Have been Mr nice guy all the way for our 14 year relationship (two kids 7 and 10). Wife quit sex and moved to her own room 9 months ago and had a lover she does not talk to anymore (apparently) but is still very much into. We are barely still living together, lots of separation talk. I now really recently have understood the nice guy stuff and how I basically destroyed positive emotional tension. Am working very hard on myself. Think if I knew all of this earlier, I could have easily turned our marriage around - but not sure at all how to do it from here. Am brutally attached to her even though I am trying hard to lose that. But the moment I even try to touch her she totally flinches. Can anyone recommend any good reads, has any intel on how to turn a situation like this? Better to work from still living together or taking the lead for separation and trying to work it from a a distance with occasional meets?