you I am working on it."

rediscover03 · 2015-04-02T08:58:10+00:00

Most definitely. Hard to change and improve from this level. Read stories from guys here. Sex drys up if you're not careful even from very frequent levels. From where you are: you're only going to make yourself even more miserable if you keep her.

thegr8b8m8 · 2015-04-02T11:04:19+00:00

Problems that you see before you are married are only going to be so much more exacerbated when you have been married for awhile. Throw kids in to that picture and it could be really ugly for you man.

Moldy_Gecko · 2015-04-02T11:08:14+00:00

If you have to ask us, you know the answer and are here for validation.

DanG3 · 2015-04-02T15:35:52+00:00

There is nothing attractive, aesthetically or biologically, about a woman who is not enthusiastic about sex. She may as well be 300 lbs. The "whys" of why your fiancé is not enthusiastic are NOT important at this stage of your relationship. She has not passed the vetting process. Move on. There are plenty of women out there who will love sex with you without all the caveats. Give thanks that you have not married her yet. Move on.

[deleted] · 2015-04-02T16:17:05+00:00

when I finish it's everywhere

That's how it's supposed to be!

I have to beg for anything

Dude, save yourself, get out of this toxic relationship, and go find someone who is more sexually receptive. Also, lift.

fauxscot · 2015-04-02T17:07:59+00:00

Let's say you move the date of your marriage up to tomorrow.

Do you expect anything to change by the weekend? How about maybe.... next weekend? Or next month? Do you really? Be honest.

What you see is what you get, bud. You need the internet to tell you this?

Is this how you describe 'happy' or 'compatible'? Do you want to be happy? Do you want to marry someone compatible?

Is this a preview of your upcoming problem solving strategies either alone or with this woman? Might be you are in trouble if so.

Good time to get yourself some training in how to make good decisions.

Marriage now, to this woman, certainly doesn't seem like one.

Call me a pessimist, but if you are expecting her to sprout new arms and legs or maybe wings, and change skin color from whatever the hell it is to bright blue, you stand an equivalent chance.

Because of a ceremony?

Silly boy... don't go there. You probably will, but you really should not.

You are under no obligation, ever, to sacrifice your life for someone else's happiness. You can choose to, of course, but your main job is to get this one chance you have a life to work out the way you want it to.

I'm betting this isn't on your bucket list.

Realworld52 · 2015-04-02T12:39:09+00:00

Yes, take the pain today of going through the breakup as a gift to the future unhappy you if you don't break it off.

NSA_web_spider · 2015-04-02T16:16:37+00:00

Run now. Run fast. Run far.

Do you honestly see yourself happy with the situation going forward? Do you believe that it will improve?

I believe in LTR's, but seriously, this is not a salvageable situation. No amount of talking to your partner will get you past this.

[deleted] · 2015-04-02T14:18:08+00:00

Delay until you can truly evaluate from a firm ground if it was you or her. Most likely at this point you.

While I enjoy going downtown , my sex life dramatically improved the moment that became a severe rarity.

Postpone, make a M.A.P. (male action plan) and go to town improving yourself and smv.

And what /u/spexer said: "I cannot become a husband until I am first the man I want to be" that's a fucking gold standard way of putting her off. If you can't muster it with feeling try "I'm just not at the point now where I want to get married." And stick to it. The good part is it'll add a big rp component to her brain "dread". Don't fall for an immediate increase in sex to get you to recommit.

In reality what you should be doing is bumping her back down to plate status. Go lift, focus on your career, and consider other possibilities.

From your current base-point...it'd go nowhere but downwards after a ring is on her finger an Uncle Sam gets involved.

[deleted] · 2015-04-02T15:02:27+00:00

"Do I call it off?" You already know the answer. The question isn't do you call it off... rather it's can you call it off?

Psychologically it's a difficult thing to do. But ending it will make you a stronger person in the long run.

If you aren't willing to do what's best for you, why would she?

I8Wiozz · 2015-04-02T20:32:38+00:00

Can you give a list of all the reasons why you shouldn't end it?

dandar4600 · 2015-04-02T13:33:44+00:00

If it's everywhere finish inside her, or in her mouth or in the condom. That's a shitty excuse. Don't use tissues, use a towel.

Delay wedding until she changes. I'll bet sex dried up when you proposed. If delay of wedding is off the table then dump her and consider yourself lucky.

castlecrasher2 · 2015-04-02T19:53:37+00:00

I feel like I've stumbled into an r/relationships thread, and I vehemently disagree with everyone saying to abort, jump ship, what have you.

AWALT: the next one you try to date will do the exact same thing. The problem isn't her, it's YOU. You are either physically or emotionally undesirable, or you have not properly demonstrated how important frequent intimate contact and sex are to you.

"I have to beg for anything" is proof enough that not even you respect yourself. Why would she?

Despite this, there's a difference between jumping ship because you're dissatisfied with the status quo and jumping ship because she's legitimately not a good potential for a wife. I suspect you're in the former and that if you leave this relationship the same thing will continue to happen. You can either be a victim to your circumstances and give up or own up and take control of you, lay out your expectations to her, and be a man.

Tom_The_Human · 2015-04-02T20:56:32+00:00

I have to beg for anything.

You need to read the side bar, my friend.

ElGuapoMiguel · 2015-04-03T17:12:59+00:00

I agree with everyone, call it off or you are really going to regret it. At your stage, this is where the sex is best, it does not get better in marriage, but declines. If it sucks here, it will be very bad in the future. Sorry, but it is true.

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-04-06T18:53:56+00:00

You're in luck. You said 'fiance' and not 'wife'.

Do. Not. Marry.

Anyone.

JonnyJaded · 2015-04-07T15:18:02+00:00

Jesus reading this reminds me of my starter wife before I said "fuck it, I'm out" and got divorce raped. Postpone the wedding and get your shit together!! Once you are the man you want to be THEN take a long look around. If you aren't getting what you want from her by then...hey fuck it! You tried! Pop smoke and leave the bitch. But STOP BEGGING FOR SEX! STOP IT! YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF!

Chrysoscelis · 2015-04-02T10:56:32+00:00

finish everywhere. ? What does this mean? Quit spraying cum like a fire hose and maybe she will be more agreeable.

Title	Fiance and I rarely have sex, maybe twice a month. Do I call it off?
Author	ksyoung17
Upvotes	19
Comments	48
Date	April 2, 2015 2:27 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3159dh/fiance_and_i_rarely_have_sex_maybe_twice_a_month/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/fiance-and-i-rarely-have-sex-maybe-twice-a-month.202226 https://theredarchive.com/post/202226

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