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When the lightbulb goes off.

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January 16, 2019

When you realize you caught oneitus and that you've been a sexually needy, validation seeking bitch, where do you go with the wife from there? How could she EVER see me as high value man again? Do you say you've seen the light or acta non veba?

Post Information
Title When the lightbulb goes off.
Author Oldsoldier78
Upvotes 16
Comments 37
Date 16 January 2019 06:38 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203673
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ago76q/when_the_lightbulb_goes_off/
Similar Posts

[–]mrp_awakening17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

First rule of fight club--don't talk about fight club. Don't tell her anything. Period.

Now that you've gotten that through your head, read the books on the sidebar and start working on the first 2 levels of dread.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret17 points18 points  (6 children) | Copy

How could she EVER see me as high value man again?

You're thinking like a male. Evolutionarily speaking, there's too much at stake for women who fail to respond to changes in their mates' quality, status, and commitment; it works against you when you become a fat beta loser, but it generally works for you when you improve in ways that matter for female attraction.

[–]equinoxshadows11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Women almost always live the moment and in their feelz. I've been amazed at how quickly my wife has changed her perception of me just after a few months of beginner gains. And we've been together for 17 years (with me being a beta loser most of that time).

[–]3legsbetter2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

I didn't just want to upvote this.

I've struggled with the OP's question myself, and what finally sold me on the possibility of positive change was just this. Women are *extremely fickle.* Just think of all the times your wife has changed her stance on something without showing any sign of being cognisant of their contradiction.

Why should your image be the one immutable thing in her life?

[–]DJiamuzak2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. In addition to my “struggling”, what I was really doing was coming up with excuses NOT to do the work. “What if I lose weight, workout, be stronger mentally and show still doesn’t desire me the way I want?” Well, I now look forward to working out and working on my frame. I see results but more importantly, I love who I’m becoming.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fickle isn’t exactly the correct way of looking at, although most guys would agree with you.

Women live in an emotional state. So when she says “I love you” on the altar, that statement ONLY exists within that emotional state. She is truly madly deeply in love with you, but only when she feels that way.

When you’re drinking beer, scratching your hairy gut on the couch watching football five years later (and you’ve put on 20 pounds), her emotional state is VASTLY different than it was when you got married.

To a woman, there is no REAL. It is only her feelz at the moment. The ones with long term potential are able to intellectually mitigate it somewhat, but you push it too far and she’s fucking Chad or branch swinging away.

You are ABSOLUTELY correct though, her feelz are a HUGE asset when you start to ratchet up the dread. Most women (IMO) only last a couple months before the 1000 foot rope pulls tight.

You can be a fat beta for years, but after hitting the gym hard for three months, all she cares about is your new found confidence and the fact that the cute young waitress eye-fucked the shit out of you.

Red Pill on brothers.

[–]3legsbetter0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Splitting hairs a bit my man. I don't disagree at all, I was just aiming to be concise.

[–]CaliEd2562 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough. I used to think women were fickle liars that didn’t mean what they said, so perhaps the distinction was more important for me than the average beta.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy

“How could she EVER see me as high value man again?”

Simple: When she sees other women finding you attractive.

Now, you must put in the work. Take out your anger in the weight room. With every rep, get pissed that you lived your life up until now as a pussy faggot. She doesn’t love you for you.

[–]Frosteecat7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

For some of us the relationship is so long that a change of this magnitude will obviously invite questions from our spouse.

The sight of me lifting every other day at 5:30am or at 10pm, outside, regardless of weather was truly shocking to mine.

When I kept it up for months and still do, along with simply getting shit done and leading firmly and authoritatively, she was even more baffled.

When I took time leading up to sex and during, creating a completely different experience for both of us,she was pleasantly surprised.

When I found myself newly RP and in MC but clearly owning my shit, appreciating my fairly solid FO and also saying last week “I think we’re pretty much done here” and having the counselor agree, she seemed...irritated lol!!

It’s a mixed bag. I have mentioned I am doing all this for me alone since logic dictates a happy & healthy ME = a similar HER, but other than a couple of very general references to principles here that are universal (covert contracts, boundaries etc) I do not mention Fight Club.

This is for YOU. If she gets on board, excellent and lucky you (maybe?) if you want that.

If not, you are ready and able to ease on down the road, brother.

STFU, lift, court/game your wife and don’t be a dick. See what happens.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I act like a dick routinely. Its working for me. It's the real me.

Who gives a fuck if you are "nice" if that's all you can be.

It's like monogamy. Who cares about your monogamous commitment if you couldn't get another person to touch your dick in a million years.

[–]Frosteecat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I should clarify that I meant don’t go Rambo and get stuck there 24/7.

You are correct that being a dick at times (usually when she’s being a teen and has dropped the ball AGAIN or tries to shit test on something laughable) is effective AND satisfying.

When she plays stupid games she gets stupid prizes.

[–]catchpull2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Damn good reply Sir.

[–]Frosteecat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. It’s something we need to talk about more—most LTR’s or marriages have been screwed up for a looong time. A sudden and dramatic change from Beta pussy to Captain Liftsalot is going to raise some questions.

Responding strategically is pretty key IMO. You can seriously fuck up the MAP if you don’t.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. Tell her everything you learned. Be honest.

Promise her that things will change.


[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

When you realize you caught oneitus and that you've been a sexually needy, validation seeking bitch, where do you go with the wife from there?

To the gym you fat faggot.

How could she EVER see me as high value man again?

Changed behavior over time. Their memory is fickel.

Do you say you've seen the light or acta non veba?

As far as I can tell the only time you should tell her about fight club is if you are going to be a contributing member in the manosphear, like rian stone, rolo, that guy from entrepreneurs in cars etc.

Stfu! Sidebar and lift.

[–]SeamusAwl4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

As far as I can tell the only time you should tell her about fight club is if you are going to be a contributing member in the manosphear, like rian stone, rolo, that guy from entrepreneurs in cars etc.

Or you are a masochist and want to make life harder on yourself.

[–]FoxShitNasty834 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck that, even I'm not that crazy

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you doing what you are doing? If you answer this question with anything other than for yourself (and mean that shit), you need to revisit your MAP.

How could she EVER see me as high value man again?

Who gives a fuck? Go lift something heavy

[–]The_LitzRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Who gives a fuck? MRP is about changing/saving YOU.

Work on yourself, self is all that matters. If the marriage survives, good. If it fails, fine, you are a man of value, she can choose to come along or not.

Talking about it, let me put it to you this way: Do you think she is going to get wet for you when you tell her you need a website to teach you to man up? Nope, women want the sausage, they don't want to know how it was made.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ha. Look at me mommy, I learned how to be a man today.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

If your brandishing your cock that sentence actually has value.

[–]SeamusAwl4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Never ever talk about fight club. That rule is in place to protect you and ensure you do not get a "you are only doing this because some subreddit/book told you to do it" type shit test. It also reduces the chance that she will ever see you as high value. Since you read how to do it on reddit and it didn't come naturally to you.

How do I know this? My wife found me at fight club. As happy as she is with the results of fight club, I still get some variation of the "you are only doing this" shit test from time to time (over 2 years later).

[–]SolidMind_SolidSoul4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel that a certain type of partner will always figure it out and use it for good versus evil. Funny thing, mine picked up on Red Pill and not Married Red Pill. Unfortunate for her. I didn't blink an eye to explain the difference when she was shit-testing me about it. That same shit test accused me that I was cheating and I followed up with 'show me the proof'. There was none and I clarified that I expect that to never happen again. Still too Beta and new to say much more

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fix yourself first, then decide.

It was easier for me to next her and find what I wanted elsewhere.

[–]becoming_alpha2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do you say you've seen the light or acta non veba?

Your answer was in your question. You shut your mount and get to work improving yourself. Lift, eat better, stop being needy and validation seeking, own your shit. If and when she starts asking questions as she notices your improvements, you can say something vague about you want to be your best self. You absolutely should not start off with saying you've seen the light. That just sets up an expectation for you to fail to meet, and makes it about her response to your improvements (look, you're validation seeking again).

[–]tspitsatgp4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is clearly one of the biggest hurdles for reforming beta’s. A constant fucking battle while in her frame.

But Mummy I have seen the light! Look how good I am at owning my shit. Look at my new biceps! I squatted 100kg today, I am making great progress aren’t I!

Mummy doesn’t care bitches. The hardest truth to learn.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Non verba*

Don't 'talk' about anything. Take right action.

Focus on yourself first, build back your foundation. After you are good, then work on your relationship with her.

You must be a rock.

[–]NightFire451 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well talking to her about it is validation seeking but I'm in minority that doesn't hide it.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Simple... just start making changes. I will say this though- it’s hard to recover if you’ve always been beta with her, but if you were alpha and became beta, that’s easier. Take your time though... remember the 1000’ rope analogy

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You tell us the lightbulb has gone off (on?) about your oneitis and neediness, but your whole post is about how to get her to value you.

Answer: Seek a place in life (mission) with confidence (frame) you are a man of value (alpha). If she comes, she comes. If not, you will have other options.

it is all in the sidebar. Read WOTSM and MODELS

[–]jerrymcguiver1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I still talk about fc with the wife. She calls out bp guys and we laugh together. I agree that the road is rougher and maybe im more purple pill bc of it. The wife is a hardcore tomboy and i believe she has always been more rp than me since before we got together. She has a death grip on the captains wheel and won't let go for instance. Knows i captain well but still enjoys doing it and is stubborn.

[–]Kpwn882 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Knows i captain well but still enjoys doing it and is stubborn.

The male hamster is real.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Straight up


STFU when you cannot answer, or, do not have the right answer. Don’t go deaf and dumb, but definitely think before you speak.


Action speak louder than words

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If your wife gained 50 pounds and cut her hair short, how could you ever think she was hot again? Even if she exercised and dieted hard and got breast implant, I'm sure you wouldn't be attracted to that because once she let herself go.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Women have emotional memory. If she's mad at you in a moment she's always been mad at you and always will be. Same here - once her feelz tell her you're high value, the past shit won't matter. Getting to this point will take a long time, be the hardest shit you've ever done, and will have a lot of failures.

The good news is you recognize it. We've ALL been at your point. Best advice outside the usual (lift, stfu, sidebar) is to stop worrying about the past. Yeah, you sucked, just get better every day. If you sucked the day before, reset and do better. This is a marathon - for life - not a sprint. You won't fix yourself overnight, but you can START fixing yourself today.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Do you say you've seen the light or acta non veba?

I would go with the official slogan of MRP. I am certain that it is not "tell the wife you have seen the light" so I would go with Acta Non Verba.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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