To plate or put on hold

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October 29, 2018

Intro: MRP lurker but total newb still.

Have read enough to have the pill lodged in my throat, trying to swallow, lacking discipline.

Married (31M/ 33F) and in a long term dead beadroom. Like, totally dry for multiple years. I know that a lot of it is my own faggotry, but my wife has also gone through some serious health stuff and has some past trauma that the comfort of our marriage has let resurface, or at least now she can feel comfortable saying no (which she has no problem doing). We are in fairly open communication about this being an issue, but no changes yet. We know she needs therapy, both psychological and hormonal, but aren't in a financial place to afford either ATM. Hoping new healthcare next year will help.

I'm working on myself, physically (weak but naturally fit and attractive) and mentally/frame-wise (weak but improving).


Was just propositioned by ex-work acquaintance outright for sex. She knows somewhat of my situation though her ex who was an ex-good-friend of mine, but also a pathological liar it turns out and currently serving a long term prison sentence. I let her know I was potentially interested and tried to not stiff arm her or lead her on excessively.

I have always had a moral code of not cheating and have succeeded so far in upholding it despite the dead bedroom while still gaming and flirting reasonably regularly. I have not, however been offered an unconditional "let's start with a blowjob on the roof of your apt building and see where that takes us". It feels awfully good to be desired sexually and is very tempting, even though I'm worried about my ability to preform well after such a hiatus.

I think that a she would be down for a strictly FWB and it would undoubtedly help me strengthen my frame and "not-give-a-fuck-edness" and I don't think she would try to blow my shit up but I am also not ready to nuke my marriage.

Advice please. Thanks in advance.

Post Information
Title To plate or put on hold
Author gringomasloco
Upvotes 8
Comments 37
Date 29 October 2018 05:41 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]simbarlionRed Beret9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

if you're not ready to nuke the marriage, take the win in the offer, and leave it at that.

Otherwise there is a fuckload of room to move in the statement "its your life".

Because its your life. Its ending one day at a time.

[–]gringomasloco[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, yes it is.

[–]FoxShitNasty839 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

We are in the same boat, your wife dosent find you attractive but other women are starting to. Having been in a db for years the question you need to ask yourself is... Is it worth it? Ask it of both your marriage and the blow job offering bitch. Will it change anything? Other than getting your dick wet what is your mission? These are bigger questions that are more important and need more focus.

These are distractions, little sweet gingerbread houses off the path of your mission but potentially vital rest stops to prevent your balls from dragging along the stony path. Go on son take a rest drain them... Watch out for man traps.

Besides if your working the levels of dread then you will at somepoint be in a position to tell your wife you will be going to get sex elsewhere.. but you/we need a strong frame before that.

[–]roberthenri18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why are you asking random people on the Internet if it's okay to get a blowjob? All you are really looking for is permission so here you go:

You're a faggot.

[–]gringomasloco[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damnit. Thanks

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

31 in a deadbedroom for years ?

Tell me what’s wrong with this ?

“Past traumas so can’t have sex.... “. Oh please you are unattractive to her

Sidebar>>>>>. Weight room. Lift.

[–]gringomasloco[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lots is wrong with this. Thanks

[–]BarracudaRP2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You don't have your shit together well enough to cheat, that's what my gut says. You can physically accept the bj, but your non-existant frame is going to bring you problems there too.

But you know what? You should go for it anyways. Maybe the bj will remind you that your 33 year old wife should not be drier than the Sahara, and that maybe your own faggotry is more than just "a lot of" the problem. And maybe when you find some way to implode your marriage, you can come back here and actually decide to do something about it.

So OP, you got your advice, you know the rules: what are you lifting, reading and STFUing? But we know you're not, because you're not sure you're ready to swallow the pill. You're staring into the matrix code and wondering if you'd rather go back to your cube job. You want to come to Fight Club and just watch. GTFO

Edit: I just realized your title is "plate or put on hold". That's like the 300lb girl asking if she should do crunches or planks. Valid question, valid answers, completely uncalibrated timing.

[–]gringomasloco[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Best response so far. You're right about my frame not being where it should be. And your right about be not having lifting stats to throw out, cause I don't. Been fucking around with dumbbells and kettlebells, but that's not lifting heavy enough shit and I know it. I'm working on STFUing but I suck there too. It's so hard to bite my tongue when she says some ignorant shit sometimes. Not helping my situation, I know.

I'm ready to swallow the pill, I'm just lacking the discipline to do the work. I find myself using her lack of change as an excuse, which is obviously fucking weak because first, what have I changed, and second, who cares its about me improving myself.

And that last bit was gold. Made me lol on the shitter. Thanks

[–]BarracudaRP0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You just owned your shit, my man. You are taking a look at the man you are today and recognizing that you could be better. And you're doing this without getting hurt or defensive, which is rare lately.

Many of us started out lifting just the bar bell, getting angry at our wives, not getting laid and generally sucking. You feel that you can't start due to lack of discipline, and I can personally relate to that. Your next step is the OYS thread, which is where the real work is done. I hope to see you there man.

"Action isn't just the effect of motivation; it's also the cause of it." Mark Manson

[–]Frosteecat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

See you and raise you:

“The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” Marcus Aurelius

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dread IS hormone therapy. Literally. And it's free.

[–]gringomasloco[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Know dread. Need frame. Thanks though.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have always had a moral code of not cheating and have succeeded so far in upholding it despite the dead bedroom

She's expecting celibacy and fidelity at the same time.

Who has the fucked up moral code here?

Read the rational male and pay special close attention to how he ends it.

Read that book faggot.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

You should judge all women by their actions, not their words. The first lesson here is what is the take away from both the women here.

As others have pointed out, your wife expects fidelity without sexual access. Meanwhile another woman has offered sexual access, without clear motivation as to why.

Before you go getting all giddy about the no strings attached blow job you should look at that woman's motivation. Look at her character, and her history for a show of her value.

She knows somewhat of my situation though her ex who was an ex-good-friend of mine, but also a pathological liar it turns out and currently serving a long term prison sentence.

What does this tell you about the sum of her choices through the years? Do you think this is high value woman who is down on her luck? Or maybe she's a crazy woman who has a history of really bad decision making and is looking to branch swing to the next bad decision.

An Alpha can step back and look at the decisions going forward from a value standpoint. "Does this choice add value to my life or take value? Do other options add more value?"

If you want to get your dick sucked, go get a pro to do it; you pay pro's to go away after the sex, not for the sex.

The same question needs to be asked of your wife, what value does she provide? Does the return on value invested into the relationship give you better value than if you just moved on and built something new?

Right now you're probably a poor judge of all of this, as you are lacking both the intellectual muscles and the actual ones to see it. I generally tell guys one month of unfucking for every month of fucking your marriage.

Goodluck, sidebar and read.

[–]gringomasloco[S] 1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

The side chick adds nothing other than wet mouth and tight pussy. But is also potentially unstable, so definitely not an overall value add.

The wife's current value is pretty weak, resting mostly on the fact that her family is amazing and just bought a dream piece of property that we will inherit. She was once sexually adventurous and lifestyle adventurous and we had a ton of fun climbing and skiing etc. But most of that fun has fallen by the wayside, which getting into MRP I'm feeling is a lot my fault for failure to maintain frame and lead and overall be my best self.

That puts me at 3+years of unFucking. I'm not sure I have that in me, but I realize that working on myself is the only thing to do/ that matters, so I'll start there and see where it goes.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sorry, meant 1 month for each year. So 3 years you've been married?

[–]gringomasloco[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yes, married three years, together 6

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So your plan should be to take the next 6 months to better yourself. By then you should have a stay/go plan, and your wife should be demonstrating her value (or lack thereof)

[–]Whatev220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Read about the sunk cost fallacy. Trust me, the lure of land you might inherit someday is not worth the value you think it is.

[–]Frosteecat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

3/6 years??? That's 6 months.

Try my sentence on for size: I've got 20 months just to say I've done the basics. You've got it easy pal.

[–]-Acta-Non-Verba-2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My take: Explain to wife that her failure to take care of you is a violation of marriage covenants. If she chooses to continue to disregard them, the marriage is over. You can then find someone who wants both wife privileges AND duties.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

No sex for YEARS? At 30ish years old?

Do you have kids? If not, just handle her the papers. "You are a great person, but it turns out we are not compatible. I want to be single again. Here are the papers for you to sign"

> I have always had a moral code of not cheating and have succeeded so far in upholding it despite the dead bedroom while still gaming and flirting reasonably regularly

She hasnt fucked you in YEARS. Thats breaking the "marriage contract". The worst part is you complying to that like a chump.

> I think that a she would be down for a strictly FWB

Very likely she will aim to replace your wife. If your frame is weak you´ll get drama.

Bottom line, you do you. Make your own choices. Cheat or not cheat. Divorce or not divorce. But make the decision, OWN IT and be man enough to go through the consequences. A lot better than having other people decide your life for you.

[–]gringomasloco[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

As far as divorce, I am aware that's the obvious and simple option. I can't help but see it as a bit of a cop-out at this point too though. I am trying to take ownership for my part in the situation, and feel that until I can sack up and gain some frame and become a proper captain, there's not much point in throwing away my marriage for some quick strange, or I'm likely to end up in a similar situation.

[–]TheThirdT1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

what exactly are you throwing away? If you need a roommate or house cleaner those are pretty easy to find.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

but also a pathological liar it turns out and currently serving a long term prison sentence. I let her know I was potentially interested and tried to not stiff arm her or lead her on excessively.

How did this communication occur? If you put this’s is writing, you’re a dumbass given how you described this woman’s character. Yeah, If you are going to find some stray, a chick in prison is about as dumb as it gets. Also, it reeks of desperation. Lift, sidebar. Become attractive

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

i think that was the dude.

[–]gringomasloco[S] -1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Confirmed. Dude in prison. Chick still a mite crazy. Reeking of desperation, that too though.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As if fucking around with a someone from your business circle doesn't have enough potential for exposure and damage, doing it with the one girl who has a shitty enough moral compass to be dating a dude in prison, is just next level asking for drama. I don't think you can handle that much heat.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your ex coworker sounds like a crazy bitch. No. Choose wisely.

[–]TheThirdT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you can't make a decision like this on your own then you should default to no.

I see you are hoping on a lot of external things will somehow improve your life (wife going to therapy, healthcare to make therapy affordable, FWB to strengthen your frame, goodwill of FWB).

You need to take action to achieve the things you want. Letting things happen will always be ineffective.

[–]MarriedRedEnough0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would rail that out.

[–]adeptintact0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Life is too short to be in a marriage without sex. Have the sex with the other girl and be prepared to divorce if your wife finds out.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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